Anxiety before therapy appts?
Anxiety before therapy appts?
Anyone else get this?
Maybe it's just because it's a new thing for me since it's only my 3rd therapy session, but I've noticed I'm anxious for the entire day leading up to the appt.
Why? I KNOW my story, lol. I'm not afraid of finding things on my side of the street that need to change, I'm not scared to dig deeply in to my FOO & I welcome assistance in keeping this process moving forward because I LIKE healing & feeling better about myself.
So why this anxious feeling all day?? It is killing my ability to focus on other things, ugh! Someone tell me this is temporary!
Maybe it's just because it's a new thing for me since it's only my 3rd therapy session, but I've noticed I'm anxious for the entire day leading up to the appt.
Why? I KNOW my story, lol. I'm not afraid of finding things on my side of the street that need to change, I'm not scared to dig deeply in to my FOO & I welcome assistance in keeping this process moving forward because I LIKE healing & feeling better about myself.
So why this anxious feeling all day?? It is killing my ability to focus on other things, ugh! Someone tell me this is temporary!
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Yes, it is temporary... IF you chose another focus.
What causes me stress... causes me stress.
It is COURAGEOUS to face things head-on... to have discussions about our truth, our hopes, our fears...
If you say it's killing your focus... it will.
Perhaps let this be an unknown that is ABSOLUTELY none of your business. God/Universe has brought you to this... perhaps just give yourself an f-ing break here. It's okay to not CONTROL anything here... just to let it be... scary... good... whatever...
What causes me stress... causes me stress.
It is COURAGEOUS to face things head-on... to have discussions about our truth, our hopes, our fears...
If you say it's killing your focus... it will.
Perhaps let this be an unknown that is ABSOLUTELY none of your business. God/Universe has brought you to this... perhaps just give yourself an f-ing break here. It's okay to not CONTROL anything here... just to let it be... scary... good... whatever...
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
I am learning to crochet and knit. It's coming in it's own timing. I love yarn shops, the textures, colors, abundance...
I love the people I've been meeting at the yarn shops... the other tangents these things lead into.
I have a leather measurement band that wraps around the wrist... found at a yarn shop in Bozeman. When I wear it, it gives me a distraction, a focus, a confidence... when I can use an extra special boost of that. It reminds me to look at life with curiosity.
The "why" of your original question may or may not be answered in it's own timing....
The NOW you spoke of earlier also has an acronym of Never Omit Wonder.
May you find some beautiful wonder, joy and AWE in this day. As your feet guide your way... take note of the pavement... of textures.. of new surprises.
Pray... and follow.
I love the people I've been meeting at the yarn shops... the other tangents these things lead into.
I have a leather measurement band that wraps around the wrist... found at a yarn shop in Bozeman. When I wear it, it gives me a distraction, a focus, a confidence... when I can use an extra special boost of that. It reminds me to look at life with curiosity.
The "why" of your original question may or may not be answered in it's own timing....
The NOW you spoke of earlier also has an acronym of Never Omit Wonder.
May you find some beautiful wonder, joy and AWE in this day. As your feet guide your way... take note of the pavement... of textures.. of new surprises.
Pray... and follow.
It is temporary! As you build a rapport with the therapist, hopefully, you will find yourself looking forward to it, not being anxious about it. I would say at this point friend, give it time.
Big hugs! Always here for you, PM me anytime you need a buddy!
Big hugs! Always here for you, PM me anytime you need a buddy!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 46
Hi firespit
I too had massive anxiety when I first started counselling after about 6 sessions I quit. Then I was recommended someone and now I love going. I don't know if it was because the first councellor was a man it just didn't sit with me. Just a thought X
I too had massive anxiety when I first started counselling after about 6 sessions I quit. Then I was recommended someone and now I love going. I don't know if it was because the first councellor was a man it just didn't sit with me. Just a thought X
I think I figured it out - I *think* it's the not-knowing how I'm going to feel afterward.
