16YearsDrunk

I nearly slipped up today. I ended up having a major anger outburst in public. I am so ashamed of myself. This has never happened before, except when I've been drunk ... but I was entirely sober.

I'm on day 3 right now. This is what happened:

I was eating in a cafe with my partner. We was discussing something and we got into a little debate. That debate turning into me shouting, then she shouted. She left the shop embarrassed and I remained to calm down and apologies.

I went to meet her and she was still angry with me and started shouting, so then I got angry because she was angry and we was shouting at other. We are not normally like this. Just to add there is no violence, and has never been any violence, in our relationship. We're generally chill people. But, I upset her with the way I spoke to her ... I upset myself tbh.

Some guy walked up to me and said "stop your shouting mate". Got in my face. Didn't know the guy. I felt threatened and was so close to hitting him but I pulled back and left it.

This is completely out of character for me. I am shocked at my own actions because I just lost my cool so easily and felt aggressive towards that guy.

Wtf?!

I walked off and for 2 minutes I was looking for a pub before I calmed down and realised that would be a stupid idea. I decided it was time to go home.

Please tell me this anger will go away?! I'm not sure this is normal because if I ever seen someone act like I did I'd think they were a lunatic.

I have no physical symptoms of withdrawal but I definitely have a lot of mental issues going on. Got my stepdads funeral tomorrow too I have no idea how I am going to get through that without drinking. After the funeral everyone is going to the wake where the bar has been paid for

I dont even want to go to the wake because I don't want that temptation. But it's my stepdad, and my mom needs me there so I have to go.

16YearsDrunk

I feel like beer would be the right choice now and I should go and get medical help for this. I just had another anger outburst. A second one! After I typed this. I can't do this. I can't deal with this. I just threw my phone up the wall now. Smashed an iPhone 7 in rage.

wildflower70

Hello 16,

I have felt that way before, sudden anger with uncontrolled emotions and feelings, and I am also a pretty chill gal. I think our minds have been through the wringer with all of the booze and the ups and downs of active alcoholism. Sometimes my mind would go wild with thoughts that didn't make any rational sense, I'm assuming my mind is readjusting without the stimulant.

I have felt "forced" to go to a function where booze would be served, and yes, the temptation was high. I would get myself a ginger-ale with a slice of lime right away, so I didn't get any questions about why I'm not drinking. The feeling of having a cold drink in my hand while I was talking with others seemed to alleviate the desire for a 'real" drink.

Hope this helps....best wishes

Dustitoffman

Hey buddy

Drink is not the answer it is undoubtedly that cause of this issue be you are experiencing.

I experience anger and rage whilst walking the path of sobriety. And I put it down to chemical changes.
You your mind and your body will have to work towards a new calm state without the poison of addiction messing with you.

I would suggest a visit to the doctor, be open and explain where you are right know and where you want to be in 6 months time.
See how he can help.

Make peace the the Mrs!

16YearsDrunk

Good idea about the ginger ale. I love the stuff! I'm actually going to do that "A pint of non alcoholic ginger ale please".

16YearsDrunk

My second post was the anger talking I shall not drink. But I agree I have made an appointment with my doctor for next week as I may need something to take the edge off. I feel like some of the anger is a result of anxiety because both times I had anxiety before the anger.

tekink

I tend to be very calm also but early sobriety I was an emotional mess and I had an extremely short fuse.

At first it would catch me off guard, after a few times I learned to tell myself to step back when I'd get aggravated and I'd just keep reminding myself my brain isn't working like normal due to drying out.

All these head trips make me realize the damage I was doing to myself.

16YearsDrunk

Totally agree. It's took me off guard both times today It's comforting to know this is a normal result of withdrawal.

When I'm calm, like now, and I look back I feel deep shame and embarrassment. But you're right ... this is the damage I did to myself and it's even more reason to stay off the alcohol.

sobersolstice

Pent up energy and frustration comes out for me sometimes when I'm sober for a week to a month. I feel like exercise, if even just to get fresh air helps those moments.

joandmelandhan

Oh yes 16 absolutely! I was a volatile, prone to erupt volcano of emotions for quite a while. My poor little brain was healing and I simply couldn't cope with life's ups and downs.
I do think this is where a programme of recovery is designed to help us. I'm a single mum so time is an issue and I've had to find my own way. I'm getting there and life is wonderful again!

