Kejun

With the choice to give up booze and the ex giving up on me (causing the former) I find myself feeling pretty alone.

Trying to keep busy but there is no possible way to fill every hour right?

Never wish your life away but bring on May or something :S

JJ991

I'm sorry you feel so alone. Can you find something really absorbing to occupy your mind? When my mind starts telling me all sorts of rubbish ("I can't cope", "you have no friends" etc) I tell it politely to be quiet and do something to quieten it down.

Have you got any hobbies? Fancy a new hobby? Work/voluntary work?

Numblady

Definitely seek professional help if you feel this way. But as far as feeling alone you are in the right place. Everyone here will be rooting for you as you make positive changes. And you have the whole Internet too! IMHO there are amazing websites from people in recovery. And cool podcasts. And then when you get tired of that you can come back to SR!

It sounds like the break up and the the aftermath of the drinking habit are causing you so much pain. I am very sorry. I know drinking won’t help it though. We are here for you! You are not alone.

Kejun

It is still early days and I know time heals - so long as I make use of that time in positive ways.

Im running every morning, eating healthier than ever, getting out in the sun, working, friends - sort of. I do communicate but because I was previously consumed by the ex and the drink, it is not normal for me to hang out with any on a weeknight.

Volunteering - I intend to do something about that this coming weekend, the local volunteering 'branch' does not open until February for new volunteers (dont know why), but I will certainly be looking into this.

End of Feb Im joining a dodgeball team as well. Should be fun

Rar

"Never wish your life away but bring on May or something"

Sometimes I find myself thinking that I wish time would go by quicker. I'm only 3 weeks in, but then I thought to myself, "Geez! I'm 68 years old. I can't be wishing that!" So now, I'm concentrating on each day as a gift." Time will go by quick enough.

soberandhonest

Hi Kejun. Sorry you are feeling this way. Since you seem to be in to fitness, take a look around at some local smaller cross-fit gyms or something similar. My significant other became a member about a year ago and I have been really amazed at the friendships she has developed through it. There are folks from all walks of life who are simply united in self-improvement and they do a ton of different activities together. You probably have to find the right gym, but there are a lot out there and you might find them really helpful in developing some new, healthy relationships.

Kejun

Crossfit is something I have never tried, therefore I cant really commend or knock it!

Why not! I will look into it and see what comes of it

Great tip SnH thanks

Hevyn

I'm glad you posted, Kejun. You do sound a bit brighter than you did earlier. You're never alone.

Dee74

I spent a lot of time here helping others kejun.
Turns out I had a good grasp of what to do, I just had to apply it to myself

D

Kejun

It is great to feel support from you guys.

So accustomed to letting people down that I am almost cautious or hesitant to read words of positivity directed my way. Similar to many (I presume), having made the partner leave when you fully expected sharing life with that person really makes you doubt yourself.

Hevyn - yes, I guess there are just times in the evening when I was accustomed to drinking and/or hanging with the ex. Its taking time but ... ofcourse it is.

Dee - hehe yes, I can relate to your post, in fact every one of your posts I have read contain words of wisdom. Thank you.

Day 12 today

Kejun

I am again sinking down into a low.

Really feeling confused by the actions of my ex today. It isnt an original story, of that I am under no illusion, but if someone could please try to just explain (with the basic knowledge I will provide) what the hell?!

We were great. Awesome. Spent new years with myself and the family, she flew back west and me back to Sydney. She didnt like me drinking and I dont know why but I would get drunk and call her and get upset emotional as. I would say stuff like "One day Im going to let you down".

The day after one of these phone calls she decides she cant do it anymore and that she had given me enough warnings and ends us over the phone thousands of miles apart.

Im sent back to the west and see her, no love in her eyes. How can the love vanish for her like that? I know there is a proportion of partners who have 'checked out' emotionally way before the ending stage, but two and a bit weeks after we last saw one another and madly in love?

Saw her last 8 days ago and after her telling me its over, went no contact. Found she blocked me on facebook sunday when I havent been trying to contact her.

I do love and miss her desperately and know that my priority is getting off the booze for good but I just want answers. Answers as to what the f*ck allows her to move on and leave me behind so quickly? I did not do anything so terrible to warrant this treatment.

Im angry, sad, confused ... sober.

least

But her perception of you is obviously different than your perception of yourself.

I would urge you to stay sober and focus on your recovery. Stay sober and let things unfold as they will.

Kejun

least - thank you. So true. It hasnt even been two weeks sober or since the breakup. I know I am being impatient and coupled with hurting and time on my hands it has led to my post.

Working on me is all I can do and all I should do.

Dee74

Hi Kejun - I burned through not one but two relationships.

In hindsight I see that them walking away was not a sudden thing, not was it a betrayal...they just couldn't stand anymore.

It must have been like watching me smack my head against a brick wall over and over.

It doesn't mean that you or I are bad people,. but it's a terrible weight to put on someone when our main allegiance is to our addiction.

I made up with one partner but the other is lost to me.

I hope in time you'll have some closure, and perhaps even some reconcilliation.

Its a tough lesson but thats exactly it.

I'm happy now and so are they by all accounts. That's a good outcome.

. D

Kejun

Couldn't stand anymore I think sums it up for her.

I am resigned to the truth she left once last year, she was adamant she would not be back. There wont be a third time.

Feeling better than earlier. This rollercoaster sucks.

Dee74

You're not alone tho Kejun - we understand here

D

Berrybean

Have you considered trying some AA meetings? It would help with the isolation, and also help you to develop some new ways of dealing with sobriety, and ways of looking at things.

BB

Ken0331

Last week I shared in my home group (AA) that I was so damn grateful to have the program, and the meetings. I never have to be alone again.


Kejun, I was married for 14 years when my ex-wife left. I had buried the dog we adopted the 1st year of our marriage only 2 weeks prior - I'm holding him there in my picture. We had a "shared custody" agreement with the other dog, but I found out the weekend she moved out of the house she was never intending to honor that.

Went from two dogs and an angry, heartbroken wife to nothing in a matter of a couple weeks. THAT was lonely.


I'm so damn grateful for the fellowship and program of AA.

Go try it; you've got nothing to lose but another winter's evening spent in isolation.

Kejun

Thank you for the responses!

I did attend some meetings at the end of last year and it did help, but I got to the point after four/five meetings at the same location (in all I went to perhaps five different locations and visited each about 4/5 times), the stories and the faces were the same. I found it hard to envisage going back to hear the same stories time and time again.

I realise this sounds ungrateful and perhaps it is, but I feel that the program worked for me but as a continual method of sobriety - maybe not. That said, every little helps. I will look into meetings again.

Ken - it is the middle of summer down under

Ken0331

Summer down under, huh?

Well then that's even more pathetic. It's 0 degree Celsius here at my house right now. I'm just going to have to get a passport, get on a plane and hang with you for a few months.


I always was a sucker for a gal from Oz. It's the accent.