Letting Go ~The Journey for your Life
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Letting Go ~The Journey for your Life
I am repeating something I posted years ago on another thread. Ev en after years of recovery and bringing my life to a very good place, there are lessons I still learn from this and hope it brings some light into the lives here. Enjoy.
Letting Go: The Journey for your Life
Letting Go
By Barry Elwin-Jones
WHAT IS LETTING GO?
Letting go can be the most terrifying experience we can have. Letting go means having no support mechanism for our egos. Put simply, when we let go, we trust that everything is going to work out in our best interest even when we are in the middle of an experience that screams out to us to hang on.
Our life flows from within. Life is not a series of unrelated cosmic accidents waiting to happen. The holes we fall into were dug by us at an earlier time, we just did not realize we were digging them. Our thoughts, words and actions were creating our future experiences while we were thinking, speaking, and doing them. You created your current experience.
WHAT IS THERE TO LET GO OF?
We can let go of all the judgment, of fixing other people's problems, of manipulating and controlling people's lives close to us, and forcing our lives to go in directions that our logical minds tells us they must go. We can let go of the need to keep arranging things in our physical world so that we can be happy. We can stop reacting to thoughts and emotions with fear.
Fear alone is responsible for us not wanting to let go of what we term "our lives." We infuriate our teenagers by constantly checking about their homework and other items in their lives that they are more than capable to deal with. The biggest package to let go of is our concepts about everything. We hold concepts about the way things are, and then have expectations around those concepts--talk about a recipe for disaster. We do not know what is going on, and we have little or no knowledge of the best result for everyone, yet we base our happiness on an expected outcome. These things and more are involved in "hanging on."
FEAR OF LETTING GO
To let go is to let go of our fear. Fear is the mother of anger, intolerance, greed, arrogance, selfishness, egotistical behavior, self-centeredness and a host of other undesirable traits. We don't want these traits in our lives because the behavior that springs from these traits separates us from our light. As we involve ourselves in these fearful behavior patterns, we know that we are dishonoring ourselves and the other person, and this hurts us greatly. When we allow fear to take hold, we will lash out even more in our defense to hide our pain and dishonoring of self. Courage and strength are needed to let go, and you can do it. It is not necessary to do it in one go, you can take away pieces of who you are not, and let them go gradually. You're in charge.
WE NEED TO BE A VICTIM FIRST
In early stages of personal growth we are not open to other ideas or concepts. We are generally resistant to ideas such as "Why did you bring this into your life?" Or friends who say, "You will be fine, stop worrying about it." We find it infuriating and it appears to us as if they don't care or really understand the way we feel.
Chronic body pain represents a part of us that is screaming out for attention. Pain, frustration and anger are common. "People just don't understand what I am going through" is a common remark. We come back and visit this victim stage regularly. We are totally absorbed in our misery, and anyone who tries to shake us out of it is in for a tough time. At this stage we want sympathy, not helpful suggestions. We are busy dumping blame on others for our pain and suffering. "Oh me, oh my, poor little me. No matter what I do or how I organize my life, someone always screws it up," we say. The tighter we hang, the greater the pain. The more we organize others' lives, the greater the frustration from unfulfilled expectations. Do you think God is trying to tell us something?
GIVING UP AND LETTING GO
Letting go conjures up images of lack of control, being lost, getting left behind, loneliness, financial ruin. This free fall state appears to offer nothing but fear and disaster. The ego has always instructed us that striving and achievement is everything. Letting go can only result in a fall with devastating results. After all, no self-responsible human being does that sort of thing. So we need to hang on, white knuckled and teeth clenched, in order to appear normal, while we smile through our frozen faces and staring eyes to make others feel comfortable as we conform to their expectations. This insanity is perpetuated each generation until we just let go.
THE LETTING GO EXPERIENCE
Sooner or later, we become so tired of hanging on to our misery that we just give up. Asking around, we find many offers of help come to us from varied sources. We have opened the door. Hanging on takes inordinate amounts of energy; we become very tired propping up the image we wish to portray. We simultaneously suppress our emotions, and eventually the load just gets too heavy to carry. Sooner or later we must put our burden down.
The letting go experience becomes like a free fall, like trust exercises of falling backwards into other people's waiting arms. Momentarily there is fear and total lack of control, but then helpful and safe hands support us as we land, dispelling our unwarranted fears. We pass through this door many times on our healing journey as our egos struggle for control through fear.
As the fear and stress of hanging on subsides after letting go, the pain and misery also abates as we see we are not alone. There is an improvement in outlook immediately.
