Need help on what to do
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
Need help on what to do
About six months ago, I had to let go of a friend because of her drinking. I made it clear that I was still there for her should she need me and when she was ready to give up drinking.
She recently reached out to me to get together. I’d found out through her partner that she had not had a drink in a month, and that she had a new therapist who had given her “new medication.”
She had recently reached out to hang out but I feel as though it’s going to be a repeat of the past. No amends, no acknowledgment of the past and an avoidance to discuss it. While I certainly don’t want to rehash ugly events, I do feel that just meeting and pretending as if nothing ever happened is going to lead nowhere, as it has in the past. She is definitely not in any program, which makes me believe that this isn’t about making amends. In fact, her email doesn’t event hint at it.
The question is this: how do I respond? Do I meet her? Or do I simply say, Right now, focus on your sobriety. I don’t want her to think I want nothing to do with her but I don’t want to meet her if this is just about pretending nothing has ever happened.
She recently reached out to me to get together. I’d found out through her partner that she had not had a drink in a month, and that she had a new therapist who had given her “new medication.”
She had recently reached out to hang out but I feel as though it’s going to be a repeat of the past. No amends, no acknowledgment of the past and an avoidance to discuss it. While I certainly don’t want to rehash ugly events, I do feel that just meeting and pretending as if nothing ever happened is going to lead nowhere, as it has in the past. She is definitely not in any program, which makes me believe that this isn’t about making amends. In fact, her email doesn’t event hint at it.
The question is this: how do I respond? Do I meet her? Or do I simply say, Right now, focus on your sobriety. I don’t want her to think I want nothing to do with her but I don’t want to meet her if this is just about pretending nothing has ever happened.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by FrancoJim 
I made it clear that I was still there for her should she need me and when she was ready to give up drinking.
If you are going to change the conditions, you need to tell her what your expectations are.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Anna
Carl's right. If the only thing you are interested in is the amends, then don't meet up with her. If you want to do what you said and be there for her, then go.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by August252015
Agree with the others.
Also - what does your program say about this sort of situation? (I am assuming that you are working one, and have some amount of sobriety?)
Also - what does your program say about this sort of situation? (I am assuming that you are working one, and have some amount of sobriety?)
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
