Flinders39

I’ll be seven months sober tomorrow - yet, I’m still mad as hell.

I’m mad at what alcohol has cost and almost cost me and I’m irate because I can’t drink - I can’t get that “escape” anymore.

Does anyone else feel this way?

4Thorns

Yes! I'm only at 30 days but I feel angry when other people around me seems to be able to have a drink to socialize and relax and I cannot. I especially hate that I can't share a bottle of wine with my husband at the end of a long day at work. I'm angry that he feels he can't drink around me and he is a normal drinker. I'm angry that I can't drink (which, of course is why I am a problematic drinker).

I remember that I used to say "I hope that I never become an alcoholic because I love to drink and would hate to ever have to quit". It's ironic how that sounds in my ears now, but at the time I thought I was being quite witty.

Hang in there!
4Thorns

lessgravity

Feel that way right now as I type this. But like you, I'm not going to drink.

Trying to think of this Zen/Buddhist line somewhere, paraphrased: When there is anger and pain, look where it is, and learn.

Either way, I also am pissed tonight. Here's to riding it out.

Flinders39

Thanks, everyone. I’m in a room full of people (at an awards ceremony) and the liquor is flowing. It’s just awful, but I won’t drink.

least

To ease out of that anger, I suggest starting a gratitude list. Every day write down something you're grateful for. No matter how small. I found that gratitude made my sobriety easier and more comfortable.

lessgravity

Feel for you. That's the worst. Ride it out.

Babescake

Every day and I'm at over 40 days now (decided not to count). But I get irrationally angry at many things. I still get massive cravings, despite rehab, which suck. And I get pissed that my STBXH still drinks and is going out my first week back at home to drink with friends while I watch our son. I get admonished and shamed, no go for him. I hate the unfairness. I HATE IT. But tis life. I can't change it. I just TRY to stay mindful and keep going. It will get easier. I hope too, you're not the only one hoping it does.

Anna

I was really angry in the early days of my recovery, too. I think most of my anger was directed at myself for allowing myself to become an alcoholic. I eventually tried journaling when I was angry, just getting the words down on paper, and it helped. I actually wrote for months attempting to get everything out.

I hope you are able to find some peace.

TheToddman

I completely get this. There are times that I struggle with anger on both counts. Kudos to you for recognizing this and dealing with it (e.g. being here).

You have seven months sobriety. That's freaking awesome

T.

rascalwhiteoak

Boozy ceremonies are the worst. But I didn't really enjoy them even when I was partaking.

Seven months is great, and it's seven months you haven't wasted being drunk. Focus on that instead of what was before.

CaliButterfly

Maybe something like this?

"Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us.” ~Pema Chodron

I know it's not exactly what you mention, but it's along the same vein.

I can't be angry for past mistakes, because they are in the past and can't be changed. Emotion wasted unnecessarily. I'm not angry that I can't ever drink again either, just disappointed that I can't be a "normal" drinker. Ever. It's acceptance of what is. Hard reality.

Alysheba

I feel really p.o.'d that I can't drink either. God, I hope I can make it.

Dee74

I was angry for a while until I realised how much better my sober life was for me.
Sometimes gifts come strangely wrapped


D

BarbieKen

I remembered my counselor in Rehab telling me that all these emotions bubbling up in me and coming OUT were normal. For a couple decades I silenced those emotions by pouring bottles of Cabernet down my throat.

I was feeling again...YIKES!!!!! Hold on, and I'd suggest a plan. Personally I started going to meetings, and being of service. I do know, from my personal experience, that working with/being of service/and just talking to another addict DOES get me out of myself.

We do this together family.
Bobbi

goodbyeevan

Your seven months gives me hope so please don't be angry at it

scottynz

I have come to realise that I am grieving for the loss of alcohol in my life, even if it was an abusive relationship that would beat me up over and over then seduce me with false promises.

It is still a loss and there are stages that go with grieving including anger. The best I can do is to try not to direct that anger at myself for past mistakes. In time I will celebrate the freedom from alcohol, but at 31days I certainly know the anger stage, I guess at least I am not still living in denial about the extent of my drinking problem.

Berrybean

Have you read around PAWS at all?

I found this article very very helpful at around 6 months. It helped me understand why I might be feeling this way and gave me some suggestions of things that might help. My part in it was that I acted on some of those suggestions and thankfully found some relief.

https://digital-dharma.net/post-acut...r-immediately/

BB

PeacefulWater12

I was very angry too. My emotions ran riot, having been supressed for so many years by alcohol. I felt burning rage. At anything and everything.

I found a recovery program that was a good fit for me and worked it. I released my angry gradually. Took a long time, I did it in manageable chunks.

Eventually I began to feel peace.

I am nearly 8 years sober now, I rarely get angry. If I do its very mild, it alerts me that action on a particular issue is needed.

Nothing like the burning, red hot rage I had before. Often that rage would look for something to hang itself on. As example, my husband. I would rant and rage at him or about him. It was nothing to do with him. It was in me. He was my scapegoat.

Flinders39

I just read it. Wow, what an eye opener - thank you.

Berrybean

Just remember though, knowledge is all very well, but our recovery tends to be as good as the action we're prepared to take.

Take care Flinders.

BB