Byenia

Hello all,

Am glad to have found this forum and looking forward to reading more of the content available here. This is my first time signing up for an addiction recovery-related forum, but I figure it would be good for me to reach out and interact with others in similar circumstances.

As for me, I made up my mind to stop drinking in June 2017 and have proven successful at staying away from alcohol except for one mini "relapse" a week ago, which only served to remind me why I hate drinking these days. All pain and no gain. So, I'm back to my plan of keeping alcohol out of my mouth and remain confident in my ability to stick to my conviction well into the foreseeable future.

Currently am 36 years old and developed problems with drinking over time, though I doubt I ever had a particularly healthy relationship with alcohol. Am the type who won't stop at just a couple drinks, or if I do one night I certainly won't remain moderate in days that follow. Didn't hit full-on rock bottom, but got close enough in terms of screwing up relationships and wasting money and feeling awful and guilty and taking numerous risks over the years. Not proud of that progressively-declining time in my life. And drinking certainly doesn't improve feelings of depression either.

So, that's where I'm at currently. Looking forward to reading more from all of you on here.

Thanks,

Byenia

Dee74

Welcome to SR Byenia - great to have you here

D

VikingGF

Welcome, Byenia!

We are so glad to have you join us and congrats on your sober time. It's fantastic that you're moving forward on your sober journey, and by coming here and reading and posting, you will find very sound support.

Keep us posted on how you're doing- and come join us over on the 24 hour thread or join the class of February thread. It's a great way to feel part of the community relatively quickly.

All the best!

Poppy79

I could have written your post. Same boat and all. It’s great that you realise drinking is toxic to people like us who cannot moderate. And kudos to you for stopping without any sort of assistance like aa or rehab. I am envious of people like you, I am about to take a ‘vacation’ from my life and learn how to adult without my alcohol crutch.
You got this welcome to SR, it’s a place that has helped me tremendously.

Byenia

Thanks for the welcoming replies.

Poppy79: Lots of folks told me I'd need to go to AA or at least an addiction therapist, but perhaps I'm stubborn. My grandfather stopped drinking cold turkey without the aid of such programs (at age 50), so I figured I could as well. Guess things got bad enough (in terms of events around that time) to where I became angry enough at myself and this addiction and the barscene as a whole to where that emotional intensity propelled me away from that lifestyle. But I had been wanting to quit for a couple years already. It all just wasn't worth it, and I was around too many problematic people in that scene. Didn't like who I became when drunk, and it was a matter of time before I ran someone over or got arrested and lost my license. My non-drinking-problem friends consider me very lucky after all these years. And, quite frankly, I am. Eerily so...

Damaged plenty else though, like my last relationship. Embarrassed myself in countless ways out in public too. Amazing the power of alcohol addiction. To think I used to believe I could control it. Found it easier to go cold turkey than to attempt to moderate it.

Stronger2017

Welcome to SR byenia🙂 I’m really glad you’ve joined us. I cannot moderate either.

Poppy79

And yet you have stopped on your own per say without outside help. That is something to be very proud of. I tried countless times and just couldn’t. I’m obviously further down the rabbit hole than you, let me tell you, it’s no fun down here. And I haven’t even gotten to the bottom yet so to speak.
I’m proud of myself that I am being pro active in my recovery. I have thoughts of ‘I’m not worth it’ but then instantly I get another thought ‘hey, stop with the self sabotage, don’t be ashamed to seek help’
We are both worth it. As is everyone who visits this site. Props to us for trying.
Never quit quitting 😊

Hevyn

Welcome to you, Byenia! Congrats on your sober time.

You're absolutely right about what was likely to happen if you'd kept going. I know, because it all happened to me - dui's, out-of-character/dangerous behavior, health issues, financial disaster, etc. I'm glad you stopped when you did - you've saved yourself so much misery.

Byenia

Thanks for the welcomes.

Poppy79: Sorry if my previous comment may have seemed somewhat haughty. That was certainly not my intention. Just trying my best to keep this ship afloat one day at a time, like anybody else. Won't claim to have much figured out, other than that I can't stand that lifestyle and am feeling better about a future beyond it.

There's a youtuber named Kevin O'Hara with the channel AlcoholMasteryTV. I found his videos very helpful and watched countless hours of him talking during my first month sober, and I really do think his perspective helped me a great deal. So no, we don't do this completely alone. Just different sources we may look to for help is all.

For the record, I don't rule out AA or a therapist completely and will turn to them if it feels necessary in the future.

Byenia

Sorry you went through all that, Hevyn. I've known a bunch of people who have as well and it is terrifying to think about. Glad you're doing better now.

TheToddman

Byenia,

Welcome.

The narrative you've described is so completely familiar. This is a great group of people who really understand what you're dealing with. Keep posting and let us know how your sober journey is going.

All the best

T.