First Post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 5
First Post
Hello
Just wanted to introduce myself.
I am new to posting but have been reading the forum for a good few months and it has helped me a great deal.
I separated from my AH over a year ago. He tells me I left him in his hour of need.
I respond that I stayed as long (20 years) as I could which was much much longer than any sane person would have stayed.
I am completely done and will never go back into a love relationship with him, though I pray and hope for the best for him. We have a child together which means I can't go completely no contact - I would if I could as this last year has been tough beyond words as he is still a active alcoholic in denial.
My priority has been my child and trying to keep a roof over our heads this last year or so.
I have also read listened and learnt so much about alcoholism, NPD, abuse as well as enabling and co-dependency which has helped me understand what my life, me and my marriage had become.
It has been a scary and humbling 12 months. I now know I have a lot of recovery work to do to regain my health physically, emotionally and spiritually.
My child seems to be is a good place now happy, healthy, doing well at school - growing and developing good friendships and our financial situation is beginning to improve.
So I now know that I need to start taking care of myself a lot better than I have been doing and focusing on my own recovery and health etc.
Self care is not something that has come easy to me for many years and I want that to change. I want to role model to my child what a healthy adult looks like in all aspects physically, emotionally and spiritually.
The saying about putting your own mask on first ...etc...rings true to me but I struggle to actually implement plans that would be described as self care - I just feel that there is so much about me that needs sorted it is a bit overwhelming at times.
Not really sure what else to say.
Thanks
Just wanted to introduce myself.
I am new to posting but have been reading the forum for a good few months and it has helped me a great deal.
I separated from my AH over a year ago. He tells me I left him in his hour of need.
I respond that I stayed as long (20 years) as I could which was much much longer than any sane person would have stayed.
I am completely done and will never go back into a love relationship with him, though I pray and hope for the best for him. We have a child together which means I can't go completely no contact - I would if I could as this last year has been tough beyond words as he is still a active alcoholic in denial.
My priority has been my child and trying to keep a roof over our heads this last year or so.
I have also read listened and learnt so much about alcoholism, NPD, abuse as well as enabling and co-dependency which has helped me understand what my life, me and my marriage had become.
It has been a scary and humbling 12 months. I now know I have a lot of recovery work to do to regain my health physically, emotionally and spiritually.
My child seems to be is a good place now happy, healthy, doing well at school - growing and developing good friendships and our financial situation is beginning to improve.
So I now know that I need to start taking care of myself a lot better than I have been doing and focusing on my own recovery and health etc.
Self care is not something that has come easy to me for many years and I want that to change. I want to role model to my child what a healthy adult looks like in all aspects physically, emotionally and spiritually.
The saying about putting your own mask on first ...etc...rings true to me but I struggle to actually implement plans that would be described as self care - I just feel that there is so much about me that needs sorted it is a bit overwhelming at times.
Not really sure what else to say.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Welcome, FreedomBliss! So glad you posted. And really proud of the strides you have made towards your own well-being and that of your child.
Self-care can be so difficult at first, especially when you've spent a lifetime putting others' needs before your own and, if you're anything like me, receiving the message that to put yourself first is selfish.
Start small. What's one thing you could do to work towards improved physical, mental, or emotional health today? (Hint: you already did it, by posting here today)
Self-care can be so difficult at first, especially when you've spent a lifetime putting others' needs before your own and, if you're anything like me, receiving the message that to put yourself first is selfish.
Start small. What's one thing you could do to work towards improved physical, mental, or emotional health today? (Hint: you already did it, by posting here today)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 367
My bare-bones, fundamental self care involves 3 things:
HYDRATE - making sure I'm drinking enough water
MEDITATE - even taking 1 minute a day to be quiet and breathe makes a huge difference. I highly recommend Dan Harris's book 10% Happier. - that book really opened my eyes to the benefits of meditation.
SLEEP - getting enough sleep is the most important act of self-care for me. I lived for years in a severely sleep-deprived state due to undiagnosed apnea. Now that I've gotten treatment for it, my life has turned around completely. I am militant about my sleep now. It makes an enormous difference.
Those 3 things are the base from which my own self-care starts.
Welcome to SR!
HYDRATE - making sure I'm drinking enough water
MEDITATE - even taking 1 minute a day to be quiet and breathe makes a huge difference. I highly recommend Dan Harris's book 10% Happier. - that book really opened my eyes to the benefits of meditation.
SLEEP - getting enough sleep is the most important act of self-care for me. I lived for years in a severely sleep-deprived state due to undiagnosed apnea. Now that I've gotten treatment for it, my life has turned around completely. I am militant about my sleep now. It makes an enormous difference.
Those 3 things are the base from which my own self-care starts.
Welcome to SR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 5
Thanks for all your replies.
That is such a good point about posting here is part of self care - thanks
I also like the simplicity of the 3 things water, meditate and sleep.
In the years before I left my husband meditation really helped me see the truth of my life and helped me gain the confidence and self worth to at last leave my marriage and somehow in the craziest of the last year I have let that most valuable habit slip. I have started again today.
That is such a good point about posting here is part of self care - thanks
I also like the simplicity of the 3 things water, meditate and sleep.
In the years before I left my husband meditation really helped me see the truth of my life and helped me gain the confidence and self worth to at last leave my marriage and somehow in the craziest of the last year I have let that most valuable habit slip. I have started again today.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
I have always had the same problem, but have been much better recently. This is just me, but I don't like the term "self care" I think of it rather as time for myself to do what I want to do without interruptions. (During that time, I don't want to be a mom, wife, and sometimes even an adult. Lol ) I'm still always in a hurry when I go out. I don't know if that just me or me rushing home to take care of things.
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