AN EXAMPLE
Some years ago when I decided to let go, I left to go around Australia in a 20-year-old car and a tent with just enough money to reach my first destination. For the next two years I traveled continuously, giving workshops and living in my tent. At 54 years of age, the experience was filled with fear. As I let go, my life became magical. So can yours, and you don't have to live in a tent.
WHY HANG ON?
We have so much difficulty hanging on and it causes us so much pain and disappointment that you would think we would be anxious to change, but we steadfastly refuse to see the common sense in letting go. Instead we see the fear and let it block our path to freedom. We resist letting go of our concepts about the way things are or should be, just to keep our egos happy. We push our children to perform and excel just to please our egos. We insist that our partners walk, talk and act in ways to please us, so we can be happy. The expectations we put on our partners and children are ours alone and we reap the consequences. We expect them to act, speak and think the way we do for our own sakes. If we really loved them, we would accept everything they say and do as necessary for them and honor their pathways home as we expect them to honor ours.
The greatest gift we can give our partners is to cut them free of our expectations. In this single action, we free ourselves to experience happiness in our relationships.
Everything we see in this creation needs changing, according to us. If we see a forest, we believe that a car park would be more useful. Then after a few years, we believe we should grow trees on the car park, forgetting that there were trees there in the first place. After we get our family under control, we then have the arrogance to tell our older and wiser parents how to live out the rest of their lives. By the time we start on our friends' behavior, our children have rebelled, our partner has left us and our worlds start to wobble.
Stand by for the stress, pain, nervous breakdowns, physical illnesses and all of the other symptoms hanging on and perceived failure brings. Our fingernails start to splinter and break as control slips through them. We blame everyone else for our unhappiness, when all we need to do is LET GO.
REACTIONS TO LETTING GO
When we eventually let go, sometimes all hell breaks loose, sometimes we become sicker than ever before. Deeply hidden issues surface like dragons from the past, threatening to eat us alive. Our "normal" life activities are turned on their heads and unreal feelings of panic spread through us, telling us we should have left well enough alone. Friends judge us and walk out of our lives. Guilt raises its head and blames us for upsetting and destroying others' lives.
The day-to-day comfort zone has been shattered and the winds of change are blowing. The winds blow into corners that have not seen light for many lifetimes, and the pain can be almost unbearable. We find our greatest fears are unfounded as we let go to the Light. Hanging on causes our distress; freedom is already ours, we just need to let it be there.
The Universe is shifting to meet our newly embraced reality. We still have the same body, the same soul, but our thinking has changed, and therefore so must our reality change. The Universe must accommodate us with every change of mind, that is universal law.
THE RIVER OF LIFE
During all of these crazy activities that we think are essential to our happiness, we block the flow of life from our God center. Our future experiences vibrate to the same confusion that we are creating in our fearful hanging on state in the now. We just do not allow what is best for us to come into our lives. By continuing to create confusing karma with our minds, we ensure our future will be the same.
There is a divine energy that flows from within. This is the river of life that flows from our hearts. The river is gold and silver, pure and radiant, a light vibration of the highest frequency. This light is the Christ, the highest vibration possible that we can radiate on this plane of existence. When this river of life flows uninterrupted, our lives become perfect and in harmony with the Creator's intention.
Letting go is plunging into this flow without thoughts of a fearful nature and trusting that lifetimes of fear will be reversed and perfection manifested our lives. However, this does not happen to our timetable, but to the Creator's timing. First we must deal with the self-made creations already in our lives before we feel the major effects of the divine. Letting go has to happen first in order that the Greater can come in. Depending on our past experiences and reactions to those situations, we may have created such beautiful karma that life is a continuous blissful state. Then again, it may not be.
NOT RESISTING
Letting go is acknowledging that there is a greater power that flows through us that has our best interest at heart. Without any effort on our parts, we can let go to this power and allow. By not resisting, we can let our lives flow like a river from our hearts, making room in our lives for everything that needs to be there and allowing other things to pass by and move on. The joy of life is in the standing still and allowing. We discover that peace comes in when we cease to struggle. When we know we are in a dream, everything can be released.
Letting Go: The Journey for your Life
Letting Go
By Barry Elwin-Jones
WHAT IS LETTING GO?
Letting go can be the most terrifying experience we can have. Letting go means having no support mechanism for our egos. Put simply, when we let go, we trust that everything is going to work out in our best interest even when we are in the middle of an experience that screams out to us to hang on.
Our life flows from within. Life is not a series of unrelated cosmic accidents waiting to happen. The holes we fall into were dug by us at an earlier time, we just did not realize we were digging them. Our thoughts, words and actions were creating our future experiences while we were thinking, speaking, and doing them. You created your current experience.
WHAT IS THERE TO LET GO OF?
