Recovery: Fifty Shades Isn't Empowering, It's Abuse
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Recovery: Fifty Shades Isn't Empowering, It's Abuse
Why Is 'Fifty Shades Freed' Glamorizing Sexual Violence in a #MeToo Culture?
https://townhall.com/columnists/kath...lture-n2408835
The topic of abuse and the 50 shades books and movies has been brought up before and in many articles.
This time around I'm able to state out loud my views and opinions, without reserve. I've grown in my recovery, thanks to this forum, domestic abuse counseling... much centered on psychological abuse I grew up with.... and a growing support network of HEALTHY people in my life.
https://townhall.com/columnists/kath...lture-n2408835
The topic of abuse and the 50 shades books and movies has been brought up before and in many articles.
This time around I'm able to state out loud my views and opinions, without reserve. I've grown in my recovery, thanks to this forum, domestic abuse counseling... much centered on psychological abuse I grew up with.... and a growing support network of HEALTHY people in my life.
Published: Aug. 21, 2014
READING ‘FIFTY SHADES’ LINKED TO UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS
Contact(s): Amy Bonomi , Andy Henion
Young adult women who read “Fifty Shades of Grey” are more likely than nonreaders to exhibit signs of eating disorders and have a verbally abusive partner.
...
while the study did not distinguish whether women experienced the health behaviors before or after reading the books, it’s a potential problem either way, she said.
http://msutoday.msu.edu/news/2014/re...thy-behaviors/
READING ‘FIFTY SHADES’ LINKED TO UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS
Contact(s): Amy Bonomi , Andy Henion
Young adult women who read “Fifty Shades of Grey” are more likely than nonreaders to exhibit signs of eating disorders and have a verbally abusive partner.
...
while the study did not distinguish whether women experienced the health behaviors before or after reading the books, it’s a potential problem either way, she said.
http://msutoday.msu.edu/news/2014/re...thy-behaviors/
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
I hope I don't bore anyone with this post. Just rambling here. I'm a book nerd:
I think EL James, in a different era, might have been Mary Gaitskill. But she is not. Her writing is really not that complicated.
What Men Talk About When They Talk About Mary Gaitskill - The Rumpus.net
Gaitskill's stories are not galvanizing, do not claim to be feminist, do not have happy endings, and are about the ambiguities of sex, violence, and power in a world where there is an imbalance of power between the genders.
EL James is S&M tied up pretty in a bow made of Big Mac wrappers, and mass-marketed as "romance". Also, the various Shades of Grey have happy endings, and the female protagonist seems to enjoy the violence. Gaitskill, in contrast, does not write about women enjoying anything... and if they do, it's ambiguous. She has more in common with Dada than Mills and Boons.
EL James writes novels that, if it were with a different publisher, would feature Fabio on the cover. If you're interested in romance, you could go full Barbara Cartland and just... go for it. Or be old school and read Jane Austen. If you are interested in violence, power, and sex, and you don't mind reading something depressing: "Bad Behavior" by Mary Gaitskill... or (a bit less depressing) "Promiscuities" by Naomi Wolf.
The "50 Shades" films were really the most boring I had ever watched on TV. I don't think I finished watching them, don't remember the plots, felt sorry for the actors, the director, all of them. Why is it in the past few years the blockbuster books have been about vampires and their female victims (Twilight), S&M (50 Shades...), or some mousy female who has to choose between two equally unstable, damaged males (The Hunger Games). And all these books are written by women. And they ALL have happy endings -- as if these things are "happy". I don't get it.
I'm old, I'm going outside to shout at clouds now.
I think EL James, in a different era, might have been Mary Gaitskill. But she is not. Her writing is really not that complicated.
What Men Talk About When They Talk About Mary Gaitskill - The Rumpus.net
Gaitskill's stories are not galvanizing, do not claim to be feminist, do not have happy endings, and are about the ambiguities of sex, violence, and power in a world where there is an imbalance of power between the genders.
