Disappointed

Yesterday I let myself be sucked in again by my AH. Yesterday was his 45th birthday and he took the day off from work. He asked me to take the afternoon off from work so we could spend the day together. We was going to go to a couple of Harley shops, just to look around. He said that he wanted to leave by 12:00 so I left work at 11:30. I got home and he was in one of his moods. We didn't leave until 1:00, as we were on our way he said he wasn't in the mood to go on our little trip. So I said fine, what do you want to do, he said I don't feel like doing anything. We went out for lunch and it took him for ever to decide what he wanted to eat, he just sat there and kept saying he just didn't know what he wanted. I just kept looking at him and wondering how someone could be so miserable.. I couldn't enjoy my lunch. When he is down, he does everything he can to bring you down too. I asked him why he didn't call and let me know that he wasn't in the mood to do anything with me and I would have stayed at work? He didn't give me an answer. I think since he was feeling sorry for himself and miserable, he wanted me to be miserable. I just used another 1/2 vacation day for nothing. He decided he wanted to go to a local bar, so I went with him, (I know a CODIE) I left him there because I had to go deliver my Mother's medication. I ended up locking my keys in my vehicle and had to call a wrecker service. When I finally got back to the bar he was pretty well on his way of being drunk. I sat there and listened to him whining about his life, his job and how depressed he was. One of his friends told him he should get on an anti-depressant, he told him if he got on those he would have to give up drinking and he wasn't going to do that. He told me last night that the alcohol was his first and second love...

Dee at Mt Bully

can't say I havn't been there. Don't you wish after that you could have just left him there. I'm really sorry that he drug you into his misery. Since you know Cody I
won't mention it. I'll just say one day at a time and my own addition one lesson at
a time. I hope today is a much better day for you. Smiles---Dee

Cadence57

Hi Disappointed,
Being told that you are less important than the booze must really hurt. I mean, I guess we all know it, on some level, but (thank God) my (now ex) never actually SAID those words to me -- I would have been crushed.
****{Hugs}}}

gelfling

Damn, what a kick in the ass. Booze is his first and second love. Guess you know where that puts you!!!

Meetings, meetings, and more meetings. Literature, books and a possible sponsor. You definitely need to start your recovery and get your life back.

Hugs to you girlfriend, Kathy

Blondie

The old saying goes: Misery seeks company. You are probably right in that he wanted you to be miserable to and he wanted you to listen to his whining. It stinks doesn't it. It's your birthday and you take a half of a vacation day to spend with him and he ruins things for you. My AH is SO good at doing that too (every holiday and everybody else's birthday). He acts like he doesn't want any attention to go to anyone else and that the center of the universe has to ALWAYS be him, him, him.

I'm with Gelfling. Have you tried al-anon? Working the program can help you focus on your needs and help you get your life back.

Disappointed

Blondie,
It was his birthday but it really doesn't matter anymore. The dreaded holidays are coming and I wish he would just go away so we could enjoy them. He is so miserable and feels so sorry for himself during holidays. He didn't have a very good childhood, his father was never there for him "an alcoholic" his mother had her hands full raising six kids by herself, she did the best she could. He doesn't have much to do with his mother now, his father is deceased. Alot of people have bad childhoods but you just have to let it go. I have tried going to meetings but I wasn't very comfortable being there. Since I have been venting in this program I have found myself coming to terms with his problem and my trying to become more detached. I know I am not alone in this...