We can let go of all the judgment, of fixing other people's problems, of manipulating and controlling people's lives close to us, and forcing our lives to go in directions that our logical minds tells us they must go. We can let go of the need to keep arranging things in our physical world so that we can be happy. We can stop reacting to thoughts and emotions with fear.
Fear alone is responsible for us not wanting to let go of what we term "our lives." We infuriate our teenagers by constantly checking about their homework and other items in their lives that they are more than capable to deal with. The biggest package to let go of is our concepts about everything. We hold concepts about the way things are, and then have expectations around those concepts--talk about a recipe for disaster. We do not know what is going on, and we have little or no knowledge of the best result for everyone, yet we base our happiness on an expected outcome. These things and more are involved in "hanging on."
FEAR OF LETTING GO
To let go is to let go of our fear. Fear is the mother of anger, intolerance, greed, arrogance, selfishness, egotistical behavior, self-centeredness and a host of other undesirable traits. We don't want these traits in our lives because the behavior that springs from these traits separates us from our light. As we involve ourselves in these fearful behavior patterns, we know that we are dishonoring ourselves and the other person, and this hurts us greatly. When we allow fear to take hold, we will lash out even more in our defense to hide our pain and dishonoring of self. Courage and strength are needed to let go, and you can do it. It is not necessary to do it in one go, you can take away pieces of who you are not, and let them go gradually. You're in charge.
WE NEED TO BE A VICTIM FIRST
In early stages of personal growth we are not open to other ideas or concepts. We are generally resistant to ideas such as "Why did you bring this into your life?" Or friends who say, "You will be fine, stop worrying about it." We find it infuriating and it appears to us as if they don't care or really understand the way we feel.
Chronic body pain represents a part of us that is screaming out for attention. Pain, frustration and anger are common. "People just don't understand what I am going through" is a common remark. We come back and visit this victim stage regularly. We are totally absorbed in our misery, and anyone who tries to shake us out of it is in for a tough time. At this stage we want sympathy, not helpful suggestions. We are busy dumping blame on others for our pain and suffering. "Oh me, oh my, poor little me. No matter what I do or how I organize my life, someone always screws it up," we say. The tighter we hang, the greater the pain. The more we organize others' lives, the greater the frustration from unfulfilled expectations. Do you think God is trying to tell us something?
GIVING UP AND LETTING GO
Letting go conjures up images of lack of control, being lost, getting left behind, loneliness, financial ruin. This free fall state appears to offer nothing but fear and disaster. The ego has always instructed us that striving and achievement is everything. Letting go can only result in a fall with devastating results. After all, no self-responsible human being does that sort of thing. So we need to hang on, white knuckled and teeth clenched, in order to appear normal, while we smile through our frozen faces and staring eyes to make others feel comfortable as we conform to their expectations. This insanity is perpetuated each generation until we just let go.
THE LETTING GO EXPERIENCE
Sooner or later, we become so tired of hanging on to our misery that we just give up. Asking around, we find many offers of help come to us from varied sources. We have opened the door. Hanging on takes inordinate amounts of energy; we become very tired propping up the image we wish to portray. We simultaneously suppress our emotions, and eventually the load just gets too heavy to carry. Sooner or later we must put our burden down.
The letting go experience becomes like a free fall, like trust exercises of falling backwards into other people's waiting arms. Momentarily there is fear and total lack of control, but then helpful and safe hands support us as we land, dispelling our unwarranted fears. We pass through this door many times on our healing journey as our egos struggle for control through fear.
As the fear and stress of hanging on subsides after letting go, the pain and misery also abates as we see we are not alone. There is an improvement in outlook immediately.
AN EXAMPLE
Some years ago when I decided to let go, I left to go around Australia in a 20-year-old car and a tent with just enough money to reach my first destination. For the next two years I traveled continuously, giving workshops and living in my tent. At 54 years of age, the experience was filled with fear. As I let go, my life became magical. So can yours, and you don't have to live in a tent.
WHY HANG ON?
We have so much difficulty hanging on and it causes us so much pain and disappointment that you would think we would be anxious to change, but we steadfastly refuse to see the common sense in letting go. Instead we see the fear and let it block our path to freedom. We resist letting go of our concepts about the way things are or should be, just to keep our egos happy. We push our children to perform and excel just to please our egos. We insist that our partners walk, talk and act in ways to please us, so we can be happy. The expectations we put on our partners and children are ours alone and we reap the consequences. We expect them to act, speak and think the way we do for our own sakes. If we really loved them, we would accept everything they say and do as necessary for them and honor their pathways home as we expect them to honor ours.
