Gem010918

Being an extreme introvert, the extrovert Mr. Bottle helped me get more talkative, outgoing and witty. He actually helped me make so many good friends and had a very busy social life despite the lows of drinking - hangovers, inability to remember what I said or did the night before, mood swings and hiding too many secrets.

Now I no longer have a sidekick, I find myself being very quiet and withdrawing from my social life. I am afraid that people will not embrace my TRUE self which is very shy, sensitive and anxious one. If I go to parties these days, I will likely to sit in a corner trying hard not to over-eat or drink any alchy so I could feel witty.

I feel like I have to reinvent myself. I often thought of Mr. Bottle in the past 23 days thinking that it would help me open up more, etc but I don't dare to open the Pandora Box.

Does this mean I need to learn how to love myself and will have to accept that it is ME and give up on trying to change myself? It is not so much about quitting alcohol but also embracing my authentic self that I have tried to destroy for years and years.

Thoughts?

doggonecarl

You may very well have an introverted personality. However, if alcohol made you more social, it's because those qualities--talkative, outgoing, witty--were already within you. You can access them without booze.

Or you can sit quietly in a corner and say, "Here is me, accepting my authentic self..."

Self love is fine. Love yourself enough to overcome the anxiety and fear of worrying what other people think.

CRRHCC

As with any hurt, habit or hangup, we need to look at ourselves from the inside - out. In other words, why do we drink or drug, or behave in certain ways? Understanding the root cause of our behavior, provides an ideal pathway toward understanding ourselves altogether. What all humans really seek is a sense of control. What we really seek is not a drink, a drug, porn or a bet, but a sense of empowerment, in the face of feeling helpless and powerless. Empower yourself by being the best you can be. It's easier to go for the quick fix or mood changer but with practice, you won't need substances. Of course this is easier said than done. You don't need to reinvent yourself, just be yourself. Discover what you really value in life. Values and purpose are the main navigational tools in life.

Dustitoffman

Hi Gem
We have all walked the walk or danced the dance with alcohol for far too long.
Any chemical that changes our behaviour stops us from showing our true self.
Only with sobriety and time will you see where this takes you.

Oh by the way there is nothing wrong with being quiet and attentive, I have met people who are the complete opposite motoring on about who knows what until people just walk away because there ears ache!

2ndhandrose

I am an introvert who became an extrovert while drinking.

In the past 3 years sober, I am slowly getting to know the real me. An introvert with a very rich inner life

I don't have any interest in going to a party as I find that one on one is the best way for me to interact with people.

Any situation that would require me to be drinking in order to fit in or feel comfortable is just not for me anymore.

I would much prefer to honour and nurture my true self.

You are in the early days, give yourself time, get to know your true self

Anna

I also am an introvert and began to feel much less social when I stopped drinking. At first, I was a bit dismayed, but I soon began to embrace the real me. After all, that's what it's all about.

I loved this book: Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts
by Susan Cain

TheToddman

Every time I've take the Myers-Briggs personality indicator I've scored around 98% introversion. Most here at SR would wager that my post count says otherwise

Alcohol wasn't just a means for escape and coping with stress for me but also a huge social lubricant. This of course resulted in some burned bridges and the like (won't go into detail here!) As I've become sober I've realized that although self-acceptance and awareness (my strengths and weaknesses) are paramount in growth as a recovering individual I do need to grow personally. This doesn't necessarily mean reinvention but pushing some boundaries of discomfort to become who I was really meant to be. For me that meant trying to engage more in my day-to-day world. Trying small talk (a huge challenge for me!) would be an example; developing and enhancing emotional/social intelligence my goal...as opposed to forcing myself to attend every event or party. But I digress and ramble

Excellent thread and belated welcome!

T.

Dee74

I don't see accepting myself and continuing to try and improve myself as different things - to me it's all part of the same drive for peace, love and happiness

There's things about myself I'm stuck with - like my disability (I have cerebral palsy) and then there's things I can change about myself -like my attitude to that disability

Likewise, I've accepted I'm not a garrulous or particularly social person - but I do have a good group of close friends who I see regularly.

Hope that makes sense.

D

wayforward

This is a totally common thing, Gem. It's something I've experienced and something I've seen repeatedly talked about on this board in the very short time I've been here.

The reality is that some of us are just going to have to put our sober selves out there and practice socializing until we're comfortable again. There WILL be a period of time where it feels awkward and anxieties are high, but it's better to face it and get through it now than to never develop the skill and want to grab for a drink a few months down the road when we're feeling nervous, right?

MindfulMan

I have the opposite problem. I am a total extrovert and have gotten even more chatty since i got sober to the point that i have to hold back. I feel so present and conversations are more authentic.

fhl41

I know what its like as I am an introvert as well, I found when I got sober a couple years ago it was excruciating to have conversations at gatherings especially if there was alcohol because i didn't have my crutch. As time went on though, I found it slightly easier and because I was feeling more confident about myself, my true self started to emerge and i was better able to converse with others with my authentic self and it was amazing. Unfortunately I fell off the wagon this past year and slowly I am feeling less great about myself but I remembered how much I grew and how much better I felt about myself so I have decided to quit drinking again.

ProfessorD

I feel like I've heard this happen to a lot of sober folks. Maybe you can think of it as a new opportunity to learn who you are and how you best connect with and give back to the world around you from a place of calmness and quietness. You are like a butterfly who has just hatched!

Yad2LohoclaOn

Welcome Gem! Another clansman of introvertedness (I don’t think that’s a word, lol!). I also can be a little extroverted, but then I emotionally and physically get tired and have to withdraw, if that makes sense.

Alcohol was my lubricant too. I find that if I have to go to a party or function with people I don’t know well, I arrive late and hold a sprite and lime in my hand. Arriving late gives everybody a chance to lubricate themselves. I have found that drinking peeps tend to become very self-centered and then when I get there, most buzzed/drunk people are unaware of their actions and couldn’t care less about anything other than laughing and having a good time. It somehow takes the pressure off of me psychologically and I have a great time laughing and having a good time. Aaaaaaand, I get to drive home sober and hangover free.

Back asswards? Maybe, but it allowed me to get out of my head and practice my social skills until I was able to arrive on time and be self assured (did that during my previous 11 years of sobriety before this relapse).

Keep Pandora’s box closed. Love yourself for who you are and think about where you’d like to be sober. Oh, and keep coming back to the supportive family here while on your journey of discovery.

markinny

I too am/was an introvert because of my addictions. I still am but have worked hard at trying to become more social in a healthy way.

this thread for some reason reminds of something that I found near my bottom around a yr. and a half ago that I still return to when I needed a reality check.

it's a short story that had a big impact on me because I saw a lot of myself in Charlie and I believe many here can see at least a bit of themselves in Charlie as well.

if interested...google..the brown bottle by penny lane-alcoholics anonymous. no doubt the older members have seen it but I thought it might be a good read for the newcombers.

shortstop81

Hi Gem - I know for me, I was a lot more extroverted when I was drinking. And then in between my drunks I was a far more introverted, anxious and self-conscious person, and in early sobriety I was much the same way.

Once I had some sober time under my belt I felt more like my 'true' personality began to creep out - I slowly became a much more outgoing, witty person because a lot of my anxiety was beginning to melt away.

I would never call myself an extrovert, or extremely social. But it took some time for my personality to start to peek through, after the haze of early recovery.

I'm not sure where you are in your recovery journey, but give it some time. And I second what Dee said about the inclusiveness of self-acceptance and desire to improve.