16YearsDrunk

I'm here as a last resort because I am stuck. I've done the reddit stop drinking sub ... lasted 60 days until I started again so I thought it's probably best to get myself on a forum where there's more active support (not saying reddit wasn't helpful).

I'm 33. Been drinking since I was 16. The majority of the days since I was 16 I spent drinking.

Most of the time I consume 4-8 cans of stella a night. I have went over, and under, that many times. I don't drink in the day but recently I have had a beer at 2pm. I try to keep it until after 6pm.

I'm not sure if I qualify as an alcoholic but I can't stop, and I consume too many units. So, that makes me an alcoholic I guess.

For the past 5 years at least I've developed temporary issues as a result of drinking. I get pitting edema after beer in my feet. It happens after I drink by the next morning it's gone and if I don't drink i t doesn't happen. My morning poops are also not nice (sorry).

I tell myself "I will not drink today, I have to remain strong" ... and then I end up drinking. It is impossible for me to stop right now.

When I do stop I develop unpleasant symptoms. The worst is the holiday heart, or ectopic heartbeats as they're called. I don't have heart problems, but I do have ectopics as a result of anxiety (had them since I was a teen, I'm all good). As I hadn't drank today they were happening a lot. As soon as I drank they went away. When I stopped for 60 days the first 2 weeks were hell with the ectopics. I ended up in A&E because my heart was skipping beats 10 times a minute. They checked me, discharged me and said it was a result of anxiety and that my heart is fine. They picked up the ectopics on ECG but wasn't concerned.

Not sure if that's a result of anxiety because I hadn't drank or whether its a withdrawal issue.

Tonight I got 4 small bottles of Peroni. It's a step down. If I can't stop right now I have to reduce my intake and prepare to stop.

I'm looking for any advice. I'm hoping I'm not alone here and others have been through this. I really want to stop.

I'm also a body builder and drinking doesn't help me at all. I'm used to hangovers, or feeling rough, and I can mostly ignore those feelings but beer + exercise is counter productive. I just spent a tonne of cash on a nice weight bench and it arrives Tuesday. I really want to stop drinking so when it arrives I can workout at home and put my energies into improving my fitness.

Sorry for the essay. I am looking for any help possible right now.

zerothehero

You ask whether you're an alcoholic? Check this: https://www.verywell.com/dsm-5-crite...isorders-21926

Also, anxiety was my primary relapse emotion, and my anxiety spiked when I quit drinking - seriously spiked. I basically had to just ride it out, but now it's at what most would consider normal levels, and that required a lot of mindfulness-based stress reduction, including yoga and meditation.

Given your heart symptoms, I would want to have an honest conversation with a doctor about the amount I have been drinking and for how long. Alcohol withdrawal can be fatal. Supervised withdrawal may be the safest plan, or at least monitor yourself closely as you cut back (if you can). I had no problems with withdrawal until the last time I did it, and it got scary, and in retrospect I should have been in a facility. Take care of yourself. The SR forum provides awesome support, but you may want to add some kind of meetings, as well.

TheToddman

Well, first and foremost I want to say welcome.

Sounds like you're engaging in a pretty dangerous game. I'd really consider getting in front of a doctor to talk about your drinking. Don't sweat the embarrassment...it's totally natural. I've been there man. Were you truthful about your drinking when you were in the emergency room last? Interesting to think they'd consider your episodes of arrhythmia solely anxiety.

Once you have a medical (if needed) plan of action then consider reaching out to various recovery groups near you. The interaction with another alcoholic--and from what you describe it sounds like you're there--and a plan that you can get into place can help you find freedom. But remember, it's a journey and not a destination.

Hang around here also--this is an excellent community to be a part of and one that's helped me more than I can express to stay on the sober path. Also consider joining us in the fitness forum (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...alth-nutrition). I'm also an avid weightlifter and find my fitness regimen to be seriously pivotal to my recovery.

Take care!

T.