Nonsensical

When I quit drinking I was horrified to discover the world was populated with idiots who needed a smack in the mouth. Two months later I was overjoyed to see how much they had learned.



Hang in there! Buy that lady some flowers and tell her you're sorry for being an ass.

MyLittleHorsie

You have a lot going on. Drinking will not help any of it. I was a bit snappy at first, it calmed down rather quickly.

I think there's the funeral, quitting drinking, anxiety - if you can get to a doctor sooner, it would be better.

I know what you are going through, I got one in-law dying, any hour now and another who is very sick - why they haven't removed the life support from the one, trying to get the other well enough to say goodbye. There will be some drinking after the funeral, but I swear to goodness, anyone gets too drunk and my husband will throw them out personally. I really don't get drinking and funerals personally. It is hard, but you have to get through it and get through it sober.

Boxer1

[QUOTE=Nonsensical;6777502]When I quit drinking I was horrified to discover the world was populated with idiots who needed a smack in the mouth. Two months later I was overjoyed to see how much they had learned.

Lol!!! This is great

2ndhandrose

Yes, I turned into a rager for the first while in recovery. It was disturbing for me and I started making myself do the count to 10 thing, take a deep breath, and what worked best, leave the room.

Yay, the further into recovery I went, the less I experienced the rage.

Dee74

A lot of us have inner rage and frayed nerves when we quit. It happens so much across the board I think it must be some thing to do with our bodies healing...that and we've forgot how to temper our emotional responses without drink.

I tried to damp down any and every emotion for 20 years.

When I stopped drinking it was like the emotional dam broke and the flood waters raged...my moods were swinging wildly for a while.

But I learned to deal with it.
I relearned that tempering skill and I relearned perspective.

As corny as it sounds a gratitude list helped me remembered all the things I should be thankful for. Much better to focus on those for a while

D

ps this is a great example of the AV in all its dubious glory
sorry about the phone but I'm really glad you got through

teatreeoil007

I don't have angry outbursts often...I'm pretty mellow and very patient. But sometimes I have been "pushed" to the brink and I become angry. I use breathing techniques and minnie time outs for myself. Exercise is a really good outlet for anger too. Anyways...life is full of frustrations....speaking for myself the greatest cause of anger is frustration; sheer bad frustration. Hang in there. It's good you came here and posted. Keep doing that.

teatreeoil007

Nonsensical, you always seem to nail it!! Awesome.

Hevyn

Hi 16. I'm the most mild mannered person imaginable. My first week of sobriety I was not fit to be around anyone. My emotions were on edge - I was combative & argumentative. Everything settled down as I adjusted to the new me. You are ok.

16YearsDrunk

This is why I truly love this forum. I feel happy knowing that other people have been through this. I'm feeling much better today and still not drank. I have a funeral to go to today and I have promised myself, and my wife, that I will not be drinking anything.

I am looking forward to coming home and making my post: "I did it! I didn't drink at the funeral".

I have never not been drunk at a funeral so this one is going to be a big step that I want to overcome.

Eaglelizard

Hi 16yrs, I can identify with the phone-smashing rage but, unlike others on this thread, I didn't find it subsided all that quickly (meaning it was still intense after several months of sober living). Still, one has to try to deal with these things, so I have literally reduced the number of throwable objects in my office, for example, as you really never know what you will do when you see red. This actually got easier over time as I broke most of the throwable, breakable things in my personal space. The "count to ten" thing doesn't work for me either--without a complete reset, the rage is still there, waiting for a trigger, which is what sounds like happened to you the other day. I literally unplug myself from what I am doing, go outside, get away from any other people (important) sit in the sunshine or whatever, and just try to blank things out and think about how I have freedom to determine my own mood and mindset, no one or no circumstance can control how we choose to react to them/it. Or, I go do some hill-sprints or something really strenuous. This takes a while, but probably wastes about as much productivity as would be wasted sitting around stewing in rage residue. And iPhones are a**holes anyway...