Stew1984

Hey everyone,

I’m just checking in to say farewell. Unfortunately I’m for whatever reason still struggling and continuing to drink. I really don’t know why I do it, I just know I do.

I know it’s an issue, I’ve got a thing about posting here and it feels too much like I’m letting people down

Better to try and sort this myself. Hopefully I can get to a point where I’m happy and content. I just know booze is not going to get me to that point.

I’m really sad tonight, I’m sad I’ve lost my house and back at my parents and someone I’m looking after at work is on end of life care so that is getting to me.

I’m not wallowing or blaming anyone. But best to battle this and then come back to help others than continue the way I am

I’ve done it before, I can do it again

Thanks guys

Obladi

Stew,

Don't leave. I also can't seem to stop and I understand the feeling of not wanting to keep posting because it's so.... exhausting? humiliating? I don't know the right word right now. Maybe it's futile.

But I'm hanging around here (in the Alcoholism forum because it seems appropriate). I figure it's better to keep trying than to stop fighting my way out of this paper bag.

Come hang out with me if you don't feel like you belong anywhere else. But know that you belong and everyone here is pulling for your success.

O

Dee74

Noone lets anyone down here. If I can't stand people struggling, thats on me and I'll go to a music forum or something.

I think you're better off here at SR than not being as SR, because without, the temptation then might be to fall in a heap and let your addition run riot.

I tried to stop for 15 years.

I tried to stop without changing anything in my life, then I tried to stop by changing a little bit, then I tried by changing a little more...in the end I got to a near death point where I agreed to changing everything - the stakes were high.

Intent is good..but without the necessary action behind it is a long struggle to change.

I'm not saying anyone's not ready or not 'there yet'. I don't want anyone else to face that very real life or death choice I did

That was just my journey.

My hope here is always that I can in someway help others make their journeys to recovery shorter.

I am saying that with SRs help you could commit be sober today and stay that way, with the requisite amount on action on your part.

D

Verdantia

People here really do care about you, Stew--you are not letting us down. I couldn't get sober without help; I pray that you can. You are correct that booze will not make you happy or content; it leads only to pain and disaster.
I wish you would stick around; perhaps something you post will be of help to someone, even if you aren't sober. You never know. I don't think I could've gotten and stayed sober without all of the support, help and love here at SR. Wishing you all the best on your journey.

duane1

Stew,
Don’t leave! We all have struggled. Many of us are still struggling. Don’t let your AV convince you that this is the best option. I think it takes great courage to come here and post your struggles. I kept my struggles to myself for so many years and they only started to turn around when I felt like I had a connection.
Hope you stick around or at least continue to come to this site even if you aren’t posting.

NerfThis

I hope you decide to stay. I only joined today after lurking during intense guilt from alcohol benders and I already feel like I've made a massive step even though all I was offering was my own depressing story. I know you feel you're letting yourself down, but you are NOT letting other people down. All other people want to do is help you to fight the battle you're having and if you currently feel you're losing the battle, they'll continue to support you in the hopes you'll one day win. They can't help you if you leave, so please reconsider!

Anna

Stewy, this is the place to be when you're struggling.

Rar

Please stay Stew. We care about you. Don't leave.

Hevyn

I don't want you to leave either, Stewy. We're your friends. We aren't giving up on you.

SoberLeigh

Please don't leave, Stewy.

We all know how hard this is. We understand.

We all need one another here.

I hope that you stay.

wildflower70

Hi Stewy,

I posted a similar thread near the end of December, I felt that because I had failed so many times I should just leave, find someone else to "bother". It was just the shame talking. I had been on and off the roller coaster so many times, and was certain everyone was sick of me.

I was sick of me.

Stick around, you don't have to be perfect, just hang on, for now.

Ken0331

C'mon now, how will leaving help? You know you can't do this by yourself; if you could have, you would have.

This was a bitter pill for me to swallow when I went off to rehab, that my strong will wasn't enough to get me sober, no matter how many times I'd tried and failed in the past.


You're not letting anyone down, except maybe yourself. But we all know the struggle, b/c we've been there, too.

Dee74

It's been what 3 or 4 days Stewy.?

You need to accept this is a marathon not a sprint...it's not going to be easy and its not going to fix itself in a week.

You're in deep Stewy - you have a couple of years of serious drinking behind you - this might just be the hardest thing you ever do...

but it's worth trying - & not just trying for a couple of days and then giving up, but a serious sustained life changing effort.

You can put it off - but the more drinking you do, the more entrenched the addiction becomes and the more effort - and change - it's going to take.

This is why so many of us recommended rehab - not to tick you off or frighten you but because this is really hard, man.

D

Delilah1

Hi Stewey,

I hope you will decide to come back and post, and work on your sobriety. I am glad you had your parents house to go to. I hope to see a post from you tomorrow. There is a reason you keep finding yourself back here, you want to be sober.

DontRemember

So, your new 'plan' is to retreat from here, again, and go "battle this thing on your own,then come back and help others.".. Is that what you think you are going to do? Seems like a ridiculous pipe dream. You're upset because you lost your house,due to drinking and your solution to that problem is to continue to drink without doing/trying anything to get and stay sober. Interesting plan,stewey. I think it's time to grow up and get to work,but yours is not my road to travel. You've been given multiple choices of a solid sobriety plan(s) and you ignore them because it's too much work. Do you even want to get sober?

Ladysadie

Please reconsider! It sounds like you are overwhelmed with life right now. I understand how that might feel, most of us on here have had to deal with precarious situations beyond our control (or within our control but we maybe "blew it"?) Be good to yourself, which includes checking back from time to time. This site has helped me, I don't post much but I read and feel less crazy knowing it sometimes takes everything within me to pass a liquor store and not buy. You will be missed, you have no idea how your sharing your humanness helps others who may be a thread away from throwing in the towel. The hard work is so worth the prize of sobriety. Not only that, but you get to wake up every morning with more clarity. Feel your feelings, don't let them overwhelm you! Peace Dude!

CreativeThinker

Ya know Stewy, you could be helping a lot of people on SR. You have been sober in the past, you know how to do it and you have the knowledge so many here seek. I'm sorry to learn about your situation, that sucks! But...there will always be struggles in life...you know that and you know the next sentence that follows ..."it's how we deal with life's struggles". It's still early in 2018, why not make THIS YEAR the year that you turn things around for yourself. JFDI Stewy!

Hugs,
CT