16YearsDrunk

Thanks guys,

In terms of health I'm all well and good. I see my doctor regular. Last time I seen him was 2 weeks ago for some more anxiety medication.

I've had my heartbeat issues since I was a teen. I've seen cardiologists, had multiple ECG's and echocardiograms. I've admitted myself to A&E many times with heart issues and all times I'm clear and sent on my way. This has been happening since I was 14. I know it sounds scary but honestly it's normal for me. They call them PACS and PVCS. They're completely harmless in a normally structured heart and my heart is normal It runs in our family my mother, and brothers, all have the same issues but they seem to deal with them better than I.

It always freaks people out when I talk about them. And yes A&E are aware I drink too much and smoke too much cannabis. My doc knows. Drinking has been my medication of choice when it comes to anxiety and it works! Although it's bad drug of choice because dependance.

Now my plan of action is to quit. I have to. I'm not in the danger zone. My grandad and uncle were drinking liters of whiskey a day ... that's the danger zone. I seen their withdrawal and that was a new level of hell. Both died sadly, but I fear if I continue this way I'll end up just like them.

My other uncle is a bad alcoholic right now. He is drinking 8 cans of strong lager a day. He was drinking 16, but doc cut him down to 8 then to 4 and they want to get him off them as he's also in the danger zone. Seeing all this makes me want to stop before I get like that.

All my mates have drank daily for the same length of time. Some are older. And to them its normal. I've since broke away from those friends and started drinking in the house. I drink less.

I'm looking for coping mechanisms. Exercise works for me, but I work out daily anyway. I do cardio, and lift weights. I also jump rope 20 minutes a day. But I need something else to keep my mind off.

I'm going to cut down. 4 bottles for a week, then 2, then 0. I will also be starting back on my anxiety meds (20mg citalopram). I've done it before, I can do it again. I get to a certain point where I tell myself "You're detoxed, you can drink again just keep it to a minimum". It starts of low, then quickly increases to 8 pints a night lol.

16YearsDrunk

Another thing that has been a huge trigger is January 2017 I lost my Dad to cancer. He was only 56. Then this year around the same time I lost my stepdad to Cancer and he was just 46! Both of them are huge figures in my life so the loss has caused me to drink more I guess. I need some counselling for that.

Yad2LohoclaOn

Welcome 16 years. I can speak on physical issues (“For the past 5 years at least I've developed temporary issues as a result of drinking. I get pitting edema after beer in my feet. It happens after I drink by the next morning it's gone and if I don't drink i t doesn't happen. My morning poops are also not nice (sorry).”)

I’m 55 yo and nasty poop, swelling in face, hands and belly (ascites?) were *not* good signs in me. It was my body responding to a struggling liver, pancreas and kidneys. The swelling would go away in 1-2 days if I didn’t drink and poop became normal and dark brown. But still, I was seeing outer manifestations of my fifth of vodka/day and it scared me silly.

Keep coming back and read old posts. Wealth of info here and peeps who care and understand this journey.

I will not drink with y’all today

16YearsDrunk

Thanks buddy will do. I've been reading through many posts here for some time now and decided I need to register You guys/girls are very welcoming. Thank you

Nonsensical

No it isn't.
I used to believe things that aren't true, too. It's part of being addicted to alcohol.
The reality is you feel bad when you don't drink, and you choose not to feel bad. That isn't the same thing as impossible to stop.
Drinking isn't happening to you.
You are doing it.
That may seem like a harsh thing for me to write in your current state of mind, but it's actually highly empowering. You have the power to quit drinking. Learn how to use it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

16YearsDrunk

You're absolutely right! I much prefer the harsh reality than sugar coated help :p I manage to stick to 4 small bottles of beer tonight so thats a step in the right direction. Been drinking tea since and about to watch a movie and then sleep

Hevyn

Glad to meet you, 16Years. When I came here I'd been drinking 30 yrs. Knowing I wasn't alone anymore made all the difference to me. You can get free.

courage2

Hi 16Years, and Welcome!

