Not sure where I fit
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
Not sure where I fit
Hi there,
I'm brand new to this forum and given the unique circumstances of everybody here, I thought I might see if anyone had a similar situation to mine with suggestions for dealing with it.
I'm a 35yo husband and father of two very little ones; I'm successful in my job on very public stages; I exercise a lot with weights and as a martial artist; I eat really well; I'm sociable with a strong group of friends (admittedly most are back in my home country - I live in the UK); and I love my life. I also like a moderate glass of red wine a night, and I'll typically have one beer on a Sunday.
Once every couple of months I'll have a few more, leading to a mild hangover for a day. Once every 6 months to a year, I'll binge so hard that I can't talk or walk properly, purging everywhere (I tend not to pass out because I vomit early enough to get it out).
Unfortunately, some of these major binges have occurred at major events with friends (or my wife) around, and over the weekend just gone it led to a situation that has jeopardised my career and may end my marriage.
I used to binge more often in my youth but as I've got older, I've been much better able to control it. It's just these really rare occasions that have such serious consequences that I'm not sure what to do about. I'll drink the first few really quickly, and I won't stick to the same drinks either. It's sometimes on an empty stomach.
Beyond the obvious suggestions like ensuring I've eaten, drinking slowly, and spacing each drink with a non-alcoholic one (none of which I've been employing of late, btw), should I be looking at guides for avoiding the temptation not to pace myself in those situations? Money is extremely tight at the moment (I'm the sole earner) so I really have nothing spare for therapy after food and bills. I feel I should be able to control this like I do with every other area of my existence but I just don't know the tactics for something like alcohol bingeing. I can obviously control it 99% of the time..! I just don't get it.
Anyone else experienced this and found ways to beat it? I'm currently totally abstaining but I feel that, given my usual self-control with it, abstinence might not be the longer term solution.
Many thanks in advance!
TT
I'm brand new to this forum and given the unique circumstances of everybody here, I thought I might see if anyone had a similar situation to mine with suggestions for dealing with it.
I'm a 35yo husband and father of two very little ones; I'm successful in my job on very public stages; I exercise a lot with weights and as a martial artist; I eat really well; I'm sociable with a strong group of friends (admittedly most are back in my home country - I live in the UK); and I love my life. I also like a moderate glass of red wine a night, and I'll typically have one beer on a Sunday.
Once every couple of months I'll have a few more, leading to a mild hangover for a day. Once every 6 months to a year, I'll binge so hard that I can't talk or walk properly, purging everywhere (I tend not to pass out because I vomit early enough to get it out).
Unfortunately, some of these major binges have occurred at major events with friends (or my wife) around, and over the weekend just gone it led to a situation that has jeopardised my career and may end my marriage.
I used to binge more often in my youth but as I've got older, I've been much better able to control it. It's just these really rare occasions that have such serious consequences that I'm not sure what to do about. I'll drink the first few really quickly, and I won't stick to the same drinks either. It's sometimes on an empty stomach.
Beyond the obvious suggestions like ensuring I've eaten, drinking slowly, and spacing each drink with a non-alcoholic one (none of which I've been employing of late, btw), should I be looking at guides for avoiding the temptation not to pace myself in those situations? Money is extremely tight at the moment (I'm the sole earner) so I really have nothing spare for therapy after food and bills. I feel I should be able to control this like I do with every other area of my existence but I just don't know the tactics for something like alcohol bingeing. I can obviously control it 99% of the time..! I just don't get it.
Anyone else experienced this and found ways to beat it? I'm currently totally abstaining but I feel that, given my usual self-control with it, abstinence might not be the longer term solution.
Many thanks in advance!
TT
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR!
It isn't clear to me why you don't feel the one thing that is guaranteed to work might not be the long term solution.
Originally Posted by TinyTim 
I'm currently totally abstaining but I feel that, given my usual self-control with it, abstinence might not be the longer term solution.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: England
Posts: 645
Welcome TinyTim
Folk on this forum are here because they can't control drinking and the only solution is to give up completely. I guess if there was the solution that you seem to be looking for then the forum need not exist.
You say you have put your career and marriage at risk recently. There is only one way to make sure that does not happen again.
All the best and I hope last weekend gets resolved positively for you.
Folk on this forum are here because they can't control drinking and the only solution is to give up completely. I guess if there was the solution that you seem to be looking for then the forum need not exist.
You say you have put your career and marriage at risk recently. There is only one way to make sure that does not happen again.
All the best and I hope last weekend gets resolved positively for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I was where you are once.
For a long while I tried to ‘beat it’.
I finally found my answer; I walked away from the battle.