It's the unpredictability of what emotions are going to rise, what questions will pop up after-the-fact.... the dynamic of feeling worse (even temporarily) in an effort to get better.
Therapy is making me angry, y'all. Hard to know what to do with that/where to put it once the hour is up, I guess.
It's the unpredictability of what emotions are going to rise, what questions will pop up after-the-fact.... the dynamic of feeling worse (even temporarily) in an effort to get better.
Therapy is making me angry, y'all. Hard to know what to do with that/where to put it once the hour is up, I guess.
I've been trying to figure out how to respond to this for a bit -- I think because I first went to therapy in complete Crisis Mode -- my first marriage was falling apart, and it was all my fault, just a slo-mo implosion in-progress for at least six months--I never really had the space in my head or heart to worry about therapy. I just needed it.
Fifteen years later (five years the first go-round, then a big break, and I've been back since summer 2014 to finally deal with my compulsive eating), I look forward to it, even if sometimes wonder what we'll talk about as I walk there!
Fifteen years later (five years the first go-round, then a big break, and I've been back since summer 2014 to finally deal with my compulsive eating), I look forward to it, even if sometimes wonder what we'll talk about as I walk there!
I think the anxiety is normal or at least it is for me. I look forward to going to therapy and dread it in the same breath. I know its good for me but it always stirs up feelings that somedays I would rather tuck in the corner. I will say my latest appointments have been turning a corner because we have dealt with the past, accepted the present and now I'm in rebuilding mode with the therapist. Maybe its more a product of where you're at right now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
Totally normal. It can be a sign of something major that's moving just below the surface of your consciousness - you may be "waking up" to knowledge that you've suppressed or tried not to think about for years. I've found that when I feel anxious before a therapy appointment, it's a sign that some growth or change is happening, even if I don't yet know what it is. It's really unpleasant to experience, but I don't think it's a bad thing.
Thanks guys - glad I'm not alone... and it makes sense that it's all relative to the ebbs & flows of what's churning up below the surface at any given time. (crisis/new awarenesses, etc)
I have had the same experience now 3 sessions in a row - anxiety before, anger afterward. The first time, the anger was immediate & furious, this week it didn't even start building until after I'd left & continued rising throughout the evening. I went sorta nuclear by the following morning.... going to have to work on that somewhat. Different angers = different methods of working through....
It's a frustrating place to be in - according to her, there's not much more I can/should be doing that I already have/am. She suggested journaling & I had already restarted the habit that very morning before our session with a private online journal I can access from any computer or my smart phone so, yeah. Check. I also reminded her that I have over 5000 posts here on SR which is another active way of journaling, so it's something I've done fairly regularly over many years.
At the same time, he's the opposite & needs as much therapy time as possible to even be able to get to a point where we can begin any kind of joint sessions which is what *I* need, if for no other reason than being able to communicate with him. (SUPER frustrating to think in terms of this whole process moving on HIS timeframe, just like the brokenness happened as well.... that's where I have to decide how long I'm willing to continue investing in this....)
We manage the "to-do" convos pretty OK - that stuff we have to discuss about finances, etc. We've ended up having a couple of conversations more relative to our bigger problems (because I don't know HOW to stop the way life just unfolds organically) & they've been morphed a bit from "utter-wastes-of-time" to "not-horrible" & sometimes in between.
We're supposed to "keep it light" & "stick to family time" while taking a "break" from actively trying to work on the relationship. That's such a challenge - keeping light when everything is so heavy & triggers are buried everywhere, invisible until detonation. To be fair, the family time moments have gotten easier as the last few weeks have unfolded & we've relaxed a little into it.
She agrees that our detached living situation makes sense for right now, which is good because *I* need that more than anything, I think. It's tough sometimes, we're still trying to figure out boundaries with that kind of stuff. He came into the house for something after I'd gone to bed one night & scared the bejesus out of me, for instance. When I went out last weekend with friends we had the argument (that I had been anticipating) the next morning after he very obviously waited up for me to get home. Instead of just discussing it directly, he takes the passive aggressive route & I refuse to pick up the rope & volunteer to engage with that, so I went to bed & he stewed all night. Suddenly, it matters & that irritates me to no end.