You'll find tons of great help here -- read a lot, post a lot

You don't have to drink. You have the power to stop. It's not easy to learn to live sober, but you can do it, and you won't regret it.

Dee74

The support here helped change things for me. It helped me believe I could not only stop but stay stopped too

Good to have you join us 16YearsDrunk


D

Cottontop1

Hi, I tried to quit on my own several times and always went back to drinking. When I finally realized I couldn't stay stopped, I went to Alcoholics Anonymous and found a room full of people just like me staying sober with support from each other, the actions suggested in the 12 steps and a Higher Power whether that was the strength of the fellowship or God as we understand him. I really like the people and have made new friends. Many of us have or have had crippling anxiety and unresolved grief. I have received more help with this in AA than I ever did in therapy, although therapy can be very helpful for some people. I have 40 days sober and actually have moments and days where I experience happiness and peace now. Come join us. I am sure you will like us as much as we will like you. AA is Alcoholics Anonymous. You can find a meeting schedule and literature to read at AA.org. Teia

Stronger2017

Hi mate👋 I drank in a similar way to you. This community has really helped me quit. I used the September daily support thread and I’d recommend posting to the February one for accountability. The “Road to ...” fitness threads are also good. They are now on the Road to Spring 2018. I’d give it a go! I also started going to therapy when I quit to really sort out the head stuff. It has really helped. I’m now supplementing the therapy with my own daily readings (and doings) of various stuff. I also do a lot of sport. I was injured for the first couple of months after I quit and could hardly exercise- lots of walking though. That’s now pretty much fixed and I’ve noticed my fitness is starting to get gooood💪 I’m on five months and have no plans to go back. Best of luck!

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

JoeCree

Im going to focus on two of your comments:
1- that you are a bodybuilder, you do realize that your drinking is severely countering all the hard work you put in. I know several bodybuilders, and the only time they drank or put junk down their mouth was right after a competition. Can you imagine what you/your body would feel like if you cut out alcohol?

2- you speak of the "danger zone" like you are not there. It's not based on consumption limits, it's when your mind and body come to depend on it, and judging from your comments I'd say you are smack inside the danger zone right now.

You have a chance here. You are young and relatively healthy... take this gift of self awareness, and harness what you already know needs to be done.

jhonnyspa

Hi 16 years,

The People and support here are amazing. Hearing your story of heart palps reminds me of my own A& E vist's, I thought I was getting a heart attack.I was put on blood pressure medication and drips for alcohol withdrawal and as the others said it can be dangerous.My condolences on your loss. I also lost my mum 4 months ago and countless friends and relations through alcohol but I myself think that one must ask does alcohol help with grief? I think not, it only masks it. We are all on this journey together and we can and will fight this addiction if we just admit we are powerless over alcohol and seek all the help possible.

oldmate

hey 16, welcome to the forum mate.

i can relate to a lot of your story. It's not nice feeling sick aye.

I'm in the same boat as you just about. if you can exercise and that,
youre laughing, its a great way to relieve stress and have something
to focus on.

Maybe pick up a new hobbie to distract your mind? building models
can be fun if youre into anything like that.

Hopefully you can grab this thing and sort it out.

rascalwhiteoak

Hi 16years. In the past year, I quit drinking high ABV beer, started feeling the benefits of my escitalopram script, and witnessed the end of the weird poops. Plus, all that exercise I was doing to stay ahead of the massive amount of beer calories is now paying off (I'm not primarily a lifter, but still). Also, the 3:30 a.m. wake ups are history, and I don't break out in sweats at unfortunate moments.

The things you want are within reach, and they're worth the effort

16YearsDrunk

Wow, so many replies. Thank you so much. I have read through them this morning and they have really helped lift my spirits. Today I will attempt to quit completely today. Every time I quit before it's been cold turkey my problem is complacency.

Such an amazing place though and I thank everyone for their time

Oh, and I found an AA place local to me. Giving them a call today.