Teresa1974

Hi, I'm new here & looking for advice. My boyfriend of 3 months went back into rehab this past Thursday. He has been there before, we met in November, shortly after he was released the last time. He was so proud of himself in accomplishing sobriety, & that's mostly what led to me falling head over hills for him, fast & hard....Then he met up with old friends & relapsed. To make matters worse, he shattered his elbow which has since required 3 surgeries, & has been on opioid pain killers ever since. We've been in a relationship since his first surgery, & the prescription drugs have greatly increased his cravings for heroin & meth, & he's also an alcoholic. He chose to go back to rehab because he says he loves me & wants to be a better man for me. I have a teenage daughter who adored him in the beginning, & he is also very caring towards her...but the way he talks to me sometimes & the way his mood changes from extremely happy to talking down to me has me in tears pretty much daily. He promised the day he left he was coming home to us as soon as he possibly can, & even hugged my daughter, told her he's doing this because he loves us, & promised her he would be home soon. The problem is, he told me he would call me as often as he could & I haven't had communication with him since Friday. He said as soon as he got his calling card he would call me, & I've heard nothing. I was at the hospital last night for current chronic severe health issues, which he is very aware of. My daughter called the facility he is at & left a message that I was at the hospital & for him to please call home, because I know if i didn't let him know I was there, he would be angry....But still I've heard nothing from him. I'm feeling so alone & empty not hearing from him, & I'm terrified he's not going to come home to us. I've never used drugs, but have dealt with addiction with my sons & a husband of 16 years who overdosed & died. My boyfriend says he's never had anybody love him or worry about him like I do & that if he ever loses me he will go back to his old ways & it would be the end. I love him beyond words & am terrified of losing him. I don't understand why if he loves me like he says he's pretty much completely ignoring me as if I don't exist. I've never had any experience with a loved one in rehab, & I'm terrified. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I've been in tears since before he left & can't eat or sleep. It's so bad, it's to the point where my daughter told me last night she hopes he doesn't come back, & I feel like I'm dating an onion because it seems all I do is cry. I'm considering sitting down & writing him a letter, but so confused as to if I should even do that....PLEASE HELP

AnvilheadII

all that chaos in THREE MONTHS?? two rehabs, relapsing on every drug known to mankind - and meanwhile YOU end up in the hospital.

this man has nothing good to offer you. not one thing. sure he may have SAID the words you wanted to hear, but if you look at his actions, they will TELL you the truth.

listen to your daughter. let this 90 day guy go.......

SparkleKitty

Teresa, your boyfriend's addiction is at a crisis point. If he is going to survive this and even have a chance at long-term recovery, it is time for him to put every ounce of energy he has into his own issues. It is the worst possible time for him to attempt to keep a three-month-old relationship afloat. He cannot give you what you need and deserve right now.

This is not your first relationship with an addict. Have you ever been to counseling or to Al-Anon/Nar-anon? Something is drawing you to people who are emotionally unavailable (in the long term) and generally unhealthy relationship material, and I fear if you don't get to the bottom of that sooner rather than later, you will keep having the same relationship over and over again, just with different people.

You deserve a healthy, stable partner who can truly be there for you and your daughter.

Maudcat

Hi, Teresa.
Welcome.
Agree with SparkleKitty, this relationship will go nowhere unless your boyfriend embraces recovery.
Also agree that some form of support, like counseling, Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, would be helpful for you.
Saying this gently: To have so much of your and your daughter’s lives invested in this person, in only 3 months, doesn’t seem wonderfully healthy.
Peace.

HardLessons

Hi Teresa

From what you wrote:

You've know him for 3 months
He's been in rehab twice since you've know him
He's an active addict using - opioid pain killers, heroine, meth, & alcohol
You are distraught & in tears daily. You cant eat or sleep.
You have suffered previously with your sons addiction & the OD death of your husband

I'm with your teenage daughter hoping he doesn't come back home

This guy is a complete mess. Please get yourself & your teenage daughter far away from this man. He is addicted to a very bad combination of hard core drugs. Please get help & save yourself.

Just my humble opinion, I'm sorry for your situation.