I have had the same experience now 3 sessions in a row - anxiety before, anger afterward. The first time, the anger was immediate & furious, this week it didn't even start building until after I'd left & continued rising throughout the evening. I went sorta nuclear by the following morning.... going to have to work on that somewhat. Different angers = different methods of working through....
It's a frustrating place to be in - according to her, there's not much more I can/should be doing that I already have/am. She suggested journaling & I had already restarted the habit that very morning before our session with a private online journal I can access from any computer or my smart phone so, yeah. Check. I also reminded her that I have over 5000 posts here on SR which is another active way of journaling, so it's something I've done fairly regularly over many years.
At the same time, he's the opposite & needs as much therapy time as possible to even be able to get to a point where we can begin any kind of joint sessions which is what *I* need, if for no other reason than being able to communicate with him. (SUPER frustrating to think in terms of this whole process moving on HIS timeframe, just like the brokenness happened as well.... that's where I have to decide how long I'm willing to continue investing in this....)
We manage the "to-do" convos pretty OK - that stuff we have to discuss about finances, etc. We've ended up having a couple of conversations more relative to our bigger problems (because I don't know HOW to stop the way life just unfolds organically) & they've been morphed a bit from "utter-wastes-of-time" to "not-horrible" & sometimes in between.
We're supposed to "keep it light" & "stick to family time" while taking a "break" from actively trying to work on the relationship. That's such a challenge - keeping light when everything is so heavy & triggers are buried everywhere, invisible until detonation. To be fair, the family time moments have gotten easier as the last few weeks have unfolded & we've relaxed a little into it.
She agrees that our detached living situation makes sense for right now, which is good because *I* need that more than anything, I think. It's tough sometimes, we're still trying to figure out boundaries with that kind of stuff. He came into the house for something after I'd gone to bed one night & scared the bejesus out of me, for instance. When I went out last weekend with friends we had the argument (that I had been anticipating) the next morning after he very obviously waited up for me to get home. Instead of just discussing it directly, he takes the passive aggressive route & I refuse to pick up the rope & volunteer to engage with that, so I went to bed & he stewed all night. Suddenly, it matters & that irritates me to no end.
I remember going through therapy quite pi$$ed off for a while. I have learned that when some emotions come up, and things come up, I have to shelf them until therapy, because that turned into my safe space. Some people call that stuffing, I don't. My therapist really helps me see WHY I am feeling that way, and many times it's not just the anger, that is simply how I am showing it. It may be fear, disappointment, hurt, or many other things, disguised under my old friend anger. That is a safe space for me to address it, and my only addressing it during journaling and when I am there, it enables me to go on with life and not be consumed by these things.
I am working on digging deep. It's painful, and not always a good feeling. However, I am also addressing things so I can heal from them.
It may be possible that you don't necessarily need therapy alone right now (wow, did I just say that to ANYONE, I am the therapy poster child lol), but that some of your feelings have to wait until you are at a point to go together.
It's quite possible therapy may not change him, or change any of the things that is driving you nuts. However, you are safe. You have separate space (even if he is crossing boundaries, maybe address that), you and your DD are OK. That is what counts.
Sending you big hugs friend.
I am working on digging deep. It's painful, and not always a good feeling. However, I am also addressing things so I can heal from them.
It may be possible that you don't necessarily need therapy alone right now (wow, did I just say that to ANYONE, I am the therapy poster child lol), but that some of your feelings have to wait until you are at a point to go together.
It's quite possible therapy may not change him, or change any of the things that is driving you nuts. However, you are safe. You have separate space (even if he is crossing boundaries, maybe address that), you and your DD are OK. That is what counts.
Sending you big hugs friend.