EL James is S&M tied up pretty in a bow made of Big Mac wrappers, and mass-marketed as "romance". Also, the various Shades of Grey have happy endings, and the female protagonist seems to enjoy the violence. Gaitskill, in contrast, does not write about women enjoying anything... and if they do, it's ambiguous. She has more in common with Dada than Mills and Boons.
EL James writes novels that, if it were with a different publisher, would feature Fabio on the cover. If you're interested in romance, you could go full Barbara Cartland and just... go for it. Or be old school and read Jane Austen. If you are interested in violence, power, and sex, and you don't mind reading something depressing: "Bad Behavior" by Mary Gaitskill... or (a bit less depressing) "Promiscuities" by Naomi Wolf.
The "50 Shades" films were really the most boring I had ever watched on TV. I don't think I finished watching them, don't remember the plots, felt sorry for the actors, the director, all of them. Why is it in the past few years the blockbuster books have been about vampires and their female victims (Twilight), S&M (50 Shades...), or some mousy female who has to choose between two equally unstable, damaged males (The Hunger Games). And all these books are written by women. And they ALL have happy endings -- as if these things are "happy". I don't get it.
I'm old, I'm going outside to shout at clouds now.
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I never understood why this book was a big deal, maybe because I'm older and remember "The Story of O" being passed from housewife to housewife in the 'burb I lived in. The comment the neighbor made to my Mom when she handed her the book was that it was trash and she didn't understand why everyone was wild over it.
Creepy, creepy, creepy. It's mind-boggling how our culture will vilify anyone who would actually do things like this, and make a millionaire out of someone who writes about it as a "romance." Hypocrites, all.
What clarified the issue for me was a mental health professional commenting that woman ought to be mindful of rape fantasies, or fantasizing about the loss of control. She said it isn't healthy to pretend you don't have control over your sex life. The mind reels when I think of younger, impressionable women thinking this is an acceptable alternative lifestyle.
Creepy, creepy, creepy. It's mind-boggling how our culture will vilify anyone who would actually do things like this, and make a millionaire out of someone who writes about it as a "romance." Hypocrites, all.
What clarified the issue for me was a mental health professional commenting that woman ought to be mindful of rape fantasies, or fantasizing about the loss of control. She said it isn't healthy to pretend you don't have control over your sex life. The mind reels when I think of younger, impressionable women thinking this is an acceptable alternative lifestyle.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Yeah, I remembered the "Story of O" too. That book was creepy as anything... . "50 Shades" makes it seem like violence is supposed to be "sexy". I don't get it, I really don't. Great... now I feel like I need to clean something. Ick.
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I was actually trying to explain this to my daughter. I read the first book and found it disturbing. It sickened me to think of being punished as foreplay. The only thing I can figure out that so many women love the story is because -he is damaged but he can change for her- which is such an immature and toxic message for women of any age. Needless to say this franchise will not be getting any of my money but I am grateful to have had an opportunity to discuss these issues with my daughter, and yes I feel like I need to go shower just thinking about it - uuuggghhh
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Interesting post on the 50 Shades books...
While i have not personally read the books, if you actually talk to people in the alternative lifestyle community (i.e. BDSM), most will say they do not like the books as it presents a poor image of truly what the lifestyle is about. True there are people who use BDSM as a cover to abuse... but please do not assume the books represent the reality of the lifestyle....
While i have not personally read the books, if you actually talk to people in the alternative lifestyle community (i.e. BDSM), most will say they do not like the books as it presents a poor image of truly what the lifestyle is about. True there are people who use BDSM as a cover to abuse... but please do not assume the books represent the reality of the lifestyle....
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I think the 50 shades phenom is pretty dopey.
I didn’t care for the Twilight series either.
And I am a vampire lore fan!
I have read everything, from Bram Stoker’s classic tale, every book Chelsea Quinn
Yarbro has written about her ancient vampire, Count Saint Germain (they are really good as they are set in different parts of the world and eras. Great historical fiction) up to Stephen King’s Salem’s Lot.
But the Twilight series was just, ya know, pretty people with long teeth.
Same with Fifty Shades.
Pretty people doing some naughty stuff.
I didn’t care for the Twilight series either.
And I am a vampire lore fan!
