New here, day 19
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 14
New here, day 19
Hi all,
I have been lurking on here for about a week and figured it's time for me to introduce myself. I am 45 years old and, until now, have never taken more than 3 days off drinking since I was pregnant, over 15 years ago. I don't drink to black out, haven't gotten in trouble with the law or had any 'threshold' moment. I have a good job and take care of my family and the rest of my life. I just see myself drinking more every year and now pretty much steadily drink anytime I am not at work, which means from after work until bed on weekdays and mostly all day on weekends. There was this level of intoxication that I would pretty much seek to maintain constantly. It calmed my restlessness and softened the edges of what I find to be an overwhelmingly intense, bright, loud world. Over time, I found myself planning my activities around occasions to drink, sneaking and hiding drinks and just generally engaging in behaviors that made me ashamed of myself.
I tried to do 'DryJanuary' and made it 3 days, then drank heavily for the next 9. I knew then that I am not able to do 'moderation' and that I had to quit for good. I like the new. sober me and it helps my self esteem to not be constantly letting myself down and breaking promises that I made about 'cutting down'.
But sometimes,it's just HARD!
I don't know anyone in real life who doesn't drink. Anyone. This makes it hard to have anyone to talk to about it, as talking about my drinking makes other people uncomfortable (presumably about their own consumption). My husband has been great, but when he is away (he travels for work) I sometimes feel weak. My favorite time to drink was when I was alone (boredom, restlessness, overly busy mind) and I am alone a lot. I go for walks with my dog or runs on my own. I read or stretch/yoga, but sometimes I still drive myself crazy.
Anyway, I'm doing ok, the good definitely outweighs the bad and I feel much better now than before. (Except fatigue! What's up with that? )
I look forward to getting to know you and having the support of this group.
Thanks for reading.
4Thorns
I have been lurking on here for about a week and figured it's time for me to introduce myself. I am 45 years old and, until now, have never taken more than 3 days off drinking since I was pregnant, over 15 years ago. I don't drink to black out, haven't gotten in trouble with the law or had any 'threshold' moment. I have a good job and take care of my family and the rest of my life. I just see myself drinking more every year and now pretty much steadily drink anytime I am not at work, which means from after work until bed on weekdays and mostly all day on weekends. There was this level of intoxication that I would pretty much seek to maintain constantly. It calmed my restlessness and softened the edges of what I find to be an overwhelmingly intense, bright, loud world. Over time, I found myself planning my activities around occasions to drink, sneaking and hiding drinks and just generally engaging in behaviors that made me ashamed of myself.
I tried to do 'DryJanuary' and made it 3 days, then drank heavily for the next 9. I knew then that I am not able to do 'moderation' and that I had to quit for good. I like the new. sober me and it helps my self esteem to not be constantly letting myself down and breaking promises that I made about 'cutting down'.
But sometimes,it's just HARD!
I don't know anyone in real life who doesn't drink. Anyone. This makes it hard to have anyone to talk to about it, as talking about my drinking makes other people uncomfortable (presumably about their own consumption). My husband has been great, but when he is away (he travels for work) I sometimes feel weak. My favorite time to drink was when I was alone (boredom, restlessness, overly busy mind) and I am alone a lot. I go for walks with my dog or runs on my own. I read or stretch/yoga, but sometimes I still drive myself crazy.
Anyway, I'm doing ok, the good definitely outweighs the bad and I feel much better now than before. (Except fatigue! What's up with that? )
I look forward to getting to know you and having the support of this group.
Thanks for reading.
4Thorns
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Hi 4Thorns. Welcome. 19 days is very awesome! I'm on Day 25, after a couple of relapses. You sound very similar to me, except I'm retired now, so my drinking has become similar to your weekend drinking. Every day is a weekend day. I think all of here have tried to moderate and find that we cannot do so. I look forward to getting to know you as well. Read and post often. It's especially helpful when the going gets tough! I don't know what I would do without the support of SR.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi and welcome 4 Thirns - yeah I was surrounded by drinkers too - but I had to accept that alcohol affected me differently.
The good news is I thought not drinking would be dull and miserable - but its anything but.
I enjoy life more than I ever have and I'm fully engaged ion my and my loved ones lives.
I even had a lot of non drinker and normal occasional drinkers enter my life
D
The good news is I thought not drinking would be dull and miserable - but its anything but.
I enjoy life more than I ever have and I'm fully engaged ion my and my loved ones lives.
I even had a lot of non drinker and normal occasional drinkers enter my life
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 15
4thorns
Hi 4thorns,
I also drank wine everyday to maintain a level of intoxication was irritable, restless and discontent without alcohol and could quit sometimes, but couldn't stay quit. What you are describing sounds a lot like the description of the alcoholic in AA Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. You can go to AA.org to read more about it and see if it describes you too. Some people can quit on their own with support, however I could not stay quit without the AA recovery program. There you will find people to talk to who will understand and help you. This forum is great too. Wish you the best. Teia
I also drank wine everyday to maintain a level of intoxication was irritable, restless and discontent without alcohol and could quit sometimes, but couldn't stay quit. What you are describing sounds a lot like the description of the alcoholic in AA Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. You can go to AA.org to read more about it and see if it describes you too. Some people can quit on their own with support, however I could not stay quit without the AA recovery program. There you will find people to talk to who will understand and help you. This forum is great too. Wish you the best. Teia
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,499
Welcome 4Thorns and congratulations on 19 days of sobriety.
Being alone, when my husband travelled, was a huge trigger for me, too. I had to learn to enjoy being with myself. Instead of zoning out with alcohol, I had to become comfortable being alone.
You will find lots of support here.
Being alone, when my husband travelled, was a huge trigger for me, too. I had to learn to enjoy being with myself. Instead of zoning out with alcohol, I had to become comfortable being alone.
You will find lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 34
Hi 4thorns, I'm with you on 20 days too. You sound a lot like me in your drinking patterns. . I also don't know anyone in real life who doesn't drink, but then again I always assumed that everyone drank as much as me. Keep it up, don't break your streak. Going to bed early helps. The fatigue and sugar craving are rough, but better than being hungover or full of shame.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 132
Welcome! Your drinking pattern also sounded similar to mine except I went from wine to vodka. It did make the day to day hum drums more tolerable but with time I became intolerable. It's hard dealing with life but with sober eyes the day to day activities do brighten....well sometimes (lol).
best to you...
best to you...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome 4thorns. I hope your'e doing great today. A lot of people talk about being really tired at first. I guess it's our body giving ourselves a chance to heal. Not sure that's true, but it sounds good and I'll take it.
So glad you're here. Hang in there!
So glad you're here. Hang in there!
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