Yes & no - depending on how you look at it, I guess. I have no plans to pursue a relationship with him but I'm not holding a crystal ball that tells me how things will unfold as time goes with him or anyone else for that matter. It's certainly fed my ego in ways I needed as a woman (because I wasn't looking for this attention when it found me) but he's far from my only option in life. He's pretty well shown himself to belong in the "not long-term relationship material" category from what I've seen - but I've also purposefully NOT allowed things to get personal between us at all, so who am I to judge?
I've kept hard boundaries there - he knows nothing about me other than the fact that I'm married - not my last name, not whether I have children, what I do for a living, if I even work... - nada. We don't spend time together, we "see" each other when we're in the same place at the same time & at that, it's very limited. He stopped the aggressive pursuits a couple of months ago when we had words about it & has been giving me total space (even while he's uber aware of my presence, lol) so it's not something I give much time or energy to in any way, I have enough on my plate.
FireSprite.....I am going to take a risk and go out on a limb, here....(chop down the limb if I am off base...lol)....
Is it possible that your anger is steming from the fact that the therapist is working on the Marriage....the marriage that your husband wants, and that has not been enough for you, for a long time.....
And, the fact that there is another figure in the background (foreground?) that is offering what feels, to you, those things that you have been yearning for, that you can't access in the marriage.....
That your husband is the sticky wicket that has the whole process log jammed....
That, perhaps, on top of this...you feel like you must go through this whole therapy thing, with him---so, that when it doesn't put this marriage back together...you can say..."See, there you go...I did everything you asked and that I could possibly do..including marriage counseling....I can't stay in this marriage, any more"....THUS, ending it wearing the white hat...rather than the black hat of being the bad one that ended the marriage....
Then, you would be free to pursue someone that provides better feelings, for you....
Like I said---just spitballing.....
Is it possible that your anger is steming from the fact that the therapist is working on the Marriage....the marriage that your husband wants, and that has not been enough for you, for a long time.....
And, the fact that there is another figure in the background (foreground?) that is offering what feels, to you, those things that you have been yearning for, that you can't access in the marriage.....
That your husband is the sticky wicket that has the whole process log jammed....
That, perhaps, on top of this...you feel like you must go through this whole therapy thing, with him---so, that when it doesn't put this marriage back together...you can say..."See, there you go...I did everything you asked and that I could possibly do..including marriage counseling....I can't stay in this marriage, any more"....THUS, ending it wearing the white hat...rather than the black hat of being the bad one that ended the marriage....
Then, you would be free to pursue someone that provides better feelings, for you....
Like I said---just spitballing.....
My anger moves around a lot dandy, ha.
I am angry at myself for tolerating my husband - even though every time I look backward I am still confident in my reasons & decisions to stay.
I'm angry at him for all KINDS of things, yes, part of which is that now he's finally ready when I'm at the point of giving up.
I'm angry that part of my INDIVIDUAL therapy is essentially being used to help her flesh out a bigger, accurate picture of him quickly in the effort of saving time. My awareness & self awareness are much more developed than his.
This other guy isn't offering me anything - it's nothing more basic than attention & straight lust at this point. There is no love, he doesn't know me. It's nice to know that part of my life isn't dead/over, but there's no substance there OR any reason to believe there ever could be.
I'm more of the opinion that HE would do as you described - knowing full well he couldn't possibly make the necessary strides fast enough.... sort of using therapy to initiate divorce. I'm the one that has asked to go for years & insisted upon it now in order to rebuild communication. I have been shocked most of all that he agreed & has followed-through this far; I really expected him to no-show or reschedule or balk at the idea of individual sessions.
I am angry at myself for tolerating my husband - even though every time I look backward I am still confident in my reasons & decisions to stay.
I'm angry at him for all KINDS of things, yes, part of which is that now he's finally ready when I'm at the point of giving up.
I'm angry that part of my INDIVIDUAL therapy is essentially being used to help her flesh out a bigger, accurate picture of him quickly in the effort of saving time. My awareness & self awareness are much more developed than his.
