Weaning off alcohol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
Weaning off alcohol
Hi everybody.
I'm new to the forum and after advice.
My husband is an alcoholic, he asked for help last week, and admitted to having a drink problem when we were going through a rough patch.
He has been very honest with me, and told me his aim every night was to get smashed.
He holds down a good job, and at present, the alcohol doesn't effect his work. He does want to stop, and has cut back this last week with the intention of quitting.
Before he was drinking, 6 cans holsten pils, 2 litres of cider, and sometimes a shot of jack Daniels. He is now on, 2 litres of cider and 2 cans of holsten pils, this is his 6th day on that amount.
I know everybody is different, but after a lot of researching, should he be doing it different.
Please help.
Thank you
I'm new to the forum and after advice.
My husband is an alcoholic, he asked for help last week, and admitted to having a drink problem when we were going through a rough patch.
He has been very honest with me, and told me his aim every night was to get smashed.
He holds down a good job, and at present, the alcohol doesn't effect his work. He does want to stop, and has cut back this last week with the intention of quitting.
Before he was drinking, 6 cans holsten pils, 2 litres of cider, and sometimes a shot of jack Daniels. He is now on, 2 litres of cider and 2 cans of holsten pils, this is his 6th day on that amount.
I know everybody is different, but after a lot of researching, should he be doing it different.
Please help.
Thank you
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Welcome to SR, Happysue. I usually post over in Friends and Family but stopped by Newcomers today and saw your post. I can't offer any advice about how your AH should go about getting sober, but I will definitely suggest that you look into your own recovery. I'm sure that sounds crazy to you, since you aren't the one w/a drinking problem, your husband is, but I think if you come chat w/us over in F&F, that suggestion might make a little more sense to you.
Here is a link to the Friends and Family section: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Hope to see you over in F&F.
Here is a link to the Friends and Family section: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Hope to see you over in F&F.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Hi There , You and him already know this but
that,s a lot of alcohol and will be doing a fair amount of damage whether he is managing work or not . Its great that hubby wants to quit and my advice is to go for total abstinence with the help of his doctor should he suffer withdrawals .
Very few alcoholics are able to sustain a long drawn out taper and almost every time go back to square one . For me making the decision to quit over 6 months ago was the best decision I ever made .
I know from past experience other members on here you will offer similar replies regarding your hubby's slow reduction method .
I wish you well
that,s a lot of alcohol and will be doing a fair amount of damage whether he is managing work or not . Its great that hubby wants to quit and my advice is to go for total abstinence with the help of his doctor should he suffer withdrawals .
Very few alcoholics are able to sustain a long drawn out taper and almost every time go back to square one . For me making the decision to quit over 6 months ago was the best decision I ever made .
I know from past experience other members on here you will offer similar replies regarding your hubby's slow reduction method .
I wish you well
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Welcome, sorry to hear of your husbands alcohol struggles.
As HoneyPig suggests, the Friends and Family forum here would be of help to you. I am sure you will read posts that resonate with you.
Your husband will need to take responsibility for his own alcohol quit and recovery.
You will need to put the focus on yourself. You will need to step away and let him do what he needs to do.
I know that may well sound backwards to you, we want to help our loved ones. But with addiction most things seem the opposite of what you might expect.
Glad you have joined. Hope to see you in the Friends and Family threads.
As HoneyPig suggests, the Friends and Family forum here would be of help to you. I am sure you will read posts that resonate with you.
Your husband will need to take responsibility for his own alcohol quit and recovery.
You will need to put the focus on yourself. You will need to step away and let him do what he needs to do.
I know that may well sound backwards to you, we want to help our loved ones. But with addiction most things seem the opposite of what you might expect.
Glad you have joined. Hope to see you in the Friends and Family threads.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Just to add, I am a recovering alcoholic, I recommend him stopping completely rather than tapering. To us and how our bodies are, tapering just keeps the addiction fed and "alive".
Complete abstinence is the only way to get it dormant.
Complete abstinence is the only way to get it dormant.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
^^^ Ditto both of Peaceful's posts.
I went cold turkey- this topic of that choice vs the tapering you describe comes up a lot here. IMO and IME I had to quit told turkey and despite enormous w/d, suffering, all kinds of things, and for months, I would choose that again.