The greatest gift we can give our partners is to cut them free of our expectations. In this single action, we free ourselves to experience happiness in our relationships.
Everything we see in this creation needs changing, according to us. If we see a forest, we believe that a car park would be more useful. Then after a few years, we believe we should grow trees on the car park, forgetting that there were trees there in the first place. After we get our family under control, we then have the arrogance to tell our older and wiser parents how to live out the rest of their lives. By the time we start on our friends' behavior, our children have rebelled, our partner has left us and our worlds start to wobble.
Stand by for the stress, pain, nervous breakdowns, physical illnesses and all of the other symptoms hanging on and perceived failure brings. Our fingernails start to splinter and break as control slips through them. We blame everyone else for our unhappiness, when all we need to do is LET GO.
REACTIONS TO LETTING GO
When we eventually let go, sometimes all hell breaks loose, sometimes we become sicker than ever before. Deeply hidden issues surface like dragons from the past, threatening to eat us alive. Our "normal" life activities are turned on their heads and unreal feelings of panic spread through us, telling us we should have left well enough alone. Friends judge us and walk out of our lives. Guilt raises its head and blames us for upsetting and destroying others' lives.
The day-to-day comfort zone has been shattered and the winds of change are blowing. The winds blow into corners that have not seen light for many lifetimes, and the pain can be almost unbearable. We find our greatest fears are unfounded as we let go to the Light. Hanging on causes our distress; freedom is already ours, we just need to let it be there.
The Universe is shifting to meet our newly embraced reality. We still have the same body, the same soul, but our thinking has changed, and therefore so must our reality change. The Universe must accommodate us with every change of mind, that is universal law.
THE RIVER OF LIFE
During all of these crazy activities that we think are essential to our happiness, we block the flow of life from our God center. Our future experiences vibrate to the same confusion that we are creating in our fearful hanging on state in the now. We just do not allow what is best for us to come into our lives. By continuing to create confusing karma with our minds, we ensure our future will be the same.
There is a divine energy that flows from within. This is the river of life that flows from our hearts. The river is gold and silver, pure and radiant, a light vibration of the highest frequency. This light is the Christ, the highest vibration possible that we can radiate on this plane of existence. When this river of life flows uninterrupted, our lives become perfect and in harmony with the Creator's intention.
Letting go is plunging into this flow without thoughts of a fearful nature and trusting that lifetimes of fear will be reversed and perfection manifested our lives. However, this does not happen to our timetable, but to the Creator's timing. First we must deal with the self-made creations already in our lives before we feel the major effects of the divine. Letting go has to happen first in order that the Greater can come in. Depending on our past experiences and reactions to those situations, we may have created such beautiful karma that life is a continuous blissful state. Then again, it may not be.
NOT RESISTING
Letting go is acknowledging that there is a greater power that flows through us that has our best interest at heart. Without any effort on our parts, we can let go to this power and allow. By not resisting, we can let our lives flow like a river from our hearts, making room in our lives for everything that needs to be there and allowing other things to pass by and move on. The joy of life is in the standing still and allowing. We discover that peace comes in when we cease to struggle. When we know we are in a dream, everything can be released.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Sooner or later, we become so tired of hanging on to our misery that we just give up. Asking around, we find many offers of help come to us from varied sources. We have opened the door. Hanging on takes inordinate amounts of energy; we become very tired propping up the image we wish to portray. We simultaneously suppress our emotions, and eventually the load just gets too heavy to carry. Sooner or later we must put our burden down.
I chose to no longer live in the problem, his addiction, and to begin living in the solution, my own recovery, and that has made all the difference.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome, Blueglass, I'm glad this place is helping you.
I often say "If love could save our addicts, not one of us would be here." Letting go doesn't mean we stop loving them or praying for them, it just means we no longer attach ourselves to the problem and let go of the illusion that we have any control over the outcome.
It's the greatest gift we give ourselves too.
I often say "If love could save our addicts, not one of us would be here." Letting go doesn't mean we stop loving them or praying for them, it just means we no longer attach ourselves to the problem and let go of the illusion that we have any control over the outcome.
The greatest gift we can give our partners is to cut them free of our expectations. In this single action, we free ourselves to experience happiness in our relationships.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It took me years and years, Codimum, and so much pain, before I finally stopped hurting both myself and him with my codependent obsession with saving him. He was never mine to save, it's all between him and God,
"Read Codependent No More" everyone in recovery told me, and yet I didn't buy a copy until I accidentally knocked over a book display of this book in a store, and felt obliged to buy one. I still have my copy, it's like a Codie Bible, so full of good stuff in language we all understand.