This other guy isn't offering me anything - it's nothing more basic than attention & straight lust at this point. There is no love, he doesn't know me. It's nice to know that part of my life isn't dead/over, but there's no substance there OR any reason to believe there ever could be.
That, perhaps, on top of this...you feel like you must go through this whole therapy thing, with him---so, that when it doesn't put this marriage back together...you can say..."See, there you go...I did everything you asked and that I could possibly do..including marriage counseling....I can't stay in this marriage, any more"....THUS, ending it wearing the white hat...rather than the black hat of being the bad one that ended the marriage....
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Maybe... just... pray... meditate... follow...
Keep it light & bright.
Give yourself an f-ing reprieve from all this inner-work and simply ENJOY THIS DAY.
Okay... so you know where THIS f-ing bit of "advice" is coming from with me.
Keep it light & bright.
Give yourself an f-ing reprieve from all this inner-work and simply ENJOY THIS DAY.
Okay... so you know where THIS f-ing bit of "advice" is coming from with me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
My anger moves around a lot dandy, ha.
I am angry at myself for tolerating my husband - even though every time I look backward I am still confident in my reasons & decisions to stay.
I'm angry at him for all KINDS of things, yes, part of which is that now he's finally ready when I'm at the point of giving up.
I'm angry that part of my INDIVIDUAL therapy is essentially being used to help her flesh out a bigger, accurate picture of him quickly in the effort of saving time. My awareness & self awareness are much more developed than his.
This other guy isn't offering me anything - it's nothing more basic than attention & straight lust at this point. There is no love, he doesn't know me. It's nice to know that part of my life isn't dead/over, but there's no substance there OR any reason to believe there ever could be.
I'm more of the opinion that HE would do as you described - knowing full well he couldn't possibly make the necessary strides fast enough.... sort of using therapy to initiate divorce. I'm the one that has asked to go for years & insisted upon it now in order to rebuild communication. I have been shocked most of all that he agreed & has followed-through this far; I really expected him to no-show or reschedule or balk at the idea of individual sessions.
I am angry at myself for tolerating my husband - even though every time I look backward I am still confident in my reasons & decisions to stay.
I'm angry at him for all KINDS of things, yes, part of which is that now he's finally ready when I'm at the point of giving up.
I'm angry that part of my INDIVIDUAL therapy is essentially being used to help her flesh out a bigger, accurate picture of him quickly in the effort of saving time. My awareness & self awareness are much more developed than his.
This other guy isn't offering me anything - it's nothing more basic than attention & straight lust at this point. There is no love, he doesn't know me. It's nice to know that part of my life isn't dead/over, but there's no substance there OR any reason to believe there ever could be.
I'm more of the opinion that HE would do as you described - knowing full well he couldn't possibly make the necessary strides fast enough.... sort of using therapy to initiate divorce. I'm the one that has asked to go for years & insisted upon it now in order to rebuild communication. I have been shocked most of all that he agreed & has followed-through this far; I really expected him to no-show or reschedule or balk at the idea of individual sessions.
I find it interesting that in this thread you offer up a lot of comparison between yourself and your husband. In all of the cases, it appears to me - and this is not judgement - Im sharing from a strictly analytical perspective. You seem to portray yourself as UP HERE and he DOWN THERE. You are always towering above him. Even in the comments about going out on a date presumably having fun, and the husband steaming at home.
Therapy works in mysterious ways, and while you are probably correct part of your INDIVIDUAL session is being used to talk about him, your family, your marriage. All of your responses show what you have been through, how you have coped, your thoughts and feelings about yourself, and others. No offense again, but reading your post this may be the only way she can get to know you with your defenses down.
IF she has sessions with him - guess what? as he talks about himself, his experiences, feelings - what hes been through, his interactions with his wife, his family. She will also be learning about you. From another angle.
Ive found therapy to be a safe place to explore and to let down my walls. I had anxiety going to appointments in the beginning and at various other times. I suggest telling the therapist you feel anxious and angry. Let her explore it with you.
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