UPDATE! What is going on ?

Old 02-01-2018, 07:55 AM
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UPDATE! What is going on ?

UPDATE: Early this morning at around 2:45 AM, I received a call from an unknown number. I answered. And it was my ex. He said "Oh, so you want to act like you're sleeping now?" and I honestly had no idea what he was talking about. Then a Deputy gets on the phone and starts telling me that he was giving me a notice that I was no longer welcome at my ex's home. I kept telling him that I had been asleep and had not been there. I told him I had not called, text, or seen him. And that he was drunk. Also, my last date of contact was last Sunday. The deputy kept replying that he wasn't saying I had been there or not. But he was putting me on an "official notice". Let me clear, I have had 0 contact with my ex. No calls, texts, nothing. Nothing, I have no idea what he is talking about! 15 minutes later, my ex called back and when I answered he said it was an accident! I just hung up. No words. No convo, no nothing. What in the heck is going on? I just assumed he would go away when I no longer contacted him at all. Not even about my stuff! I was at home in bed. Sleeping at the hour! I then had to take 2 hours off of work to talk to the police and let them know and prove to them that I was NOT there. Or close at the time! I was at my home. In bed. They told me he said I was parked across the street from his house. I am FINE with it being over. Really! Why is he doing this? Why can't he just leave me alone?
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Old 02-01-2018, 07:59 AM
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Maybe it would be a good idea to not answer your phone in the middle of the night?

I know that I don't. I don't have kids, so there is NO ONE who I am worried enough about that I would take a call from them at 2:45AM, especially from an unknown number. I leave my phone on mute, in another room, when I am sleeping.

And honestly, if you weren't near this guy when he said you were, then I would just ignore the whole thing. He would need some kind of proof -- photo or video, or the police would need to see you there, in order for him to be able to make it stick in court.

Either he's trying to make drama, or you're not leaving him alone. In either case, no contact and minding your own business is the best solution.
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Old 02-01-2018, 08:02 AM
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Wow. What a nut.
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Old 02-01-2018, 08:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Needabreak View Post
Either he's trying to make drama, or you're not leaving him alone. In either case, no contact and minding your own business is the best solution.
I assure you, that have had not had any contact with him. I have left him completely alone. It has been crickets on my end. I have a ton of family. And there is no telling who may need me at any hour. I have a grandma who has dementia who only I can calm down, and 4 siblings. I have had to pick people up, rescue people, change tires at any hour. I am not doing anything to him. He is left completely alone.
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Old 02-01-2018, 08:27 AM
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And let me be clear, I could PROVE that I wasn't there. My car has a gps tracker on it. I absolutely wasn't there. Not even close! I thought I was crazy and checked my gps to be sure I wasn't sleep driving! Why is he doing this to me?!?!
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Old 02-01-2018, 08:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Lostnconfu View Post
I have a grandma who has dementia who only I can calm down, and 4 siblings. I have had to pick people up, rescue people, change tires at any hour.
Rescue people? Change tires for people in the middle of the night? I suggest reading "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie, for some insight into this rescuing behavior. Why one would rescue adults and be available to change their tires for them in the middle of the night is beyond me.

Well, not really beyond me -- I used to have an addict in my life too. But i came to realize that rescuing people was best left to others -- I have better things to do.

At any rate, it sounds like you have the proof that you need to exonerate yourself if he chooses to press charges. Let him continue to hear crickets. Eventually, if he jerks your chain and doesn't get a response, he will lose interest.
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Old 02-01-2018, 08:35 AM
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It's not about proving anything.

Maybe he saw a car. Maybe he thought it was you. He went nuts. He was delusional. You don't have to be.

Go for a walk. Get something to eat. Go about your day. Look for good things to enjoy throughout the day.

If you can't get beyond it, look into therapy or support groups. Being able to deal with annoyances is a very worthwhile life skill.
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Old 02-01-2018, 08:35 AM
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He's doing it to you because he probably has nothing better to do and creating drama is better than no drama. If you weren't there, then WHO cares? The police now know you weren't there.

Getting emotional and revved up is exactly what he wants. He's trying to poke you to get a reaction. Do not give him the satisfaction. Keep moving forward.
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Old 02-01-2018, 08:51 AM
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He is doing this because you went no contact. You did not give/have the response he thought you would when he hijacked your clothes and other belongings. He is trying to manipulate you and drive you crazy. You have two choices, get dragged into his BS or don't play along.

The cops could have easily swung by your place and felt the hood of your car to see if it was still warm, as it would have been had you been recently driving and not sleeping for hours like you told them.