As said above- you can't do this for your husband, and as those in my life found, trying to micro-manage, assess, monitor etc my choices were futile.
Take care of you.
I went cold turkey- this topic of that choice vs the tapering you describe comes up a lot here. IMO and IME I had to quit told turkey and despite enormous w/d, suffering, all kinds of things, and for months, I would choose that again.
As said above- you can't do this for your husband, and as those in my life found, trying to micro-manage, assess, monitor etc my choices were futile.
Take care of you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Can I add that I understand your concern and looking at ways to help husband through his alcoholism . As a father of a son in recovery from alcohol and other drugs I also tried to steer him this way and that way when he was actively using but in the end it was his decision and his hard work that got him into recovery . When I was in action ( active drinking ) I would listen to what others said but all the heavy lifting was down to me .
I have to add though that having family and or friends support does help tremendously and of course coming here was invaluable to my recovery .
Good to see you here and please let us know or even better your husband letting us know how things are going .
I have to add though that having family and or friends support does help tremendously and of course coming here was invaluable to my recovery .
Good to see you here and please let us know or even better your husband letting us know how things are going .
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 336
Originally Posted by PeacefulWater12 
To us and how our bodies are, tapering just keeps the addiction fed and "alive".
Complete abstinence is the only way to get it dormant.
Complete abstinence is the only way to get it dormant.
I have successfully tapered. Got off from drinking the better part of a 5th of vodka daily for many years with zero withdrawals. It was either go to a doc for benzos, taper, or roll the dice and potentially have seizures while living alone or even die from withdrawals.
That said, a mindful and scientific taper, with the sole goal of getting to zero as quickly as is safely possible, takes a boatload of discipline with the one thing we have little to no discipline with, but so does a cold-turkey, "I'm done with drinking - that's it."
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by dcg
Perhaps psychologically, but I'd be interested in any literature that supports the above from a physiological standpoint.
I have successfully tapered. Got off from drinking the better part of a 5th of vodka daily for many years with zero withdrawals. It was either go to a doc for benzos, taper, or roll the dice and potentially have seizures while living alone or even die from withdrawals.
That said, a mindful and scientific taper, with the sole goal of getting to zero as quickly as is safely possible, takes a boatload of discipline with the one thing we have little to no discipline with, but so does a cold-turkey, "I'm done with drinking - that's it."
I have successfully tapered. Got off from drinking the better part of a 5th of vodka daily for many years with zero withdrawals. It was either go to a doc for benzos, taper, or roll the dice and potentially have seizures while living alone or even die from withdrawals.
That said, a mindful and scientific taper, with the sole goal of getting to zero as quickly as is safely possible, takes a boatload of discipline with the one thing we have little to no discipline with, but so does a cold-turkey, "I'm done with drinking - that's it."
I think some people can do a taper, BUT the amount the OP's husband is still drinking is nothing close to a taper. I think if it is going to be done, it has to have a very short duration. I took three days. From 12 units down to two on Day One. Two down to one on Day Two. Just a tiny nip (like a half ounce of rum) on Day Three and that was it. If I had found that to be impossible, I might have just quit and that could be dangerous, too.
I didn't know quitting cold turkey could be dangerous...I just was treating symptoms (high heart rate.) I drank a lot for many years, so I think people can be different. It comes down to a lot of variables.
The best advice is medical intervention. It's not a big deal to go and get a week's worth of inexpensive meds to make it easier. Lots of people seem unable to quit any other way than cold turkey. Once they get a taste, they cannot or will not stop. Meds make it safe and tolerable.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by dcg
Perhaps psychologically, but I'd be interested in any literature that supports the above from a physiological standpoint.
I have successfully tapered. Got off from drinking the better part of a 5th of vodka daily for many years with zero withdrawals. It was either go to a doc for benzos, taper, or roll the dice and potentially have seizures while living alone or even die from withdrawals.
That said, a mindful and scientific taper, with the sole goal of getting to zero as quickly as is safely possible, takes a boatload of discipline with the one thing we have little to no discipline with, but so does a cold-turkey, "I'm done with drinking - that's it."
I have successfully tapered. Got off from drinking the better part of a 5th of vodka daily for many years with zero withdrawals. It was either go to a doc for benzos, taper, or roll the dice and potentially have seizures while living alone or even die from withdrawals.