In sobriety, everything about my life is far better.
All the successes of my past are seen in another light.... I can reflect on how much alcohol really hindered my best self and my greatest abundance.
I have nothing but gratitude for the freedom and joy sobriety has brought.
I wish you well and if you’re seeking advice, mine would be to embrace sobriety and see for yourself.
For a long while I tried to ‘beat it’.
I finally found my answer; I walked away from the battle.
In sobriety, everything about my life is far better.
All the successes of my past are seen in another light.... I can reflect on how much alcohol really hindered my best self and my greatest abundance.
I have nothing but gratitude for the freedom and joy sobriety has brought.
I wish you well and if you’re seeking advice, mine would be to embrace sobriety and see for yourself.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
Why drink at all? Alcohol is not adding anything positive to your life, and it sounds like alcohol is soon going to start subtracting things from your life.
over the weekend just gone it led to a situation that has jeopardised my career and may end my marriage.
If you start losing stuff you value in life, the odds of you drinking to feel better will probably increase.
I'm a 35yo husband and father of two very little ones
Your relationship with them will change if your marriage ends.
I used to binge more often in my youth but as I've got older, I've been much better able to control it. It's just these really rare occasions that have such serious consequences that I'm not sure what to do about.
And I can tell you, that as you age your ability to control your drinking and recover from it will decrease. You are 35 now, it's going to be way different at 45. And at 55, certainly not any better.
Anyone else experienced this and found ways to beat it?
After a few decades of research I finally figured out how to control my drinking and all the negative consequences associated with it.
I quit drinking for just one day. Then the next day when I got up, I repeated that. I've done that about 3,000 times in a row now, and so far I'm pretty happy with the results.
over the weekend just gone it led to a situation that has jeopardised my career and may end my marriage.
If you start losing stuff you value in life, the odds of you drinking to feel better will probably increase.
I'm a 35yo husband and father of two very little ones
Your relationship with them will change if your marriage ends.
I used to binge more often in my youth but as I've got older, I've been much better able to control it. It's just these really rare occasions that have such serious consequences that I'm not sure what to do about.
And I can tell you, that as you age your ability to control your drinking and recover from it will decrease. You are 35 now, it's going to be way different at 45. And at 55, certainly not any better.
Anyone else experienced this and found ways to beat it?
After a few decades of research I finally figured out how to control my drinking and all the negative consequences associated with it.
I quit drinking for just one day. Then the next day when I got up, I repeated that. I've done that about 3,000 times in a row now, and so far I'm pretty happy with the results.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,908
Welcome! The most resonant thing I’ve heard on this subject is that there is no third door. The options are drinking (too much) or not drinking. Once you’ve lost control and it sounds like you have even if there are many “controlled” days in between, alcohol always wins. I’m not saying I’ll succeed in staying sober forever. Just that I know who wears the pants in my relationship with alcohol so I’d like to walk away forever. There’s not really a healthy way to keep the precious little beast in your life. There just is no third door/option. What do you have to lose by quitting?
Zebra your post is awesome by the way!
Zebra your post is awesome by the way!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Welcome TT,
Sorry to hear of what brings you to a recovery forum. Your post is well written which suggests to me you're educated and intelligent. So I will just point out some logic to this situation. Someone that doesn't have a problem with drinking doesn't search for a solution to a non-existing problem.
I consider myself an alcoholic because once I start drinking I crave another and another and another and another and another, you get my drift.
Good luck TT
Sorry to hear of what brings you to a recovery forum. Your post is well written which suggests to me you're educated and intelligent. So I will just point out some logic to this situation. Someone that doesn't have a problem with drinking doesn't search for a solution to a non-existing problem.
I consider myself an alcoholic because once I start drinking I crave another and another and another and another and another, you get my drift.
Good luck TT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 3
Thank you everyone for your suggestions, though there's no need to pluralise that: there's clearly only one suggestion, which suggests one solution. Abstinence wins the day!
I really appreciate the thought you've put into replying to help me, and in return I hope one day to pay that forward.
TT
I really appreciate the thought you've put into replying to help me, and in return I hope one day to pay that forward.
TT
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
I could have written what you did. The insanity of trying to micromanage how much on which days and what if I say I can have one but drink 3. I can't keep the promises I make to myself. I always violate whatever guidelines or parameters I put around drinking. The only fix I've found is not having the first drink.
Honestly the hardest part about stopping is my job which requires me to take customers to bars. That required me to come up with rehearsed excuses for why I don't drink.
Honestly the hardest part about stopping is my job which requires me to take customers to bars. That required me to come up with rehearsed excuses for why I don't drink.
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