Septemberschild

Hi, I have been reading SR on and off since 2008. I had gotten sober in 2008. I Even joined SR then I think, but did not post.
It is my 57th day without any alcohol. I was sober for just shy of five (5) years, and down I went for a little while. Then I got sober again for eight (8) months, then down I went. I'm trying to make this short, sorry.
But this time, I was mentally and physically dying. I got sober alone, in my home. Same place that I hid and did all my drinking daily. We all know what that is like. I did attend AA vigorously during those five years, but I divorced and moved away, alone. In addition, I did not ever complete the 12 steps. I did everything else in AA, but that. I did most steps, but not all. I never really set myself free.
Right now, I feel much better physically, just a tiny bit of anxiety, and more optimistic. But, I am so forgetful and tired/unmotivated. I do work full time. I know how much better it gets, but time is such a funny thing, in that you do not recall how much better it gets. I truly think most of my tiredness is due to stress and worry. I do not have cravings, just a glimpse here and there, but I rewind that tape in my head. Uh, no way. I have hobbies, and my biggest is photography and I am getting back into that and it brings me deep pleasure. Well, I just wanted to introduce myself and let you all know that reading all of your posts has been a life saver for me. I'm going to crawl under my fresh clean sheets now and enjoy another sober day coming. Thanks for reading and being here. I hope I can help someone too.

Dee74

Welcome to the posting side of things septemberschild

D

Septemberschild

Thank you Dee74! 🤗

scottynz

Welcome, thank you for sharing your story and experiences. Congratulations on 57 days and your earlier years of sobriety, that is inspiring.

Berrybean

Glad you're here and posting.

Sorry you stopped working your program. I don't suppose I'd be far away from a drink if I moved areas, away from my support network, and stopped working my program either. Sounds to me like it worked while you worked it. Why not get along to some meetings where you are now?

BB

Septemberschild

Thanks Scotty. I'm looking forward to posting and talking with you guys.

Septemberschild

Thanks everyone. That's the plan BB. I have to find a good meeting and there are plenty here. I'm just avoid those "I let people and myself down" feelings. You know.

Berrybean

Bless you. You know, we are human. People let US down. We let them down. We let ourselves down. That's why our HP is so, so important. God, my HP, is my rock. Through my 12-step program I can get a little closer to something like humility, which is where I can be close to my HP, receive grace, and start to forgive myself and others. Then I can find some peace and serenity, and sobriety becomes comfortable.

BB x

Septemberschild

Thanks BB. It's now day 60. I have strong faith in God. Serenity does not come easy with this right now. Too many paths I see. I am being a roadblock to myself right now. I know what to do, but can't seem to muster the motivation to start. Instead, I run around creating small tasks that I'm not finishing.