That said, a mindful and scientific taper, with the sole goal of getting to zero as quickly as is safely possible, takes a boatload of discipline with the one thing we have little to no discipline with, but so does a cold-turkey, "I'm done with drinking - that's it."
And I'm so happy to know your off it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 42
So awesome you are supportive. I put you in the category of angel.
I am new - 3 days sober (although I have been sober before a few times for as long as 6 months). Had a big fight with the wife last night and slept on the couch. She is upset with me quitting and now I am "no fun".
I do know diversion is good. I know one symptom of quitting is irritability and grumpiness. He is not mad at you, he just needs something to grump at and you are there.
Might get deleted or booted for rules violation (note to moderator - pls just tell me and I will never bring it up again - pls do not boot me - I am just getting started and need this community):
Sex is a big deal to men and alcohol plays into this. I know for me, I am shy but when I drink, I get over it. The hardest part for me was/is no sex. I know at some point drinking kills the ability to perform but for some reason, for me, it makes it possible. Your understanding and being a bit more salacious might help?
And thanks for being such a good woman.
I am new - 3 days sober (although I have been sober before a few times for as long as 6 months). Had a big fight with the wife last night and slept on the couch. She is upset with me quitting and now I am "no fun".
I do know diversion is good. I know one symptom of quitting is irritability and grumpiness. He is not mad at you, he just needs something to grump at and you are there.
Might get deleted or booted for rules violation (note to moderator - pls just tell me and I will never bring it up again - pls do not boot me - I am just getting started and need this community):
Sex is a big deal to men and alcohol plays into this. I know for me, I am shy but when I drink, I get over it. The hardest part for me was/is no sex. I know at some point drinking kills the ability to perform but for some reason, for me, it makes it possible. Your understanding and being a bit more salacious might help?
And thanks for being such a good woman.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Weaning from alcohol is very difficult for alcoholics. This is a common topic here, and most often, stopping cold-turkey is easier, as long as your dr agrees.
I also hope that you take care of yourself and seek support from AlAnon in your area and also from our Friends & Families forum.
I also hope that you take care of yourself and seek support from AlAnon in your area and also from our Friends & Families forum.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 336
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Yeah, this was my exact experience, too.
I think some people can do a taper, BUT the amount the OP's husband is still drinking is nothing close to a taper. I think if it is going to be done, it has to have a very short duration. I took three days. From 12 units down to two on Day One. Two down to one on Day Two. Just a tiny nip (like a half ounce of rum) on Day Three and that was it. If I had found that to be impossible, I might have just quit and that could be dangerous, too.
I think some people can do a taper, BUT the amount the OP's husband is still drinking is nothing close to a taper. I think if it is going to be done, it has to have a very short duration. I took three days. From 12 units down to two on Day One. Two down to one on Day Two. Just a tiny nip (like a half ounce of rum) on Day Three and that was it. If I had found that to be impossible, I might have just quit and that could be dangerous, too.
Originally Posted by Happysue
May I ask how long it took you. I know everybody is different. He seems so positive about getting off it, also I can see bits of denial.
And I'm so happy to know your off it.
And I'm so happy to know your off it.
Tapers are really hard because once you get a little lit, it's easy to run to the store (or fridge/cabinet) to get a night cap and delay the process. Lots of failures getting it off the ground before it sticks.
The reason why cold-turkey works for the majority is because once a person has that day where they say, "Eff this ****, I'm never touching this **** again" only then are they really ready to commit to making a go at sobriety. Once one reaches that point, then they are ready and dangling a carrot everyday by drinking smaller amounts is really hard.
I don't think any heavy drinker should go cold-turkey without a doctor's guidance/assistance. Some of the posters saying they'd choose severe withdrawals and suffering etc that cold-turkey brings over any other method seems bizarre to me when a doc can put you on meds for a week or so and set you right. It's also different for people based on how long and how much.
Does he really, really, really want to get off alcohol? Ask him to ask himself that question. It's that third really that drives the point home. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 140
There’s already been lots of incredible advice from some very wise and knowledgeable people sent your way on this thread, so there’s not much I can really add in that regard. But if I may say, your husband is a very lucky man that he has a partner that would actually reach out for help like this on his behalf. I don’t think I’ve ever met another human-being that would do that for me. Kudos to you, you’re wonderful.
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