JackD89

I will hit my one month mark on Saturday. This has been the longest I have been sober since I was 15. I'm 28.

I started really hitting the bottle hard around 22. It went from a bottle of wine to a half pint of vodka, and finally, a pint or more of vodka every night for the last three or so years.

I started seeing a therapist, and after our first meeting, he suggested I consider outpatient treatment programs to detox safely. It scared the **** out of me. So I decided to stop myself to see if I could do it. I understand the dangers of doing this without medical assistance, but nothing terrible happened . . . this time.

Now, almost one month sober, the thought of drinking scares me a lot. My therapist seems shocked that I was able to just stop. But I didn't "just stop." It has taken me years of continuous thought and self-reflection to get here. I genuinely do not want to pick up the bottle, but the thought that I could lingers in the back of my mind. I am afraid I am in a honeymoon period where my motivation behind not drinking is peaking, and that I may forget my reasons.

I write every morning in a journal to remind myself why this is important. It's probably my greatest coping mechanism, and right now, it works for me.

Can any of you share what helps you to stay sober? I want to keep this going.

Soberlight

I understand about forgetting your reason to stay sober! That little problem kept me from growing and changing for 20 years. I had to have a strong enough reason for being powerless. I admitted that I was powerless before so I wouldn't lose my boyfriend who was going into recovery. I stayed sober for almost 4 years and I was a train wreck the whole time thinking i was doing awesome. I was afraid to be sincere and I truly wasn't but pretended to be. My ego was running the show the whole time. I had 5 sponsees and only mascaraded as taking care of myself. I truly was doing the best that I could. I think the festering issue at the bottom of all that manipulation and deceit was that I didn't have a strong enough reason for being powerless. Now it's very simple. I understand that if I take a drink, I will most definitely black out. The consequences behind blacking out could be tragic as I understand tragedy from loosing 4 of my siblings to this disease. I saw how it destroyed them and their children's lives. It grieved me deeply and scared me to my core because I knew I was no different than they and I knew it could be me! My baby brother died in a blackout I am sure because he drowned in his own vomit. I drank because I was selfish and fearful. I had no living skills. I knew nothing about how to trust a higher power and i was a cocky arrogant hot mess. My life was definitely unmanageable but I still could not admit my powerlessness. Today I understand that I will black out if I drink and I don't want to kill myself or others. I'm tired of being another parasite on this society only thinking of myself and manipulating situations to get by, never adding to another's life but only taking. That simple thing of knowing that I will black out if I drink and fear of the possible impending consequences of blacking out along with working the 12 steps and relying on my higher power is what keeps me sober.

Eaglelizard

In a word, goals. Those things you forgot about when your self image was that of a worthless drunk--although you may not have recognized it at the time. Goals give you something to chip away at and work well with the whole one-day-at-a-time concept...for me, anyway. After several months you will look back and wonder why in the H you almost gave up on yourself all those years when you were underneath the bottle.

Komplex

Congrats on 29 days, I’m one day behind you. For me the support of my family and also AA meetings has been a lifesaver! Let’s keep going together!!!

Dee74

Posting and reading here became part of my daily routine and I credit SR with helping me get sober and stay that way, at least initially

congrats on 29 days

D