I feel afraid
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
I feel afraid
Hi everyone
So today I found out my alcoholic brother is buying another gun for himself. I don't know if it's silly or not but I feel afraid for him to have guns in the house while he's actively drinking. He's been physically abusive to me in the past and remains verbally abusive to my mother and I. I have no means of moving elsewhere and everyone I've talked to seems to think I'm wrong to feel this way. How can I work to overcome this fear?
So today I found out my alcoholic brother is buying another gun for himself. I don't know if it's silly or not but I feel afraid for him to have guns in the house while he's actively drinking. He's been physically abusive to me in the past and remains verbally abusive to my mother and I. I have no means of moving elsewhere and everyone I've talked to seems to think I'm wrong to feel this way. How can I work to overcome this fear?
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
Listen to your gut.
My extended family has a nasty habit of dismissing the violent tendencies of one particular individual. He sent the mother of his child to the hospital, sexually assaulted my sister, physically abused his sister to the point that she got sent to foster care, and has been violent to other family members as well. His mom also watched as my nanny beat me up with her shoe. I was told to be nice. I remember being eight. He had hurt me because I wouldn't let go of a kite that he wanted. He told me he would kill me. I told him that I hated him. My dad and aunt watched and did nothing.
I remember feeling that life was grossly unfair because _I_ got in trouble for yelling at him, but telling him that I hated him was actually the best thing I ever did for myself, because he knew right then and there I was not going to be an easy mark. I wasn't going to be nice. I think as a society we women are taught too often to be nice. To smile when we don't feel like it. To smooth things over when there is conflict. To squelch the voice that tells you that something is wrong.
If your gut is screaming that something is wrong, it's usually because something IS wrong. You can never guess how badly people want to keep the status quo. You can never guess how badly people want to keep that damned apple cart untipped, even if it's filled to brim with worms.
People are telling you not to worry because it is easier than facing the issue head on. Your mom is also so accustomed to being an abuse victim that her instincts have been dulled. You have an alcoholic brother who just bought a gun.
Why do you feel that you are stuck? Is it financial or emotional? If you feel that you can't leave your mom alone with your brother, that is a legitimate concern. However, your mom is a grown woman and she can choose who lives and stays in her house. And I'm going to make the presumption that neither you or your mom are 1) doctors 2) police officers 3) addiction counselors 4) social workers 4) psychologists 5) psychiatrists (let me know if I'm wrong). You're not professionals and your brother is dealing with a problem that can is tricky even for the people mentioned above.
If the issue is financial, one of the best ways to overcome your fear is to start taking steps to move away. Create a bank account that nobody knows about - and make sure all the records are electronic so only you know of its existence. Start looking at roommate ads. You may not have the means to leave right now, but it's incredibly empowering to know that you're getting there.
Have you thought about contacting a domestic violence counselor? Unfortunately, domestic violence is pretty common between siblings...
My extended family has a nasty habit of dismissing the violent tendencies of one particular individual. He sent the mother of his child to the hospital, sexually assaulted my sister, physically abused his sister to the point that she got sent to foster care, and has been violent to other family members as well. His mom also watched as my nanny beat me up with her shoe. I was told to be nice. I remember being eight. He had hurt me because I wouldn't let go of a kite that he wanted. He told me he would kill me. I told him that I hated him. My dad and aunt watched and did nothing.
I remember feeling that life was grossly unfair because _I_ got in trouble for yelling at him, but telling him that I hated him was actually the best thing I ever did for myself, because he knew right then and there I was not going to be an easy mark. I wasn't going to be nice. I think as a society we women are taught too often to be nice. To smile when we don't feel like it. To smooth things over when there is conflict. To squelch the voice that tells you that something is wrong.
If your gut is screaming that something is wrong, it's usually because something IS wrong. You can never guess how badly people want to keep the status quo. You can never guess how badly people want to keep that damned apple cart untipped, even if it's filled to brim with worms.
People are telling you not to worry because it is easier than facing the issue head on. Your mom is also so accustomed to being an abuse victim that her instincts have been dulled. You have an alcoholic brother who just bought a gun.
