Bluee12

Day 1 again and again....I've gotten to the point where I have given up..

I wish I could tell you how bad last night was....but its so bad I cant even speak.
I need help.

Awake61

I know how you are feeling. Keep getting back up. It's trite to say, but this is a new day.

lessgravity

Whats your plan?

Horn95

I know it is cliche, but remember, the mark of a person is not whether they get knocked down. The mark of the person is if they get back up. Stay at it!!!

icandothis20

Never ever give up- you posting here- thats a glimpse of hope in your soul. I have felt like that many times, and its tought to get going again, but you must.

Bluee12

I must.or I will die or kill someone driving. I feel like a loser who has no grip on reality and just keeps doing bad stuff over and over and over and over...you get it.and in top of that Im 50, retired and bored. So off to the bar

Bluee12

I have been sober for 9 hours and feel like dying. I am committed to never drink again and I am starting AA as soon as I can get out of bed.
God help me. Seriously its that bad I cant even speak about ehat I do when drinking. Self hate is the perfect for how I feel

02022018

Blue....instead of trying "harder", try "different".

What will you do today that is different that will help you kick this habit.

You are bored.....so instead of off to the bar. What else can you do?

Bluee12

You are right.....lets think...hmmmm I could get a dog. So I would get out and walk.
I have no friends or family because of my drinking. So sad

Berrybean

Aww Bluee. That self-loathing is something many of us feel when we first decide to get sober.

Good on ya. Have you looked up the meetings in your area. When you can talk without throwing up it's probably worth giving the hotline number a call and having a chat with someone from your local area. I know that having made personal contact it made it easier to finally get through the door of my first meeting.

BB

Bluee12

Thank you all for helping me.
I will start AA as soon as I feel better I think I need that.

Depression for 30years just makes it worse and drinking makes me more depressed. The cycle

Preciousguppy

I know EXACTLY how you feel. The good news is, you don't ever have to feel like this again. I'm sure every person here has felt the same way. I stopped drinking well into my 50's. It is never too late. You CAN feel better. And if you stop drinking, you WILL feel better, no matter what you've done while drinking. Do whatever you need to do to stop; everything else will get better. If you care enuf to post here today, you are on the right track. I pray that you can stay sober today. Don't beat yourself up, just don't drink.

Bluee12

I went to 1 meeting about 9 months ago and liked it alot. Kind of scary just because of the bad area its in.

Bluee12

Im crying. You guys made me feel so much better. I will be here on SR everyday too...thank you so much for your kind words and insight.

P.s. sometimes I feel like alcohol is killing me and messing up my heart.

Berrybean

Ummm. Well, it does tend to do that. It messes up our hearts, our livers, our souls, our relationships, our finances, our homes (mine was pretty much a slum by the end of my drinking, now it looks and smells gorgeous), our hope, our self-respect, our integrity. It's pretty poisonous to us alcoholics you know.

Why not listen in to some of the AA speakers while you're laying about, to get you in that recovery frame of mind .... http://www.recoveryaudio.org
Sandy Beach might be a good choice. He's lovely to listen to - like a hug from a kind grandfather. (No longer with us sadly- apparently died very elderly with a smile on his face in an AA meeting. They thought he'd fallen asleep).

BB

Berrybean

Maybe drive to some slightly further afield. When we're sober we can drive anywhere we like. Have another look at the listings for the meetings nearby and see what the options are.

BB

02022018

I hear you.

I started drinking in college. I started upping the alcohol in my 20's. Started daily when I had my first child 16 years ago. Been trying for YEARS now to quit.

I am also 50.

I have struggled with depression since I was child. I find that drinking definitely affects my depression - even if there is nothing to feel depressed about - the next day or even 2 after drinking heavily are a BLAH fest.

You need real people - you need support.

Mummyto2

We have all been there with really bad nights, stay strong

NewChapterJan18

Bluee, believe me, I can relate. I hate my behavior when drinking more than I could ever express. I lie, I am obnoxious and I am just a vile person. I am racked with guilt from my last bender in January, which ended in a blackout and left me only with patchy memories of the absolute ******** that I was saying, and the worst and most violent wave of anxiety and guilt I have ever experienced. I still hate myself for all of the damage I have caused and created while drunk, but I am looking forward in the hopes that getting and staying sober and being committed to my sober journey will at least make amends in some small way by showing remorse and acknowledgment for what I’ve done in the past, and my resolve never to repeat it again.

SR is a wonderful resource. We are all here to support and encourage one another. Please get yourself some help as soon as possible, and stay reading/posting here. On the bright side, this will be the last time you ever have to feel like this.

Dee74

welcome back Bluee

Getting a dog might be good in lots of ways but as many folks here will tell you that by itself will probably not be enough to keep you sober.

I had to make a lot of changes to my life - fundamental changes - changes to my social life, to the way I solved problems, to the way I had fun...cos all of that was connected to alcohol.

Not trying to scare or overwhelm you - you'll find a lot of support an advice here. You;re not alone

Here's some great ideas on what a recovery action plan could look like for you:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

D