I have read everything, from Bram Stoker’s classic tale, every book Chelsea Quinn
Yarbro has written about her ancient vampire, Count Saint Germain (they are really good as they are set in different parts of the world and eras. Great historical fiction) up to Stephen King’s Salem’s Lot.
But the Twilight series was just, ya know, pretty people with long teeth.
Same with Fifty Shades.
Pretty people doing some naughty stuff.
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Posts: 8,617
Originally Posted by Spence7471 
True there are people who use BDSM as a cover to abuse... but please do not assume the books represent the reality of the lifestyle....
As for assuming the books represent that lifestyle, i'm sure there are many naive people who might.
Most of us thinking people realize it's a work of fiction and all that implies, not a documentary.
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Originally Posted by Spence7471
Interesting post on the 50 Shades books...
While i have not personally read the books, if you actually talk to people in the alternative lifestyle community (i.e. BDSM), most will say they do not like the books as it presents a poor image of truly what the lifestyle is about. True there are people who use BDSM as a cover to abuse... but please do not assume the books represent the reality of the lifestyle....
While i have not personally read the books, if you actually talk to people in the alternative lifestyle community (i.e. BDSM), most will say they do not like the books as it presents a poor image of truly what the lifestyle is about. True there are people who use BDSM as a cover to abuse... but please do not assume the books represent the reality of the lifestyle....
Anne Rice's racy stuff written under a pseudonym was far, far more intense & descriptive (not recommending it for the faint of heart here) but I can respect the brutal honesty in her writing which shows a truer image of what consensual relationships like this are like. It's a strange thing to consider but some people ARE so free that they can CHOOSE bondage.
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This was a great discussion on this topic:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ng-people.html (50 Shades of Grey - A Psychiatrist's Letter to Young People)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ng-people.html (50 Shades of Grey - A Psychiatrist's Letter to Young People)
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The books are atrocious. I tried to read the first one when it came out and I couldn't get past the first few pages of the very dopey and school girl writing. The movies are just as bad (or the first few minutes I've seen of the first one). There is a fine line between abuse and consensual healthy sex between two people. If you do like these stories however, I highly recommend Diary of a Submissive.
The thing with BDSM is that it is a lot of role play. With FSOG, I do see genuine abuse and controlling behavior that is glamorized. Jealousy, obsession, etc. Scary stuff. But in BDSM so long as two partners agree and enjoy the experience and can step out of the role when it isn't working for another, I think can be fun. The problem with FSOG also is that the behaviors aren't just role playing in the bedroom stuff, the guy is a grade A stalker creep .Only because he's rich and good looking does it make it "ok".
The thing with BDSM is that it is a lot of role play. With FSOG, I do see genuine abuse and controlling behavior that is glamorized. Jealousy, obsession, etc. Scary stuff. But in BDSM so long as two partners agree and enjoy the experience and can step out of the role when it isn't working for another, I think can be fun. The problem with FSOG also is that the behaviors aren't just role playing in the bedroom stuff, the guy is a grade A stalker creep .Only because he's rich and good looking does it make it "ok".
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Originally Posted by FireSprite
I really wish these books were never published. They are HORRIBLE all around - the characters are severely flawed, the plot is a continuous circle of bad writing & it in no way represents anything resembling reality for people who connect with this type of lifestyle. There is nothing genuine about them in any way & they created a lot of controversy for no good reason.
Anne Rice's racy stuff written under a pseudonym was far, far more intense & descriptive (not recommending it for the faint of heart here) but I can respect the brutal honesty in her writing which shows a truer image of what consensual relationships like this are like. It's a strange thing to consider but some people ARE so free that they can CHOOSE bondage.
Anne Rice's racy stuff written under a pseudonym was far, far more intense & descriptive (not recommending it for the faint of heart here) but I can respect the brutal honesty in her writing which shows a truer image of what consensual relationships like this are like. It's a strange thing to consider but some people ARE so free that they can CHOOSE bondage.
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Peeps... this seems like a good thread to revive today... yet let's..... maybe .....keep it focused more on the psychology of the series? The older thread is here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ng-people.html (50 Shades of Grey - A Psychiatrist's Letter to Young People). Not for young people, please.
