newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
newbie
I'm new to this forum, finding it by searching for information on sobriety and support. I've become someone who has progressed into drinking far more than ever. A lot of my drinking has caused me much shame as well as health problems. I realize if I continue I will be jeopardizing my health, my life. There is too much to live for and know I must stop. I find it hard to stop on my own. I have a partner that refuses to join me, making it harder. I struggle with going my own way or fighting. The conflict is very painful as many of you no doubt know what I am talking about.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi ladysadie 
This site was very important to me in the early days because I had no real life support - the encouragement advice and hope I found here was, and still is, invaluable
welcome aboard
D
This site was very important to me in the early days because I had no real life support - the encouragement advice and hope I found here was, and still is, invaluable
welcome aboard
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 27
Welcome! Please don't let the fact that your partner refuses to join you affect your desire to get sober and choose a better path for yourself. I am not saying that it wont make it harder mentally, but I don't want you to not get the opportunity to truly enjoy life and be all that you can be all because someone else is not willing to jump on board with you. You are stronger then you think, I promise you that is true.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
It's great to have you join us, Ladysadie.
Drinking, which was once fun, ended up causing me more grief & pain than I could have ever imagined. I wish I hadn't clung to it for so long - it was such a relief to be free of it. Stay with us - you can do this!
Drinking, which was once fun, ended up causing me more grief & pain than I could have ever imagined. I wish I hadn't clung to it for so long - it was such a relief to be free of it. Stay with us - you can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
newbie revisited
Thanks for all the uplifting thoughts! I've spent quite a bit of time reading and researching all the options for me out there. I can leave the booze alone for a long time, then I have my triggers. I'm typical of many of you that report the amount keeps increasing and I've developed a tolerance. It used to be two glasses of wine made me silly and drunk, relaxed and done for the evening. It took quite a long time until I was embarrassingly finishing my own bottle of wine. I have always been pragmatic where spending is concerned so if I drank a bottle of wine that cost $20, then I argued (with myself) a fifth of vodka would last a whole lot longer. You know the rationale I'm talking about. I used to go into a liquor store and see my favorite vodka for $19.95 but when it went to $24.95 then I wouldn't buy it. Weird I know but I argued this in my mind for years, and for years I lived by this dictum.
For me, my employment really helped keep me honest, responsible and on track. When my mother died, a friend gave me a special bottle of vodka. My whole family (all my sibs) dealt with her death in a typical COA way. I sat back and let them scrap over the most stupid of her possessions while I drank a couple glasses of wine and let them have whatever they worked out (my house is tiny and I like a zen type space). The next day we buried her, and the day after that I had my first morning after of private quiet mourning and heartache after losing her (my sibs all went home to their out of state residences). The vodka bloody Marys were my breakfast (to this day I cannot drink another), my first blackout and hellacious hangover.
Skip forward about five years of holding it together, working until I retired. I had no idea how much I needed the structure of showing up and being responsible. I missed my job (sense of worth?) and started drinking during the week, first in the evenings. It happened so gradually and escalated over the last four years. I ashamedly can now consume well over half of a fifth in one day. I hate being a sot. I hate spending the money, I don't drink every day but I think about it. I avoid friends and family if I am drinking because then they would know if I'm slurring my words. I worry about falling and no one will find me for days. I worry about what it's doing to my heart, what if I die in my sleep of a heart attack. I am anal in that I clean my house, tidy up, have on clothes, papers bills and so forth in order just in case... what if the paramedics were called to rescue me or a fire broke out and I was passed out.
I have a long distance relationship with my SO, we do not live together but spend long weekends with each other. He had a medical issue in April which he's still dealing with (brain tumor that is cancerous). He's an unusually happy guy but he drinks to excess whether I join him or not, and because of this cancer he wants to make a permanent move in together. I dread the thought of having to deal with his drinking, I know I want to be there for his illness but not help him run his health into the ground. I know heavy drinking has born its consequences with my own health and I miss the strength, stamina, active life I once lived. I have myself to blame. I'm mostly sober but I'd love to do a yoga retreatment (I just made that word up I think) to really cleanse and restore my self, my soul. This is the only life I get and I want to make it the best years of my life.... I need help doing that. Thank you for listening, and as always, your candid input. This website has been awesome.
For me, my employment really helped keep me honest, responsible and on track. When my mother died, a friend gave me a special bottle of vodka. My whole family (all my sibs) dealt with her death in a typical COA way. I sat back and let them scrap over the most stupid of her possessions while I drank a couple glasses of wine and let them have whatever they worked out (my house is tiny and I like a zen type space). The next day we buried her, and the day after that I had my first morning after of private quiet mourning and heartache after losing her (my sibs all went home to their out of state residences). The vodka bloody Marys were my breakfast (to this day I cannot drink another), my first blackout and hellacious hangover.
Skip forward about five years of holding it together, working until I retired. I had no idea how much I needed the structure of showing up and being responsible. I missed my job (sense of worth?) and started drinking during the week, first in the evenings. It happened so gradually and escalated over the last four years. I ashamedly can now consume well over half of a fifth in one day. I hate being a sot. I hate spending the money, I don't drink every day but I think about it. I avoid friends and family if I am drinking because then they would know if I'm slurring my words. I worry about falling and no one will find me for days. I worry about what it's doing to my heart, what if I die in my sleep of a heart attack. I am anal in that I clean my house, tidy up, have on clothes, papers bills and so forth in order just in case... what if the paramedics were called to rescue me or a fire broke out and I was passed out.
I have a long distance relationship with my SO, we do not live together but spend long weekends with each other. He had a medical issue in April which he's still dealing with (brain tumor that is cancerous). He's an unusually happy guy but he drinks to excess whether I join him or not, and because of this cancer he wants to make a permanent move in together. I dread the thought of having to deal with his drinking, I know I want to be there for his illness but not help him run his health into the ground. I know heavy drinking has born its consequences with my own health and I miss the strength, stamina, active life I once lived. I have myself to blame. I'm mostly sober but I'd love to do a yoga retreatment (I just made that word up I think) to really cleanse and restore my self, my soul. This is the only life I get and I want to make it the best years of my life.... I need help doing that. Thank you for listening, and as always, your candid input. This website has been awesome.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 19
I gradually started drinking more and more too can certainly relate!!!! I am so glad I found this site this site for support everyone has been so great and welcoming!! We can start pur journeys together ❤❤❤ we can do this!!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,470
Welcome!
Alcoholism is progressive and it sounds like that's what you're experiencing. I'm glad you're ready to stop drinking.
Of course you want to be there for your SO, but it wouldn't be the best decision for you to be around someone who was drinking.
Alcoholism is progressive and it sounds like that's what you're experiencing. I'm glad you're ready to stop drinking.
Of course you want to be there for your SO, but it wouldn't be the best decision for you to be around someone who was drinking.
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