Why do you feel that you are stuck? Is it financial or emotional? If you feel that you can't leave your mom alone with your brother, that is a legitimate concern. However, your mom is a grown woman and she can choose who lives and stays in her house. And I'm going to make the presumption that neither you or your mom are 1) doctors 2) police officers 3) addiction counselors 4) social workers 4) psychologists 5) psychiatrists (let me know if I'm wrong). You're not professionals and your brother is dealing with a problem that can is tricky even for the people mentioned above.
If the issue is financial, one of the best ways to overcome your fear is to start taking steps to move away. Create a bank account that nobody knows about - and make sure all the records are electronic so only you know of its existence. Start looking at roommate ads. You may not have the means to leave right now, but it's incredibly empowering to know that you're getting there.
Have you thought about contacting a domestic violence counselor? Unfortunately, domestic violence is pretty common between siblings...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by PuzzledHeart 
Listen to your gut.
My extended family has a nasty habit of dismissing the violent tendencies of one particular individual. He sent the mother of his child to the hospital, sexually assaulted my sister, physically abused his sister to the point that she got sent to foster care, and has been violent to other family members as well. His mom also watched as my nanny beat me up with her shoe. I was told to be nice. I remember being eight. He had hurt me because I wouldn't let go of a kite that he wanted. He told me he would kill me. I told him that I hated him. My dad and aunt watched and did nothing.
I remember feeling that life was grossly unfair because _I_ got in trouble for yelling at him, but telling him that I hated him was actually the best thing I ever did for myself, because he knew right then and there I was not going to be an easy mark. I wasn't going to be nice. I think as a society we women are taught too often to be nice. To smile when we don't feel like it. To smooth things over when there is conflict. To squelch the voice that tells you that something is wrong.
If your gut is screaming that something is wrong, it's usually because something IS wrong. You can never guess how badly people want to keep the status quo. You can never guess how badly people want to keep that damned apple cart untipped, even if it's filled to brim with worms.
People are telling you not to worry because it is easier than facing the issue head on. Your mom is also so accustomed to being an abuse victim that her instincts have been dulled. You have an alcoholic brother who just bought a gun.
Why do you feel that you are stuck? Is it financial or emotional? If you feel that you can't leave your mom alone with your brother, that is a legitimate concern. However, your mom is a grown woman and she can choose who lives and stays in her house. And I'm going to make the presumption that neither you or your mom are 1) doctors 2) police officers 3) addiction counselors 4) social workers 4) psychologists 5) psychiatrists (let me know if I'm wrong). You're not professionals and your brother is dealing with a problem that can is tricky even for the people mentioned above.
If the issue is financial, one of the best ways to overcome your fear is to start taking steps to move away. Create a bank account that nobody knows about - and make sure all the records are electronic so only you know of its existence. Start looking at roommate ads. You may not have the means to leave right now, but it's incredibly empowering to know that you're getting there.
Have you thought about contacting a domestic violence counselor? Unfortunately, domestic violence is pretty common between siblings...
My extended family has a nasty habit of dismissing the violent tendencies of one particular individual. He sent the mother of his child to the hospital, sexually assaulted my sister, physically abused his sister to the point that she got sent to foster care, and has been violent to other family members as well. His mom also watched as my nanny beat me up with her shoe. I was told to be nice. I remember being eight. He had hurt me because I wouldn't let go of a kite that he wanted. He told me he would kill me. I told him that I hated him. My dad and aunt watched and did nothing.
I remember feeling that life was grossly unfair because _I_ got in trouble for yelling at him, but telling him that I hated him was actually the best thing I ever did for myself, because he knew right then and there I was not going to be an easy mark. I wasn't going to be nice. I think as a society we women are taught too often to be nice. To smile when we don't feel like it. To smooth things over when there is conflict. To squelch the voice that tells you that something is wrong.
If your gut is screaming that something is wrong, it's usually because something IS wrong. You can never guess how badly people want to keep the status quo. You can never guess how badly people want to keep that damned apple cart untipped, even if it's filled to brim with worms.
