Sephgato

For the last 10 years I have hated alchoholism. I have tried to quit. It is hard and I am convinced you can't do this without help. I quit for a bit but came right back. I love my wife but feel I must consider separation to fix myself. Why is this so hard to escape

VikingGF

Good for you for trying again, Sephgato. Don't be frustrated that your initial attempts have been difficult- it can take a few tries until it really registers that the best time to quit is NOW.

That being said, you have had a glimmer of the freedom, as you stated in one of your previous posts, wouldn't it be great to have that all the time?

There is plenty of help available, here, in your community, maybe a sober friend who has been through the journey- AA, SR, Smart- it's all about what works for you. You are not alone.

We are all here with you.

You can give up the drink and improve your life to a level you really can't even see right now- just make the choice.

Sephgato

I hate the idea of giving up my marriage but I know that alchoholism is tied to it

doggonecarl

In what way? Is your wife an alcoholic too?

Anna

It's an addiction, which is why it's so hard to escape. But, you can do it.

I assume you feel you can't be sober in your marriage?

Sephgato

I gave up alchoholism and have found that my wife's endulgence is beyond undermining to my sobriety. I don't think she has an issue as much as I can't be around it

Dee74

I'm not sure I have your meaning Sephgato - do you feel your wife is undermining your attempts to be sober?

D

hellrzr

I get what you mean but you don't give up Alcoholism. You give up the alcohol or other substances that you abused to help you deal with life but you will always be an Alcoholic.

Unless your wife is also an Alcoholic, or just really doesn't like you, than she should have no problem abstaining, for the most part, from alcohol to be supportive of you. Not to say she should never drink but if it's an issue for you than it would be good of her to be supportive and not drink around you if it's that much of an issue.

On the flip side the only thing you have control of are your own actions. It's up to you to remove yourself from situations that cause you pain. If your wife does have issues than it might help you to attend an Al-Anon meeting to get some help with the situation.

bradly22

It is a tricky trap, my friend. Time is really the best solution. When one quits drinking, it may feel strange or downright odd to not be spending time with the bottle. After about 2-3 weeks, this feeling goes away as other hobbies and positive activities have replaced it. Whatever works.

I'm proud to say that I'm an ex-alcoholic now.

Berrybean

I remember thinking the same about my partner, but when I went to AA it was suggested to me that I don't make any drastic changes in the first year of sobriety. I was told to focus on my own side of the street, not his.

Now, almost 4 years down the line we have a better relationship than ever, and he's recently cut his drinking right down as well (took a while admittedly).

During that time I needed to learn acceptance, and me being able to get to AA meetings and be with other like-minded folk in recovery has probably saved his skin a few times and meant that we've avoided some horrible rows. In the first months of sobriety i found him pretty unbearable, but then I was restless, irritable and discontent - the natural state of a dry alcoholic who is yet to develop the tools of recovery that they need for sobriety to be bearable, comfortable and some day preferable to drinking. Sure, I couldn't bear to be with him at that point, but I couldn't bear to be with myself either.

Anyway. I don't know you or your wife, or what it is that she's doing to 'make' you drink. But i would urge you not to chuck the baby out with the bathwater while early sobriety and the rattleyness and emotional rawness that it brings may be putting a bleak slant on things. I could cataspropihise pretty much any situation in those first month (still can when I don't work my recovery plan properly).

Do yoh have a recovery plan? If not, it's worth getting one in place and trying to work that for a while, whether you decide to leave your wife or not.

BB

Nonsensical

The alcoholic living in my head kept telling me my problem was on the other pillow.

Just another lie I believed that nearly ruined my life.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

tomsteve

is it your wifes drinking undermining to your sobriety or you thats undermining your sobriety?
is your wife pouring alcohol down your throat?
wife or no wife,you will still get cravings and/or have the mental obsession after stopping- you will still have temptation. you will still have to fight it and have work to do on changing you.

maybe rehab is a viable option?

have you talked to your wife about it all?

Gottalife

I heard an interesting story one time. A counsellor actually told this guy that his wife was causing his drinking and he needed to get rid of her. This he did with alacrity, but he kept drinking. It is not the external stuff that makes us alcoholics. It is an illness I have that will be there wife, or no wife, and I needed to get help with that and change my ideas. I did not and could not change anyone else, and even if I could, it would not have solved my problem.

Many an alcoholic has tried to create sobriety by changing everything around them. It never works, because the problem is our internal world, not our external life.

4thegirls

I'm not even sober yet. I am on my 13th day one this month. So all I want to do is say that yeah it does suck. I have so many positives in my life yet I seem determined to kill all of them and eventually myself because I just can't stop. The people on this forum are really wise and great. I'm going to listen to them and do what they say until I kick this. And then I'll stay here to keep sober and help others. Good luck. I'm praying for you.

Zebra1275

I am convinced you can't do this without help.

In my case, this was true. Unfortunately, it took me a long time to get the courage to reach out.

Nonsensical

The alcoholic living in my head told this exact same lie for 25 years.
You secretly want to destroy yourself.
You don't want a happy life.
You want to ruin everything.
You don't deserve a family.
Deep down there is something wrong with your soul and you'll never be able to stop.
You are broken beyond repair.

Lies. All of it. Lies. Not a word of truth in it.

My big mistake was believing it. It kept me a slave to my addiction for decades.

You're not on this forum because you harbor a secret desire to wreck everything good in your life. You are here because you are desperate to learn how to stop doing this to yourself.
Step 1: Believe you can.
If you don't, you're the only person reading this who doesn't.

You can do this.