Frank92

First off i am 25, i first started drinking on weekends at age 14 and it just blew up from there till i graduated high school and spend damn near every day of the week intoxicated, i am like most other story's i have heard in AA and other places at first even with my heavy drinking i was maintaining a some what normal life as far as jobs and finances My parents have done everything possible to try and help me but they are even at their wits end and i feel so bad for them i'm now almost 11-12 years in to my addiction and in that time i have lost multiple jobs, got my first and second DUI. went to rehab and maintained my sobriety for almost a year before going back to it then i made the big change, I found a job in the mid west doing what i loved for a company that was seasonal work but part of working for them means i am under contract on and off duty i am not allowed to drink, the first summer went well 7.5 months and i hadn't touched a drink and went back home with a clear mind and of being able to maintain my sobriety i went to meetings at home and before i knew it i was drinking again, drank on a off that winter and that leads me to this summer 2017 came back out on harvest to work with the same rules, no drinking on or off duty everything was going fine i had even took some advise from my Boss that i needed to be check out for possibly Depression or Anxiety and low and behold the doctor said he wanted me to try taking some medication for my anxiety, it was going well after a few months and taking the pills and having the dosage's messed with i had a clear head and felt better then ever looking forward to the future then it hit me i had an offer to go home with a co worker for a weekend while we were slow on work and i decided to do so, and i ended up drinking one evening ever sense then i am back to square one i've attended meetings on and off and just cant seem to get a grasp on life and over new years i got my second DUI which means i will loose my Commercial Drivers License For good im not crying i have made this bed i am laying in i am just happy that i got a dui and didn't hurt anyone in the process. I have never written on a blog or forum before so i apologize for kinda randomly speaking about my story and for not having good spelling i will work on this in the future i just need some advice. I feel Defeated and am actauly pondering on throwing the towel in

DontRemember

I'm going to steal what someone said to me when I first joined here: "Sounds like alcohol isn't doing you any favors?". Everyone has their own 'bottom' from what I've seen in my time trying to get/stay sober. "Luckily, again 'stealing' from an AA meeting last year(older lady, sober 23yrs), the bottom has been raised from what it used to be". When I was growing up and 'learning', I'd see drunks as homeless and begging,borrowing,stealing to get what they wanted('needed' if you ask me)..but, yeah.. once you stop 'digging' and climb out..that was your bottom(If you work a solid plan and stay sober). Sooner the better and if you're googling addiction sites.. I'd say you're damn well very close to bottom,STOP digging. This place is great for extra support apart from your meetings and there's a lot of understanding too. Welcome.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR frank, and thanks for sharing your story. Sorry that you've fallen back into the drinking abyss ,it really can make you feel like "throwing in the towel" so to speak. It's all your addiction talking though....you know it can be better because you've been there too. You control your destiny...based on the choices you make. You chose to come here today and post...that is proof that you have what it takes to ask for help and start getting better. I hope you will stick around, you will find a lot of help and understanding here.

Hevyn

Frank, It's great to have you with us. I hope you'll stay and talk things over with those who understand what you're going through.

I'm sorry for the pain drinking has caused you. It was the same for me - but I waited until I was much older to finally quit. It's hard to realize that every time it's in our system we have no control over what might happen. I didn't want to have to quit all together - but it was the only way to get free & insure that my life wouldn't turn into a nightmare. You can do this - please never give up - you can turn it all around and have a great life.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Frank

I really believe that rock bottom is a choice. Its that moment where we decide we can't live this way a second longer, and we back up that decision with some real and positive action.

You'll find a lot of support and encouragement here

D

Delilah1

Welcome to SR Frank, glad you have decided to join us. This website has been at the center of my recovery. I did not have a rock bottom moment, just way too many moments when I wasn't at my best as a mom, wife, employee, friend...

I decided I deserved better, and so did everyone around me. You are still very young, and can have a wonderful sober life.

Are you in the Midwest right now, or home by your family?

Berrybean

Glad you found us Frank. Welcome.

Just our of interest, when you went to AA did you just go to meetings? Or did you get a sponsor and work the recovery program, and get involved in service and the like? There is a big difference. When they read How It Works it says about thoroughly following the path. Just popping along to meetings wasn't thorough enough to get me recovered and on the way to sanity.

I agree with Dee. We can keep digging as low as we like. Right to death if that's what we choose. I hope you will choose to start building back up from your rock bottom as it is now, and not take things deeper and darker.

BB

Bullwinkle1944

My bottom can only be defined as that which immediately proceeds surrender.

Google the study by Harry Tiebout, Frank...
“The Act of Surrender in the Therapeutic Process”

b0glerd69

Welcome Frank, thanks for sharing your story and well done on your repeated, lengthy periods of sobriety. Hang out in the forum for a while and you'll receive a lot of support. As you say, the DUI could have been a lot worse so pick yourself up and learn from it.

mandypandy

First off, you are 25. That is a real gift. Don't throw the towel in or you may find yourself at 50 or 60 in an even worse position and not have youth on your side as you do now. You are young, fight to make your story be as you want it to be!

Gottalife

Welcome Frank. It is a while ago but looking back I reached a point where I looked around at the destruction and desolation and thought "I can't do this anymore" But life without alcohol, in my experience, had been awful so neither drinking nor sobriety looked any good.

Having run out of options I was faced with two choices. Carry on, trying to blot out the intolerable nature of my condition as best I could for as long as I could (and I knew I wasn't going to last much longer) or accept spiritual help. I decided on the latter and that meant total immersion in AA, sponsor, steps and meetings, for a time, until a change occurred in me and I no longer had any obsession about alcohol. It was removed completely and never came back.

As with a lot of things in AA, the fact that I had reached bottom was evidenced by the action I took subsequently. Like I knew I had sincerely taken step three when I took step four and so on. Steps one and two were no brainers for me.

wayforward

What stands out to me is that you did manage a little stretch of recovery and even found a way to deal with your anxiety that led to results (you say you were feeling better than ever, had a clear head), and the only thing that took you off of the road was having that drink with a friend.

I don't know what your job/health insurance situation is, but is there a chance you could get back into the habit of taking those anxiety meds and just swear that you'll never consider a drink again? Sounds like that was going pretty well for you.

FreeOwl

right to the point of your query: your rock bottom is whatever you choose it to be, up to and including death.

My own experience; I went on for another 15+ years beyond your age and got my own two DUIs and my own couple of divorces and financial ruin and a lot of other things. Still, I believed it wasn't "that bad".

But... thankfully I finally decided I had enough evidence. I didn't want it to get "that bad". I chose my bottom and I dug in doing the work to rise up from it to the heights of my life. I'm still growing, still going, still grateful every day I chose to stop the elevator downward to despair and destruction.

It's all up to you.

Dee74

How are things Frank?

D

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR, Frank. I'm glad you found us here.

AAPJ

I wish I could give you some perspective here. I know I can say the words but I'm not sure you will hear them.

YES
You have screwed up on some things....
You have an alcohol problem....
You have two DWIs.....

BUT
You didn't harm/kill anyone while driving drunk....
AND
You are only 25!

A sober you can do so much! You have another 50 years in you of life!

I realize that this may sound like I'm spewing BS like that overly optimistic over happy person we all know but trust me I'm not like that at all. I say this because it's true.

Again... You are only 25.

Ken0331

I identify with this definition of "rock bottom". It's from the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous:

I never had a DUI, never got arrested, or any of those other things that sometimes propel someone into recovery. You define when and where the journey that your drinking has taken you will end. And the quote above fits mine perfectly.


Welcome, and 25 is a great place to start. The man who wrote what I quoted above started his path to recovery younger than you.