Current mood

Old 02-11-2018, 02:51 AM
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Current mood

I’m feeling very alone today. It’s been about two weeks since I broke up with my alcoholic ex and I miss him so much it hurts. I keep trying to focus on all the bad things he has done as I think embracing my anger is honestly productive for me at this stage. I was ranting to my housemate about some of his ****** behaviours and she very quickly snapped at me that I just needed to get over him and now I feel even more alone. I get how it must appear as an outsider and I don’t blame her for her response. I’d hate to think that I’ve become that person that is just a mood kill all the time. I try not to be and I don’t think I am too much of the time. I guess this is such a mind bending break up as to an outsider everything is clearly effed and I should just be able to move on. All my past break ups my friends have been able to support me and respond with understanding but this one is just so isolating. It’s such a horrible feeling. I don’t think there is much point to this post but I guess i just wanted to vent with people who do understand what it’s like.
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Old 02-11-2018, 03:26 AM
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harper, I hear you. I had a traumatic break up from an inappropriate relationship and I really was coping on my own. It does help to have a shoulder to cry on, but its not essential and the pain will diminish over time.
Is there anything you can do to either take your mind off the pain, or at least get your body good and tired. I promise that it will help although it doesn't seem so at the time.
SR will always be here for support and there are people who understand exactly want you're going through. It might help to read some thread by people who have broken with their As and are now so much happier.
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Old 02-11-2018, 03:26 AM
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You may be finding it harder to find support for this breakup b/c it doesn't make any sense for you to mourn its end. After all, he treated you badly; why would you be sad that it's over? However, what we mourn in cases like this isn't the loss of the actual relationship. What we're mourning is the loss of the dream we had, of the life we hoped for, the love we longed for.

This reading helped me to understand what it really was that I was mourning when I was struggling w/those feelings, and I hope you find some use in it too. There are 2 parts:

https://www.cottonwooddetucson.com/p...ner-112011.pdf

https://www.cottonwooddetucson.com/p...ner-112011.pdf
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Old 02-11-2018, 08:22 AM
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Argh Harperlee. "Get over it" is one of the least helpful things someone can say to you although I don't blame your roommate as she did't really sign up to be a grief counselor.

When I went through the grief, I didn't have anyone who understood nor supported me. It was before the internet. The friends and family around me would get angry with me for being upset. This is kinda why I am here as I don't want folks to have to go through it alone even if the support is just electronic.

Please do embrace the anger. Grieve the loss. Ride the rollercoaster of whatever emotions come. It is unfortunately the only way. You will get better but it takes time. And as you have probably heard, "Time takes time."

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Old 02-11-2018, 08:23 AM
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Harperlee.....I do think it helps to have compassionate people that you can talk to about your feelings....but, they do have to be compassionate and understanding....
This is exactly why we have support groups.....like alanon....and individual counselors....they fit the criteria...lol...
There are, also, groups that are called "grief support groups"....you are eligible for those, also.....
And, then, there is US....

I think it makes sense for you to use these resources while you are in this acute part of your grief......
You can find any of them by a google search....
You don't have anything to lose...and, you only stand to gain.....
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Old 02-11-2018, 03:34 PM
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Thanks once again for all your re-assuring words I am essentially mourning the loss of a dream but on top of that it’s like mourning the loss of my ex to his addiction. It’s such a horrible double whammy. Honeypig those articles were really insightful, thank you!

I guess I do just need to be careful with who I share my feelings with and I am planning on seeing a counsellor to help unravel all the damage caused by this relationship.
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Old 02-11-2018, 08:21 PM
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Hugs to you Lady. This is so hard. it has been 3 decades since I went through this but I still remember the pain.

Take care of yourself; this hurts beyond even a physical death.
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:24 AM
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Harperlee I am standing in your shoes right now. It has been 5 weeks for me. I hate this. I still love him and want him BUT I know he isn’t good for me in the long run and I need to take care of myself.

A great blog called BAGGAGE RECLAIM helps me immensely. It’s for women who love unavailable men. The author, Natalie Lue, has also written two great books: MR UNAVAILABLE AND THE FALLBACK GIRL and THE NO CONTACT RULE. Both of these have helped me immensely. Helped me to understand myself, why I love an alcoholic man, what underlying hurts and fears keep me clinging to him. Why this is hard and how I can make it easier.

A podcast I love is WIFE OF AN ALCOHOLIC. She keeps the focus on practical advice to everyday problems. I listen to it every week.

I go to Alanon once a week for the group fellowship. I see a counselor to talk about my “inner child” healing.

I have a morning ritual of coffee, spending time here, journaling, and meditation. Starts my day in a good vibe.

I’m doing Whole30 eating plan, eating very clean healthy foods and not eating crap. It’s helping my body so much!!

I was having a hard time sleeping, so I have a new bedtime ritual. Bath with epsom salts, cup of night night tea, and I take magnesium and melatonin. I’m sleeping better now, and that helps.

I still can’t motivate myself to exercise! I wish I could! I live in a rainforest and the constant rain makes my body lazy! Lol

Keep posting here. We all help each other!! Love and hugs, Sailor
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