ptarmigan

I'm really all over the place. If I'm not working now what I'm doing, just lying around, looking around on the computer, watching crap TV and of course drinking. My life is down the drain. Hopefully, yes there's always the hopefully.
We always have this idea that really, if we really wanted it we could do it. You know, if I made an effort then I'd get there and quit. Like it's all in my power to stop drinking - if I really wanted to. I think that I'm powerless.
I get a good run going and then something from above commands me. I do really want to stop but that's a different level to the ******** who overrules me.
I lie here on a sofa that bears my imprint. Years are going by. I'm drinking at the moment, I know it's a stupid, unhealthy, time wasting occupation - I'm guessing we all do. So I'm not expecting miracles.
There's worse things in the world than me drinking all the time. Even so, I used to think I have to get out of this. Now I just seem to accept it.
Best of luck to everyone. I think I know what you're going through.
Anyway, hello.

ScottFromWI

Welcome ptarmigan. The idea you outline above actually is true. You'll find examples of many who have done just that - made the commitment to quit and did it. You'll also find the understanding and support of those who are either currently struggling or already quit.

The idea that it's somehow "destiny" for you to keep drinking or that something above you "makes" you drink is BS. We've all heard it before from our AV/addiction, especially while we were drinking.

You are not powerless to make choices in your life - and the decision to quit and stay quit is a choice. I hope you can stick around and make the decision to pitch the bottle for good.

ptarmigan

Thank you Scott, it's just I've tried so many times. But there's always something that seems to drive me back to drink when I'm so sober and happy. Honestly it's like something else controls me.
Anyway, I won't give up giving up.

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear it. Have you ever joined a local recovery group by chance? Having in-person support can be very helpful too. Our addiction does seem like it can "control" us at times, but we can learn to take that control back where it belongs.

ptarmigan

I kind of think that no one can help me. It's okay. I just think that nothing from outside is going to change my sick mind. I don't really expect much. I've been sober many times. Still I'm called back to the drink.
I don't know why I'm here to be truthful, because I know that it's all down to me and that no one can help me. And why should they? They've got their own problems.
I think I'd better come back tomorrow.

16YearsDrunk

I'm no stranger to stopping and starting. I too thought I couldn't do it. Last year I tried to quit around 8 times. And if I wasn't trying to quit I was feeling bad about drinking.

One day I had enough. It was now or never. I got tiered of the lame me making excuses for my waste of a life. I got sick of dragging the ball and chain. At some point the real health problems would have creeped up on me and by that time it would be too late. I feared that.

I chose to do this at a time when most wouldn't be able to. Just to show myself and others that I can do. I lost a very dear family member 3 weeks ago. My drinking got very bad until I had to change it.

I'm just sharing this with you to let you know that the way you feel is how most people feel. You've made the first step coming here and expressing your problems with alcohol. You recognise it's an issue.

Now you need to take the leap of faith and work on a plan to quit. Trust me, this is hard. Nobody said it would be easy. But it's worth it.

You may need help, so I advise you speak with your doctor at the earliest opportunity and make sure it's safe for you to quit. Some people (like my uncle atm) have to reduce their intake gradually. Some require detox. Others AA. You have to find what works best and go with that.

The road is long, but the end result is life.

16YearsDrunk

The only person that can help is yourself Everyone can advise, but there's no magic words to make you quit. That has to come from deep inside you. How much do you want this? Are you ready to quit?

Nonsensical

The only person who can is in your mirror. If he doesn't want to make the effort to stop, then no one on Earth can help him. If he is willing to do whatever it takes to stop, then no one on Earth can stop him.

There's no magical force driving you to drink. You choose to pick it up and pour it in your face. If you want to stop, make a different choice.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

FitNonDrinker

We all have so much in common. For those of us yet to quit for good, we are either eagerly trying or feeling like a failure with a hangover. The shame and guilt has made me determined as ever. I'm sick of waking up feeling like crap, it's like a sick groundhog day.

I'm going to my SECOND AA meeting tonight. The first one I was too scared to say anything, but tonight I will. So I'm playing in my head "what should I say?" It's a lot like what you wrote..... I don't know WHY I keep doing this to myself? Why can't I just stop? Im tired of feeling ashamed and sick.

I'm hoping to get some insight from others. That's what we do here. I read so many AH-HA things and they really resonate. I think an AA meeting is a good place to start. Not fun, but necessary.

Really hoping you stay around and find a reason to want to be done with all this. People here have been where you are now. .

ptarmigan

Yeah I know no one can help me. Of course not. Honestly, to rely on others would be pointless.
It's a kind of silly post I made really. Of course no one else can help me, but I'm not sure that I can help me either. And if that's true, then what am I doing here? Even so, hopefully I can show a bit of strength and ditch the drink. I'm pretty lost but I accept it. You might tell me to get lost if I don't think there's any hope. But, I'll still linger on.
I reckon I need a head transplant.

Anna

I know how defeated I felt at the end of my drinking days, having tried and failed countless times. But, believe me, the voice in your head, the AV, does not control you. There is no destiny of failure attached to your life. You are the person who can stop drinking and stay sober.

One thing I would say in regard to you going back to drinking - stopping drinking is step 1. After that, it will take soul-searching, dealing with underlying issues that are pushing you back to drinking. That's the hard part. But, you can do it and be successful.

entropy1964

So, actually, others can help you. They can't do it for you, but they can help. You have to be willing to accept help however and willing to follow direction.

You've posted on a forum that is designed to allow addicts to help one another in recovery. You know that, which means, on some level you want help.

But do you want to stop drinking? That is the first step and until you do your thinking will continue to be full of self pity and fatalism. Neither are conducive to stopping...both are conducive to drinking.

You could call your dr and discuss medical detox. You could go to an AA meeting and find others to communicate with. You could go to the ER. You have options. But you do have to choose to accept them.

I'm guessing most of us have been right where you are. You can do this.

ptarmigan

I feel embarrassed now looking up and seeing a post I'd written saying, "no one can help me,"
I wasn't really thinking when I wrote it. I just meant that it's down to me that's all. Honestly, I don't need your help. I'm really not like that I' m not that weak. Saying no one can help me is just a statement of fact, it's certainly not a wish. I know that I'm in charge. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Anyway, best wishes all.

doggonecarl

Tried what? And I mean specifically? Detox and rehab? AA? Rational Recovery? Substance abuse counseling?

Or has your recovery consisted of the decision to quit and nothing else?

ptarmigan

Yes, I've decided to quit and it's got to be now.

Caralara144

only you can help you no one else can step into your shoes
My decision to quit Alcohol was mine and mine alone ...we can all support each other
I wish you strength and pray you get it
Caralara ❤️

doggonecarl

Then do whatever it takes to support that decision to quit...

...and stop repeating what hasn't worked.

Nonsensical

There's nothing wrong with your head. In fact, your head is the most powerful ptarmigan-fixing tool ever created. You just need to learn how to use it to change your course.

Evolving is difficult and messy. There will be discomfort.
Roll up your sleeves and get after it.

You can do this.

Stronger2017

Great! There’s no better time. Keep posting🙂

Dee74

You;d be surprised how much others can help. Why should we? because we care. An alien concept maybe nowadays but it's still around

It's true that the buck stops with you - you have to do the work...but you don;t have to do it alone.

This is a marathon more than a sprint - you need to think long term and you need to keep going if you stumble.

I committed to change...I used this community to help me effect that change.

My mind was sick too...but I stopped poisoning it, and things got better.

D