Shebeens

Yesterday I went to small party of husbands friends who are all involved with his outside hobby/interest (something I am not involved with or passionate about). I went with every intention of making it through day 15 sober and with a good attitude even though I feel socially awkward these days!
Upon walking in the home I was led to the table full of wine options. Ut oh... I declined and offered up my own party sized bottle of diet soda. The response..... 🤨 and “oh, oh ok....”. Awkward. No worries I carry on.....
Met wife.... immediate question “what do you do?” Uh..... I wanted to respond “not drink” but then realized she was asking about work. I hate that question.... I feel it is so judgmental. This is why I should not go out of my house.... I know she was trying to make a connection but it wasn’t going to happen right then....
Then we move on to watch the game.... sitting next to the male party thrower we go thru the same “what do you do question” and then move on to my next favorite “what do you do for fun”? I literally was speechless.... I was about to respond “drink” and realized that was not a good response so next was going to be “not drink anymore...” again, not a good response.... so I sat there saying nothing until the silence was not comfortable and I responded “not much”. Wow, I felt like a loser.... I really just need to stay home with Netflix until I re-invent my social life. I happily told my husband I only drank soda... I don’t think he realizes what a huge success that was!!! 👍

Tang

First, you're a winner for not drinking. Second, I've been in many awkward sober party situations. There are many normies out there who do not understand why one would not drink. Just look at them as ignorant folks who have been spared exposure to the devastation of alcoholism. Lastly, I personally believe there is nothing wrong with skipping parties especially early in recovery (unless you do it for your job like me and that's a different story.)

wayforward

It's great that you stuck with sobriety.

Social situations are bound to be a bit awkward in our early sober days. It's not the end of the world. For questions like that, I'm sure you can come up with some kind of canned response for future situations. People aren't as heavily invested in your answer as you may think. They just want to make you feel welcome.

wildflower70

Lastly, I personally believe there is nothing wrong with skipping parties especially early in recovery (unless you do it for your job like me and that's a different story.)[/QUOTE]

I agree!!

The longest period that I have been sober was 8 months. I thought I was ready for everything, dating, going to listen to live music, eating out at a pub. I wasn't ready for ANY of it. I was so strong in my sobriety, and in one night lost it, because I put myself in a place I wasn't ready for. Give yourself some time, I know I will not make the same mistake twice and don't care what anyone thinks!

Change4good

Good for you. And "What do you do for fun?" sounds like a really weird question.

Fly N Buy

You never have to go through day 15 again nor ever drink again. We find our way through life as sober people, it just takes times. No more morning illness, shame or guilt of what did I do?> Well done on trudging through.

Keep coming back

Arpeggioh

Wow...

Stuck in someone's house making small talk with strangers is my idea of Hell on earth even on my best day; enduring it recently sober? Gack!

Good work, but don't worry about staying home next time; I would totally pass on most invites for awhile...

Mamakazi

I'm so proud of you for making it through with just soda! I struggle with the, "what do you do for fun?" question, big time. Because yeah, normally it's "drink". Now what? Now what do I do? So I am in the same position. If I think of some hobbies that can fill up my time I will happily share.

16YearsDrunk

Wow congratulations. Social situations are hard because drinking makes them easier. I have a funeral on Thursday and I know everyone will expect me to drink. Today is my day 1 so I've got a long way to go, but your post is inspirational.

This is true. They're ice breakers. It's the point where you both decide if you're similar, or have anything similar to talk about. Although it really isn't nice when the other person/people are drunk and you're sober.

I'm thankful I have aspergers and hate social situations.

MLD51

Canned responses are a good idea. Like Wayforward said, most people don't really care much about your answer, it's just small talk to break the ice. That having been said, I had many awkward moments like that at the beginning - because my sole focus in life was staying sober. I really wasn't doing anything else. So I would just tell people a bit about my job (was only part time at that point) and tell them I like to read and hike. Then quickly ask them about themselves. Because that's really what people want - to talk about themselves. I did avoid most social situations for quite a while, because I just wanted to work on sobriety and it was hard to be around other people who were not also in recovery. I felt like I didn't really "fit" anywhere but in the company of other recovering drunks for a while. It's fine now, I can go pretty much anywhere and do OK making small talk even though I don't really like it, but I can manage. It just takes time.

fhl41

Congrats you made it, it will get easier with time. I hate that question too, when I was dating, that was always the question on the first date, what do you do for fun, so ridiculous.

Anna

Ugh, I used to go to lots of parties like that for my husband's work. Small talk with strangers is difficult, but I'm glad that you stayed sober. The people at the party won't get it and your husband may not get it, but we know how hard that was.

Shebeens

Thanks all!!

ubntubnt

Well done on not drinking in that situation, no small achievement. As people have said there is no need to take any of these questions personally. These people are probably feel as awkward as you are and asking to try to find some common ground or an angle for a conversation. The what do you do question is often a good conversation opener and in my experience not often meant as a way to judge or compete. The what do you do in your free time or what do you do for fun I tend to find a tad creepier but again people usually are usually just trying to find something to talk about as a starting point to get to know you or to fit a gap, no big issue. Canned responses will work just fine to get the ball rolling. Incidentally to the last question I usually answer "drugs, rock and roll, alcohol and sex, what about you?"

tomsteve

ya made it through without drinking

I really just need to stay home with Netflix until I re-invent my social life.

welp, idk how netflix will help that. i found only one way to become comfortable in social situations- around groups of people i didnt know. that was to get out and be in social situations and around people i didnt know.
what held me back and had me wanting to isolate was low self esteem- i put others' opinions of me higher than my own opinion of me.
when i stopped caring/worrying about what others' opinion of me is/was, i learned to enjoy social events. i was able to start adding to them- making them more enjoyable for those around me- rather than what i could get out of them.
although i dont go to many of them- im a wee bit of an introvert and they wear me out.
but when i do go i just dont care what others think of me.