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I drink when my girlfriend is away from town

Old 02-18-2018, 10:17 PM
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I drink when my girlfriend is away from town

Hello all,

I´ve been a problem drinker since I was about 16, since the first time I touched alcohol, I knew I was different. When I start drinking, I just drink, and drink until all the booze is gone or I just pass out. It´s been 10 years, now I´m 26.

Now, as alcoholics are very good at hiding, my current girlfriend has no idea of it (we have been living together for 6 months now), our relasionship is great. I dont touch alcohol when she is home (only on social occasions, when she drinks as well, usually she just has a pint of cyder, she dosen´t drink much at all, I usually end up kinda drunk, but able to control my self to a level I dont end up too "*********").

I dont drink around her, because I have a past relasionship where I did, and she left me very-very heart broken, because of my drinking. I dont want my current one to know. I love her, and some day I would like to marry her. Nether I dont want to attend AA meeting, since Im afraid it might spook my current one away, since attending one would make it plain obvious to her, that I have a problem.

She works on a cruise ship,two weeks on and two weeks off. When she goes away for work I just start drinking. And I dont stop until she gets back. Then Im two weeks sober and repeat. I think she starts to get a hint that somethings is off. Asking why my hands are shaking, why I cant sleep. When she calls me, she often has caught me in time when my speech is very slurred etc. But not once she has been angry, just asking if im drunk? Then I just make up a lie and tell her that, I was just out with the guys, when accually im alone drinking at home.

Thinking about quitting altogether. If I can sting together 14 days on monthly basis, maybe I can quit for good....
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Old 02-18-2018, 10:35 PM
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Quitting altogether sounds good - I mean, how would you feel with the roles reversed?

Your gf deserves better - and so do you
You'll find a lot of support here nightowl - welcome

D
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Old 02-18-2018, 10:45 PM
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Hi night owl,
In my experience it gets harder and harder to keep it together driving wedge after wedge between the relationship.
If she loves you she will support you in your decision to quit.
It’s very sneaky the booze. It just takes a little at a time giving you time to adjust and adapt to that way of life.
It inevitably ends up **** up wishing that you’d done something about it.
Do it now, not when you’re old and alone.
Alcohol is bigger than people like us. Don’t let it fool you.
Take care
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Old 02-18-2018, 11:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Snowydelrico View Post
Hi night owl,
In my experience it gets harder and harder to keep it together driving wedge after wedge between the relationship.
If she loves you she will support you in your decision to quit.
It’s very sneaky the booze. It just takes a little at a time giving you time to adjust and adapt to that way of life.
It inevitably ends up **** up wishing that you’d done something about it.
Do it now, not when you’re old and alone.
Alcohol is bigger than people like us. Don’t let it fool you.
Take care
I know, I know. I have a first hand expirience with that. In my past relasionship I did the same thing. Concealing my drinking from loved one. Then after a year or so into the relasionship, I started testind her, randomly showing up up with a six pack of beer once a week, then twice a week....then after 2,5 year time, It developed into six pack every night and we broke up.
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Old 02-19-2018, 12:58 AM
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Wow that sounds like a lot of work,man! So, you're basically 'white knuckling it' for the two weeks she's home,unless you two are in a social setting and she has a beer to drink? Then you 'can have a few'.. That sounds like a nightmare to me and you already know what your 'honest' drinking does to a relationship.. 1st off; good for you to reach out for support. Sounds like you need some. I'd look into some local AA/recovery meetings to go to while she's away at work,instead of drinking,unless you want to be alone and drinking? Post here regularly..whatever.. History will and does repeat itself if we keep doing the same stuff..ya know?
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Old 02-19-2018, 01:15 AM
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Wow this sounds familiar.
I was drinking whenever my bf was at work or out of town and I was left at home, just got so bored. Since it was on the weekends, I said it was okay for so long. But it wasn’t and I finally started going to AA.
Sounds like that might work for you while your gf is out of town. Then you can stay busy. .
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Old 02-19-2018, 01:56 AM
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Now, as alcoholics are very good at hiding, my current girlfriend has no idea of it
oh?
- I think she starts to get a hint that somethings is off.
- Asking why my hands are shaking, why I cant sleep.
-When she calls me, she often has caught me in time when my speech is very slurred etc.
-But not once she has been angry, JUST ASKING IF IM DRUNK.(did you lie about it or were you truthful?)

she works on a cruise ship and theres NEVER drunk people on a cruise ship.
yeah, i can be sarcastic- all in good measure and hope that may have helped you see your GF isnt dumb.


