The Guilt of Wanting to Leave
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 2
The Guilt of Wanting to Leave
Just want to say first that I am new to this whole experience but hoping to share my experiences and feelings about living with an alcoholic. I just feel like I need to get it off my chest but at the same time I don't want to have the pity of everyone around me.
I have recently hit my limit. I no longer think I can take the constant let down and embarrassment caused by my dad. He has been an alcohol since I can remember. Thankfully, my mother had the good sense to take me away and leave him when I was around four years old. We began a new life and I didn't really realize the extent to his disease. Unfortunately my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and passed away a few years ago. This left me in the care of my father who promised my mum he had changed and would be there for me.
But I'm sure as you all know with addicts they hardly keep their promises.
soon after she passed he was back to his old ways, the constant drinking, the abuse- mostly mentally. But I think this is sometimes worse than the physical.
I am currently undergoing university exams and just think I have had enough. I just want to run and never stop, but how can I? what will he do? who will be there for him?
The guilt of leaving him is killing me, but so is the constant battle with him to realize the problem he has.
I have recently hit my limit. I no longer think I can take the constant let down and embarrassment caused by my dad. He has been an alcohol since I can remember. Thankfully, my mother had the good sense to take me away and leave him when I was around four years old. We began a new life and I didn't really realize the extent to his disease. Unfortunately my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and passed away a few years ago. This left me in the care of my father who promised my mum he had changed and would be there for me.
But I'm sure as you all know with addicts they hardly keep their promises.
soon after she passed he was back to his old ways, the constant drinking, the abuse- mostly mentally. But I think this is sometimes worse than the physical.
I am currently undergoing university exams and just think I have had enough. I just want to run and never stop, but how can I? what will he do? who will be there for him?
The guilt of leaving him is killing me, but so is the constant battle with him to realize the problem he has.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,469
Welcome,
I am sorry for the circumstances that bring you here, but you are amongst a lot of good people and support.
Like above, he is not your responsibility. You do not have to take care of him, he is a grown man and you are just starting your life. Does it sound like a good life to take care of someone other than yourself forever?
I pray you are able to find the strength to move on and maybe find some counseling to deal with guilt if you carry that around for leaving. You can do this, for you. You will be much happier.
I left my mom due to her alcoholism. I can not deal with her outbursts, and so much more. I no longer speak to her, she is destructive to me, and I will not allow that in my life. It would do nothing but bring me down when all I want is to be happy and free (however that looks to me)
I am sorry for the circumstances that bring you here, but you are amongst a lot of good people and support.
Like above, he is not your responsibility. You do not have to take care of him, he is a grown man and you are just starting your life. Does it sound like a good life to take care of someone other than yourself forever?
I pray you are able to find the strength to move on and maybe find some counseling to deal with guilt if you carry that around for leaving. You can do this, for you. You will be much happier.
I left my mom due to her alcoholism. I can not deal with her outbursts, and so much more. I no longer speak to her, she is destructive to me, and I will not allow that in my life. It would do nothing but bring me down when all I want is to be happy and free (however that looks to me)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 19
Don't feel guilty. Help yourself if no one will. He is molding the person you are becoming and you don't need that sickness in your life.
I left my parents and siblings 15 years ago because of abuse. I have some guilt that my daughter does not know them or met them even. I am keeping myself and my daughter safe from abuse or at least giving us peace of mind. It is much healthier in the long run.
Don't get caught up in this. As a recovering alcoholic, take it from me, there is nothing you can do to change him. It takes a personal rock bottom and may not even concern you. He will live and learn hopefully but you don't have to be subject to this or future children to worry about. Please take a breather from him and get yourself in the right place.
I left my parents and siblings 15 years ago because of abuse. I have some guilt that my daughter does not know them or met them even. I am keeping myself and my daughter safe from abuse or at least giving us peace of mind. It is much healthier in the long run.
Don't get caught up in this. As a recovering alcoholic, take it from me, there is nothing you can do to change him. It takes a personal rock bottom and may not even concern you. He will live and learn hopefully but you don't have to be subject to this or future children to worry about. Please take a breather from him and get yourself in the right place.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: ireland
Posts: 138
Thanks for your post,
Stick with the University exams, they are your future and if you need to escape the house go to the library but don't let anyone jeopardize your exams.You should not have to put up with any level of abuse seek support for this, and you cannot change a person unless they want to change for themselves.
Stick with the University exams, they are your future and if you need to escape the house go to the library but don't let anyone jeopardize your exams.You should not have to put up with any level of abuse seek support for this, and you cannot change a person unless they want to change for themselves.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
Posts: 911
Whether you leave or not he will still be the same.
Finish your exams first then decide.
It’s your life. Don’t let alcohol take it, because it will.
Maybe he will get help one day, that’s his decision to make.
Then you can support him if you feel the need.
You haven’t done anything wrong.
Live your life the way you want to. I’m a dad and that’s all I want for my daughter.
Finish your exams first then decide.
It’s your life. Don’t let alcohol take it, because it will.
Maybe he will get help one day, that’s his decision to make.
Then you can support him if you feel the need.
You haven’t done anything wrong.
Live your life the way you want to. I’m a dad and that’s all I want for my daughter.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
LR I'm so sorry for what brings you here but am pleased that you are reaching out.
There are a number of places that can help you to move past these feelings of guilt (and other feelings that are likely to accost you both now and in the future).
AlAnon and ACoA will both be good places for you to get support. Also you can keep posting here, plus there is a Friends and Family of Alcoholics subforum here as well... https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Please do set some healthy boundaries. There is nothing you can do to stop your dad drinking alcoholically, and actually, having someone there to stop them experiencing the full consequences of their choices really does keep the alcoholic drinking for longer.
If you choose not to go to university, please make sure it's because you don't want to do it just yet, and no other reason.
BB
There are a number of places that can help you to move past these feelings of guilt (and other feelings that are likely to accost you both now and in the future).
AlAnon and ACoA will both be good places for you to get support. Also you can keep posting here, plus there is a Friends and Family of Alcoholics subforum here as well... https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/
Please do set some healthy boundaries. There is nothing you can do to stop your dad drinking alcoholically, and actually, having someone there to stop them experiencing the full consequences of their choices really does keep the alcoholic drinking for longer.
If you choose not to go to university, please make sure it's because you don't want to do it just yet, and no other reason.
BB
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 131
What an unbelievably terrible situation to be in and i really feel for you.I hope you will get a lot of support and advice in the family and friends section of this site, sure you will
I can 100% guarantee you something and that is the alcoholic or problem drinker will turn anyone they can into an enabler which means that for so long as you tolerate in any small way their drinking it will give, in their diseased minds, a good enough reason to continue drinking and not to do anything about it.
I can 100% guarantee you something and that is the alcoholic or problem drinker will turn anyone they can into an enabler which means that for so long as you tolerate in any small way their drinking it will give, in their diseased minds, a good enough reason to continue drinking and not to do anything about it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