Our forum moderators have been reminding us to keep things as "general audience" as possible. Please be aware of this when posting here.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ng-people.html (50 Shades of Grey - A Psychiatrist's Letter to Young People). Not for young people, please.
Our forum moderators have been reminding us to keep things as "general audience" as possible. Please be aware of this when posting here.
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Originally Posted by Maudcat
I think the 50 shades phenom is pretty dopey.
I didn’t care for the Twilight series either.
And I am a vampire lore fan!
I have read everything, from Bram Stoker’s classic tale, every book Chelsea Quinn
Yarbro has written about her ancient vampire, Count Saint Germain (they are really good as they are set in different parts of the world and eras. Great historical fiction) up to Stephen King’s Salem’s Lot.
But the Twilight series was just, ya know, pretty people with long teeth.
Same with Fifty Shades.
Pretty people doing some naughty stuff.
I didn’t care for the Twilight series either.
And I am a vampire lore fan!
I have read everything, from Bram Stoker’s classic tale, every book Chelsea Quinn
Yarbro has written about her ancient vampire, Count Saint Germain (they are really good as they are set in different parts of the world and eras. Great historical fiction) up to Stephen King’s Salem’s Lot.
But the Twilight series was just, ya know, pretty people with long teeth.
Same with Fifty Shades.
Pretty people doing some naughty stuff.
If you ever need a good laugh, go to Amazon and read the one star reviews for the first book. I damn near hurt myself.
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Originally Posted by Mango blast
A big part of my recovery from abusive relationships was first hearing about abusive behaviors. Abusers would like all types of abuse to be "normalized" in their targets' minds.
This thread was started to enable my own recovery from great psychological, emotional and verbal abuse.
It is MY empowerment of having a voice, letting it be heard. Letting go of shame, blame and being a silent victim.
I used to have very strong physical reactions from using my voice... from speaking out about abuse. This is therapy for me. To speak up when I feel a deep call from within me that absolutely refuses to any longer be quieted.
This is not a gentle subject.
Abuse of any kind never is.
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Anvilhead,
If the mods feel this thread should be closed... or any others I've posted in... I have no problem with that. From what I understood, it was some of the posts on the original 50 shades thread that were the problem rather than the topic itself. My apologies for any misunderstandings.
Is there a limit for posting, replying, bringing up old threads that I'm finding useful? Seriously.
Mango
If the mods feel this thread should be closed... or any others I've posted in... I have no problem with that. From what I understood, it was some of the posts on the original 50 shades thread that were the problem rather than the topic itself. My apologies for any misunderstandings.
Is there a limit for posting, replying, bringing up old threads that I'm finding useful? Seriously.
Mango
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On a playful note...
Anvilhead, thanks for stepping up, stepping out and challenging to use my voice some more, my friend.
" You've gotta help me, I'm losing my mind
Keep getting the feeling you want to leave this all behind
Thought we were going strong
I thought we were holding on
Aren't we?
No, they don't teach you this in school
Now my heart's breaking and I don't know what to do
Thought we were going strong
Thought we were holding on
Aren't we?
You and me got a whole lot of history
We could be the greatest thing that the world has ever seen
You and me got a whole lot of history "
Have a good day. Perhaps I'll try to not post any more today. But no promises!
If we all start going back to other pages to read and pull things up, could that perhaps have opportunities for fun, growth and new explorations?
Anvilhead, thanks for stepping up, stepping out and challenging to use my voice some more, my friend.
" You've gotta help me, I'm losing my mind
Keep getting the feeling you want to leave this all behind
Thought we were going strong
I thought we were holding on
Aren't we?
No, they don't teach you this in school
Now my heart's breaking and I don't know what to do
Thought we were going strong
Thought we were holding on
Aren't we?
You and me got a whole lot of history
We could be the greatest thing that the world has ever seen
You and me got a whole lot of history "
Have a good day. Perhaps I'll try to not post any more today. But no promises!
If we all start going back to other pages to read and pull things up, could that perhaps have opportunities for fun, growth and new explorations?
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