I dont want to attend AA meeting, since Im afraid it might spook my current one away, since attending one would make it plain obvious to her, that I have a problem.

she already senses you have a problem.not going to get help because it might spook HER yet the drinking is destroying YOU- think about that for a bit.

this all about YOU
however, what about her? she doesnt deserve to be in a relationship with a deceitful dishonest man. put yourself in her shoes and see how it feels.

then make a decision you want to stop drinking for good.
then make a decision you will do what ever is necessary to stop.
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Old 02-19-2018, 05:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Nightowl45 View Post
Hello all,

I´ve been a problem drinker since I was about 16, since the first time I touched alcohol, I knew I was different. When I start drinking, I just drink, and drink until all the booze is gone or I just pass out. It´s been 10 years, now I´m 26.

Now, as alcoholics are very good at hiding, my current girlfriend has no idea of it (we have been living together for 6 months now), our relasionship is great. I dont touch alcohol when she is home (only on social occasions, when she drinks as well, usually she just has a pint of cyder, she dosen´t drink much at all, I usually end up kinda drunk, but able to control my self to a level I dont end up too "*********").

I dont drink around her, because I have a past relasionship where I did, and she left me very-very heart broken, because of my drinking. I dont want my current one to know. I love her, and some day I would like to marry her. Nether I dont want to attend AA meeting, since Im afraid it might spook my current one away, since attending one would make it plain obvious to her, that I have a problem.

She works on a cruise ship,two weeks on and two weeks off. When she goes away for work I just start drinking. And I dont stop until she gets back. Then Im two weeks sober and repeat. I think she starts to get a hint that somethings is off. Asking why my hands are shaking, why I cant sleep. When she calls me, she often has caught me in time when my speech is very slurred etc. But not once she has been angry, just asking if im drunk? Then I just make up a lie and tell her that, I was just out with the guys, when accually im alone drinking at home.

Thinking about quitting altogether. If I can sting together 14 days on monthly basis, maybe I can quit for good....
Very familiar life you are attempting to lead. And I mean "attempting" - as it's obvious such a deceitful existence already failed you once.

I lived and am attempting to recover from the same sort of hidden drunk life you are living now. I didn't have a wife/girl who was away for stretches like that - but I did the whole hiding/sneaking when she is around and then whenever she was away I'd get blasted. I know the anxiety of hoping she doesn't recognize the slurred voice - or making sure all bottles have been disposed of before she gets home. I could go on and on, as I'm sure you know.

In the end what I'm trying to do is to live a truthful life - something I get the sense you wish you were able to do as well. I'm nowhere NEAR an authority on these issues, only on day 13 after many other swings at sobriety. I just hear in your post the pain and suffering that comes with living a duplicitous life - where in the end the main person you are betraying is yourself.

There is much wisdom and support on this site man. I hope you are able to find what you need and can put down the bottle.

Even yesterday my wife was away and I felt the beast rumbling, wanting that sweet oblivion. But I didn't give in, luckily maybe. Either way I need to find a way to trust myself and I think you need to do the same.
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Old 02-19-2018, 05:49 AM
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Hi Nightowl , i'm glad you came here to seek help with your drinking problem .
In my personal experience and seeing first hand what happens with others your situation will progress downwards . It will get to the stage where she WILL know exactly whats going on and she may or may not stick around . You seem a nice sensible chap and I think you want to do the right thing and my advice is to come clean with your other half and explain your worries and that you are seeking help . You are still very young and NOW is the time to get this drinking fixed out be very honest with yourself . Ask yourself what would you do if she was gone for say 8 weeks at a time ? what would your drinking pattern be ?
I wish you well .
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Old 02-19-2018, 07:49 AM
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This can go one of two ways:

You can continue on in your cycle and lose your relationship, self worth and succumb to alcoholism?