He is irrational, don't try to rationalize anything he says or does, it's not possible.
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Old 02-01-2018, 09:11 AM
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Most people I have in my phone contacts and so don't come up as an unknown number. Cell phones have a do not disturb setting from which you can choose who can phone you between certain hours and the rest can wait. I have mine enabled between 10 pm and 8 am so my exah cannot drunk call. I have it so my kids still can. I'd never answer an unknown in the middle of the night. You know how addicted to drama he is. He doesn't need a reason. He's an alcoholic and is outside the norms. He's paranoid and probably actually believes you were sat outside his place. My exah accused me of robbing his place. He called the police. It turned out he hadn't noticed his son's had moved out to live with me ( after 3 weeks of them being gone) ..just their own stuff had gone. The police had a secret laugh but seriously there is no logic to how they think. Don't waste your brain on it.
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Old 02-01-2018, 09:19 AM
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Just about everything that has been said is true. I am going to keep being silent because there is nothing else to do. I get so irritated when I am being prodded with absolutely no instigation on my end. And for the record, I am NOT codependent on my family. At all. We are all very close. As I am the oldest of 5. My gma is like a second mom. So if I get a call that she needs me at any hour, I am there.
I just assumed he was done bothering me. As I have not said anything at all to him. Now I feel as if he's going to resurface every so often just to drop a little bit of effed-up-ness on my life. Sporadically. Whenever he feels like it. Jeez. I was
putting this all behind me.
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Old 02-01-2018, 09:27 AM
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Originally Posted by SmallButMighty View Post
He is doing this because you went no contact. You did not give/have the response he thought you would when he hijacked your clothes and other belongings. He is trying to manipulate you and drive you crazy. You have two choices, get dragged into his BS or don't play along..
I just thought that since I went NC and was silent, that he would go away. I no longer ask about my clothes or things. It's just stuff. I can get new things. I haven't said a single word since I called the police on Sunday morning. Not a peep. What gives? The police kept bouncing me around this morning until I insisted they send a unit so I could document that I had no contact with him and hadn't been near his home. It's like they were trying to make this hard. Why are they taking the word of a smelly drunk? So many questions I will never get an answer to.
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Old 02-01-2018, 09:50 AM
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I suggest you continue NOT interacting with him. He is a very unhealthy man.

As long as you don't break any laws you don't have anything to worry about with the police. If he keeps involving the police with bogus calls he will soon regret it, they don't appreciate that kind of stuff. If you are innocent and he has no proof of you being there you don't have anything to worry about. (Is there even any legal reason you aren't allowed to be on his street even if you had been?)
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Old 02-01-2018, 10:37 AM
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No. I could park across the street all night if I wanted to. It is a public street! I was NOT there and I'm sure he knows it. I feel like this is some desperate ploy to get attention as he called back "by mistake". My sister said the same thing though. She said to let him call the police. As many times as he would like. She said the burden of proof is on him as I absolutely have no contact with him. She said if he keeps doing this, they're going to realize that he is the issue. Not me. She told me to remember that alcoholics have to have someone to blame. And that since I am no longer there, that he can't hide his alcoholism behind me anymore. She said he will soon be exposed. To the police, his family, everyone.
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Old 02-01-2018, 10:41 AM
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let's roll this back a bit.....you were asleep. your phone rings at 2:45 in the morning. it's an unknown number. you ANSWER.

so if your ringer had been on silent, or better yet, phone turned OFF, your sleep would not have been interrupted. if in the future you do not answer UNKNOWN CALLER numbers, your peace and serenity would not be interrupted.

as for NO CONTACT, do not expect him or anyone else to respect your desire to go no contact. that is something YOU promote and support.
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Old 02-01-2018, 11:15 AM
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But he was putting me on an "official notice".

I then had to take 2 hours off of work to talk to the police and let them know and prove to them that I was NOT there

Why did you need to prove you weren't there? It all seems odd to me now I've read it back. Has your ex taken out a restraining order against you by any chance? It seems odd that a cop would be talking to you like that in the middle of the night if he hasn't.
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Old 02-01-2018, 11:33 AM
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII View Post
let's roll this back a bit.....you were asleep. your phone rings at 2:45 in the morning. it's an unknown number. you ANSWER.

so if your ringer had been on silent, or better yet, phone turned OFF, your sleep would not have been interrupted. if in the future you do not answer UNKNOWN CALLER numbers, your peace and serenity would not be interrupted.

as for NO CONTACT, do not expect him or anyone else to respect your desire to go no contact. that is something YOU promote and support.
I do NOT answer any calls from unknown numbers. If it's a darn emergency for someone, they will leave a message and I'll call them back.
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Old 02-01-2018, 11:34 AM
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If anything goes further with him trying to contact you, I would change my number. Period. Dot. End of sentence.
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Old 02-01-2018, 12:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Ladybird579 View Post
But he was putting me on an "official notice".

I then had to take 2 hours off of work to talk to the police and let them know and prove to them that I was NOT there

Why did you need to prove you weren't there? It all seems odd to me now I've read it back. Has your ex taken out a restraining order against you by any chance? It seems odd that a cop would be talking to you like that in the middle of the night if he hasn't.
I thought he had which is why I filed the report. For the officer to be yelling at me at 2:45, I had no clue. When I called the police and filed a report, the deputy looked it up. There is no restraining order at all. He said that if someone makes a report like that , they follow thru. He said he made a trespassing complaint. I was NOT there.
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Old 02-01-2018, 12:08 PM
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you are assuming the other VOICE was a police officer....have you considered it was just another buddy pulled into the game? that this is ALL a game to him? police don't CALL people and yell at them in the middle of the night. you've been played.................
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