Can't let it go
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 45
Can't let it go
Dear all:
I recently miscarried at 5 weeks, a,man I love so much said he is not ready to have baby, so it's better to have an abortion. I had an appointment but I miscarried before it. The most shocking thing was that man I have been in 2 years back and forth, never asked since last phone call how I'm feeling what happened about my abortion. He is drunk half of the time since I met him, he used to say he is not in love me but only using me for sex, I thought that's not true, but sadly it's true he only contacts me when he is drunk or when he is ready to drink with his friend. He made me believe he wanted a baby but when it happened in reality he just said " we can't have baby, i cannot support or cannot let you come to my parents place since we both don't have steady income. So it's better to have an abortion since then he never asked or called. Only on f2f messaged as if nothing happened " I miss you, why you not cobracting, " I did not call or write him since u had miscarriage. I'm in shock how he is not ready to get life together after 2 years. If he really wanted he could have afforded it. But I guess he just doesn't want live with me. He lives with his parents but it's normal in my Asian culture you can stay at parents until you get married.
I can't let him go, I'm very attached, even I know the fact that he only contacts me when he is drunk or when he is ready to drink. I never drink, so I feel like his caretaker.
Maybe, I'm very addicted to sex to him, all I want is with him beyond the intimacy. When he does not drink he is very aloof doesn't contact me orf meet me. So, I always wish him to be drunk then he will contact me. I'm very addicted to him. It's just sad, now at the moment I'm not same country with him that's why last we talked about the abortion on the phone. I know when I go back my country I will be ready to forgive him and to be with him, it happened last year too, so I cannot let him go.
I recently miscarried at 5 weeks, a,man I love so much said he is not ready to have baby, so it's better to have an abortion. I had an appointment but I miscarried before it. The most shocking thing was that man I have been in 2 years back and forth, never asked since last phone call how I'm feeling what happened about my abortion. He is drunk half of the time since I met him, he used to say he is not in love me but only using me for sex, I thought that's not true, but sadly it's true he only contacts me when he is drunk or when he is ready to drink with his friend. He made me believe he wanted a baby but when it happened in reality he just said " we can't have baby, i cannot support or cannot let you come to my parents place since we both don't have steady income. So it's better to have an abortion since then he never asked or called. Only on f2f messaged as if nothing happened " I miss you, why you not cobracting, " I did not call or write him since u had miscarriage. I'm in shock how he is not ready to get life together after 2 years. If he really wanted he could have afforded it. But I guess he just doesn't want live with me. He lives with his parents but it's normal in my Asian culture you can stay at parents until you get married.
I can't let him go, I'm very attached, even I know the fact that he only contacts me when he is drunk or when he is ready to drink. I never drink, so I feel like his caretaker.
Maybe, I'm very addicted to sex to him, all I want is with him beyond the intimacy. When he does not drink he is very aloof doesn't contact me orf meet me. So, I always wish him to be drunk then he will contact me. I'm very addicted to him. It's just sad, now at the moment I'm not same country with him that's why last we talked about the abortion on the phone. I know when I go back my country I will be ready to forgive him and to be with him, it happened last year too, so I cannot let him go.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am so sorry for your loss.
He sounds like he is your addiction. I encourage you to do lots of reading, and keep posting. You are not alone. You definitely deserve more, I hope you get help and come to see that. Big hugs.
He sounds like he is your addiction. I encourage you to do lots of reading, and keep posting. You are not alone. You definitely deserve more, I hope you get help and come to see that. Big hugs.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
People can be a true addiction, and like many addictions, they are not always good for us. Have you thought of getting some therapy to help you see that you deserve more than what he is giving you, and build yourself up?? Also to help you grieve. Therapy was a truly important part of my own journey, and continues to play a big part in my and my children's lives.
I wish you all the best!
I wish you all the best!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by hopeful4 
People can be a true addiction, and like many addictions, they are not always good for us. Have you thought of getting some therapy to help you see that you deserve more than what he is giving you, and build yourself up?? Also to help you grieve. Therapy was a truly important part of my own journey, and continues to play a big part in my and my children's lives.
I wish you all the best!
I wish you all the best!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
it's likely you are very attached/addicted to the THOUGHT of him, not the real him. you WANT him to love you, you WANT him to want to be with you all the time, you WANT more than just sex with him. he doesn't GIVE you those things, but that just makes you WANT him more.
i am so very sorry for the miscarriage. i wish that you would seek some counseling to talk over the sad things that have happened, and your confused feelings towards this man. you are worthy of so much more!!!!
i am so very sorry for the miscarriage. i wish that you would seek some counseling to talk over the sad things that have happened, and your confused feelings towards this man. you are worthy of so much more!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
it's likely you are very attached/addicted to the THOUGHT of him, not the real him. you WANT him to love you, you WANT him to want to be with you all the time, you WANT more than just sex with him. he doesn't GIVE you those things, but that just makes you WANT him more.
i am so very sorry for the miscarriage. i wish that you would seek some counseling to talk over the sad things that have happened, and your confused feelings towards this man. you are worthy of so much more!!!!
i am so very sorry for the miscarriage. i wish that you would seek some counseling to talk over the sad things that have happened, and your confused feelings towards this man. you are worthy of so much more!!!!
Thanks for your kind thoughts. Sharing and advice on counselling. You are right, there is an idea, when I. First met December 2015, we were not always together but physically together since last June until this December, then I had to leave for another country. But these past 2 years he was always in my mind, I always desire him and writing him calling him, it's more than sex, if im very addicted to sex I just maybe have it with other people, but I don't, I only want it with him. Or just eat to be with him even without sex. I wish he loves me back. He likes to drink, so I enabled him to drink and paidalcohol money for him. When I was back home I stayed sometimes at his place with parents, parents love me and hoping us get married, but he seems not ready, so it's very difficult to think I will not be with him. I believe he is my twinflame.
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