People are telling you not to worry because it is easier than facing the issue head on. Your mom is also so accustomed to being an abuse victim that her instincts have been dulled. You have an alcoholic brother who just bought a gun.
Why do you feel that you are stuck? Is it financial or emotional? If you feel that you can't leave your mom alone with your brother, that is a legitimate concern. However, your mom is a grown woman and she can choose who lives and stays in her house. And I'm going to make the presumption that neither you or your mom are 1) doctors 2) police officers 3) addiction counselors 4) social workers 4) psychologists 5) psychiatrists (let me know if I'm wrong). You're not professionals and your brother is dealing with a problem that can is tricky even for the people mentioned above.
If the issue is financial, one of the best ways to overcome your fear is to start taking steps to move away. Create a bank account that nobody knows about - and make sure all the records are electronic so only you know of its existence. Start looking at roommate ads. You may not have the means to leave right now, but it's incredibly empowering to know that you're getting there.
Have you thought about contacting a domestic violence counselor? Unfortunately, domestic violence is pretty common between siblings...
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Mya, and Welcome;
I think it is wise to be thinking about the potential dangers of an armed, active alcoholic with a history of violence. I hope that both you and your mother will consider contacting the Domestic Violence hotline to see what ideas and resources they may be able to provide.
There are several resources at this link you may find helpful.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...out-abuse.html (About Abuse)
I think it is wise to be thinking about the potential dangers of an armed, active alcoholic with a history of violence. I hope that both you and your mother will consider contacting the Domestic Violence hotline to see what ideas and resources they may be able to provide.
There are several resources at this link you may find helpful.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...out-abuse.html (About Abuse)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Mya,
I feel for you, I am not a big fan of guns. Does he have a foid card? These guns need to be registered? If they are then I am not sure if there is anything you can do, but give the cops a heads up, maybe. If he doesn't have them registered. Report them and they will be taken away. Sorry and stay safe.
I feel for you, I am not a big fan of guns. Does he have a foid card? These guns need to be registered? If they are then I am not sure if there is anything you can do, but give the cops a heads up, maybe. If he doesn't have them registered. Report them and they will be taken away. Sorry and stay safe.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
Yes to what Serene said, and ASAP.
Originally Posted by Seren
Hello Mya, and Welcome;
I think it is wise to be thinking about the potential dangers of an armed, active alcoholic with a history of violence. I hope that both you and your mother will consider contacting the Domestic Violence hotline to see what ideas and resources they may be able to provide.
There are several resources at this link you may find helpful.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...out-abuse.html (About Abuse)
I think it is wise to be thinking about the potential dangers of an armed, active alcoholic with a history of violence. I hope that both you and your mother will consider contacting the Domestic Violence hotline to see what ideas and resources they may be able to provide.
There are several resources at this link you may find helpful.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...out-abuse.html (About Abuse)
Last edited by DesertEyes; 02-17-2018 at 08:34 AM. Reason: Fixed broken quote
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I'm a big gun guy,but..I gave all of mine to my business partner to hold while I got sober. I'm not a violent person(bar fight here and there when younger),but I was worried for my own safety once my drinking reached a certain point of just not caring anymore. So, I agree that booze and guns do not mix. Even when I was drinking I'd never go shooting drunk or with anyone drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Check into resources on campus. Start with student services or heath services and see if there's help available. I agree with the others - moving out sooner is safer. How is your mom dealing with all of this? It must be so very difficult for all of you. You deserve better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
In light of what happened in Florida this past week, I would strongly encourage you to contact the police and see what they suggest. Alcoholism is a mental illness of sorts... and him having guns or easy access to guns is simply danagerous to himself, those close to him, and those that he does not even know.
Please take action.. people complain about lack of gun control, but when someone truly has an opportunity to point out a dangerous situation yet it falls flat, that is defeating the argument.
Gun control begins with the gun owner...
Please take action.. people complain about lack of gun control, but when someone truly has an opportunity to point out a dangerous situation yet it falls flat, that is defeating the argument.
Gun control begins with the gun owner...
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