You can see the pattern that is taking place and turn it around with sobriety and building a life that you are proud to live?

I do hope you choose the latter and give yourself a chance. All things are possible.

Coming from someone who has cycled through alcoholism many many times.
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Old 02-19-2018, 08:09 AM
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History has a habit of repeating its self where booze is concerned.
I lost a 10 year relationship and nearly lost a 6 year one because I repeated the same lifestyle of trying to control my drinking by drinking.
What crazy logic! But that’s how it got me.
I can honestly say giving up the the booze is the best thing I’ve ever done.
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Old 02-19-2018, 11:04 AM
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Sounds like you have already zeroed in on the two most important things : you realized from the beginning you drink a certain way( that isn't going to change for the better only worse) and you can come out of day 13 with your backside intact.

I think you incorrectly identified the cause of the heartbrake, it wasn't anything she had done it was your drinking, the fact of it , yeah ?

Decide to put the bottle down for good, no more no matter what, Yeah ?
and on the fourteenth day , decide to see it as the 13 th , leave the drink behind you in the past , nobody will be happier about it than yourself, I guarantee rootin for ya
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Old 02-19-2018, 11:05 AM
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Thank you, thank you and thank you all, for your replies! There has been some harsh, yet honest replies here (really, I appreciate that). You guys just helped me put things into perspective, I will attend AA, I will become sober, and when the time is right I will thell her about my decision, and my situation. If she loves me, she will stay, if not..she will leave. After all its about me.

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Old 02-19-2018, 11:10 AM
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Good for you Night. Here's to making ourselves proud.

No one is coming to save us.
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Old 02-19-2018, 11:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Nightowl45 View Post
If she loves me, she will stay, if not..she will leave. After all its about me.

good on ya for making the decision.
imma gonna add one last thing( i think anyways):
her staying or leaving doesnt determine if she loves you or not. she can leave and still love you.
YOUR recovery is about you.
HER life is about her- she should be putting her wellbeing first just as you should be putting your well being first.
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Old 02-19-2018, 11:19 AM
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That’s the ticket night owl.
You know it makes sense.
Looks like you’ve woken up, you lucky lucky owl.
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Old 02-19-2018, 11:41 AM
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Congrats.

To be honest, she's far less likely to leave you for being an A in recovery than she is for being an active A and finding out (which she would eventually - it would onky be a matter of time) that you've been living a lie.

You know, I'm willing to bet that this will be a great relief to you. The fear of being caught drinking plus the white-knuckling really will be draining your energy far more than you can know at the moment. (Take it from one who knows!)

Far better to like with integrity and not be a puppet to those fears and our addiction.

Have you looked up the meetings available to you?

BB
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Old 02-19-2018, 12:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Berrybean View Post
You know, I'm willing to bet that this will be a great relief to you. The fear of being caught drinking plus the white-knuckling really will be draining your energy far more than you can know at the moment. (Take it from one who knows!)

Far better to like with integrity and not be a puppet to those fears and our addiction.
This is so true Nightowl. I had to get out and run a quick errand and was thinking about this thread. By getting some F2F support while she's gone(or when she's there) you'll have so much more time and energy to actually live life more fully. Man, when I was drinking I spent so much time and energy on it. There's so many other positive things to do than set around getting drunk whenever you can. It's truly a waste of time and steals your/our 'soul' eventually.
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Old 02-19-2018, 12:38 PM
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When she goes away for work I just start drinking. And I dont stop until she gets back.

So the reason you don't drink when she is around is because you don't want her to know how much you drink.

Here is the next step in the alcoholic progression.

You start drinking more when she is around (because you need to) but you become incredibly creative (and sneaky) with how you pull it off.

You might, for example on the social occasions when she drinks get a head start by chugging a few shots of vodka. Or you might have a "night cap" after she falls asleep. Or you might start drinking alone in your car on the way home so you can start your buzz alone. There are countless methods alcoholics devise to disguise their drinking. And it gets harder and harder to hide it.

And ultimately, the only one you fool, is yourself.
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Old 02-19-2018, 12:45 PM
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I'd also have a read around the friends and family section to see what our drinking does to others. Really helped in my recovery plan.
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