"Go to meetings" everyone in recovery told me, and yet I didn't go until I had no other options left and I had nothing to lose. What I didn't realize was that I had everything to gain.
I was a stubborn, heels dug in codie through and through and the extent that I allowed myself to fall was entirely my own doing. Not once did my son say "you must go down with me", my codie heart said that until my exhausted brain finally said "enough".
I pray that sharing my own experience will, in some way, help others to surrender sooner, to help others find the good path of recovery instead of lingering in the darkness waiting for someone to turn on the light. The light is right there, all we have to do is open the door.
Hugs
"Read Codependent No More" everyone in recovery told me, and yet I didn't buy a copy until I accidentally knocked over a book display of this book in a store, and felt obliged to buy one. I still have my copy, it's like a Codie Bible, so full of good stuff in language we all understand.
"Go to meetings" everyone in recovery told me, and yet I didn't go until I had no other options left and I had nothing to lose. What I didn't realize was that I had everything to gain.
I was a stubborn, heels dug in codie through and through and the extent that I allowed myself to fall was entirely my own doing. Not once did my son say "you must go down with me", my codie heart said that until my exhausted brain finally said "enough".
I pray that sharing my own experience will, in some way, help others to surrender sooner, to help others find the good path of recovery instead of lingering in the darkness waiting for someone to turn on the light. The light is right there, all we have to do is open the door.
Hugs
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Fear alone is responsible for us not wanting to let go of what we term "our lives."
Nothing I did or did not do, nothing I said or did not say, all the tears and pleading and manipulation on my part made a lick of difference in how he chose to live his life. I was truly powerless over him and his addiction.
We admitted that we were powerless over others/drugs/alcohol, and our lives had become unmanageable.
Step 1 of all 12-step programs...only the subject word changes.
When I let go, was when I was too exhausted to hang on and by finally, FINALLY, admitting and accepting that I was powerless, was where I changed paths from the problem (trying to save what was not mine to save) to the solution (my own recovery from the darkness of codependency). Call it my bottom, call it my turning point, call it whatever you want...but this point of surrender was the beginning of my changing my life and learning how to be healthy and happy and to find beauty in every day...no matter how my son chose to live his.
Letting go was the scariest thing I ever did...and it was the miracle that turned my life around.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Thanks HardLessons. I try to give back what was so freely given to me by those who went before me. It helps me to to share my story and express my feelings. I stuffed them for a long time and it really is a relief to be able to express what I felt then and what I feel today.
Hugs
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Ann 
For me, this pretty much describes how I let go. It wasn't out of a wise conscious decision to just let go and get on with it....it was from pure exhaustion from holding on to the illusion that I could save my son from his addiction. That illusion became clearly a fairy tale and I could no longer hide in denial. I either let go of my son's addiction or get dragged down with him. Let go or be dragged.
I chose to no longer live in the problem, his addiction, and to begin living in the solution, my own recovery, and that has made all the difference.
I chose to no longer live in the problem, his addiction, and to begin living in the solution, my own recovery, and that has made all the difference.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It will come, Melissa, maybe slowly or maybe just one time will be the "enough" time.
For me it happened when my son lived in another city an hour away and one night on the phone I knew he was going to the crack house and I just snapped. I got in the car, drove to that city and the house (it was near where he lived...how handy) and I banged on the door and threatened to kick it down if he didn't come out. That was a dangerous and foolish thing to do and I am not a violent person at all, it was completely out of character for me.
He came out, we went to his apartment where I spent the night on the couch...and then when I left to come home, he left to go back to the crack house. The insanity continued for both of us.
On the drive home I pulled off the highway crying and I told God that I could not do one more day of this, I was done done done, and it was then that I gave it all up to Him and immediately felt my burden lifted...it was an awesome feeling...and I have never looked back.
We let go when we let go, but the sooner we do, the sooner we can turn our lives around and make them something meaningful and good...as life was intended to be.
For me it happened when my son lived in another city an hour away and one night on the phone I knew he was going to the crack house and I just snapped. I got in the car, drove to that city and the house (it was near where he lived...how handy) and I banged on the door and threatened to kick it down if he didn't come out. That was a dangerous and foolish thing to do and I am not a violent person at all, it was completely out of character for me.
He came out, we went to his apartment where I spent the night on the couch...and then when I left to come home, he left to go back to the crack house. The insanity continued for both of us.
On the drive home I pulled off the highway crying and I told God that I could not do one more day of this, I was done done done, and it was then that I gave it all up to Him and immediately felt my burden lifted...it was an awesome feeling...and I have never looked back.
We let go when we let go, but the sooner we do, the sooner we can turn our lives around and make them something meaningful and good...as life was intended to be.
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