How'd I do?
Barn Goddess
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Southern NJ
Posts: 250
How'd I do?
Last night... hmm, I can't really explain what happened or how it happened... it was just "one of those things"
We've been emailing back and forth since we broke up. At one point I said that our breaking up was inevitable. His response was "in hindsight, I suppose it was"
Hindsight? He's known from day one how I feel about drinking and that I have zero tolerance for drunks... He's known that the reason I'm *here* and he's *there* (2000 miles away) is because of his choice to continue drinking... and I said this to him.
So I guess that started it. He HAD to have been drunk last night based on his emails - their tone. To make a long story short, he apologized because I didn't say what I needed to say right up front (instead, I made him "wade through testimonials and confessionals"... his words)
Thank God all of this happened via email because it is SOOOO much easier for me to detach from the situation and respond in a logical manner without getting caught up in the drama. I write much better than I speak. I'm the type of person who needs time to digest what's being said - otherwise I get caught up in the moment and lose sight of the issues.
I handled it well though, I think. I kept focused on the issues and didn't get sucked in to feeling like I had to defend myself or my choices (or my writing style, for that matter). I presented him with the indisputable facts and when he couldn't argue that, he chose to covertly attack my writing... This is one of the methods he employs to change the subject and shift the attention away from the issues, make it "my fault" and try to put me on the defensive... but it didn't work.
I am SO glad that it happened "in black and white" there's no disputing the facts. Yes, I still have the need to be right and to PROVE to him what his drinking has done... (Instant a$$h*le: just add beer)
color me Co-de
We've been emailing back and forth since we broke up. At one point I said that our breaking up was inevitable. His response was "in hindsight, I suppose it was"
Hindsight? He's known from day one how I feel about drinking and that I have zero tolerance for drunks... He's known that the reason I'm *here* and he's *there* (2000 miles away) is because of his choice to continue drinking... and I said this to him.
So I guess that started it. He HAD to have been drunk last night based on his emails - their tone. To make a long story short, he apologized because I didn't say what I needed to say right up front (instead, I made him "wade through testimonials and confessionals"... his words)
Thank God all of this happened via email because it is SOOOO much easier for me to detach from the situation and respond in a logical manner without getting caught up in the drama. I write much better than I speak. I'm the type of person who needs time to digest what's being said - otherwise I get caught up in the moment and lose sight of the issues.
I handled it well though, I think. I kept focused on the issues and didn't get sucked in to feeling like I had to defend myself or my choices (or my writing style, for that matter). I presented him with the indisputable facts and when he couldn't argue that, he chose to covertly attack my writing... This is one of the methods he employs to change the subject and shift the attention away from the issues, make it "my fault" and try to put me on the defensive... but it didn't work.
I am SO glad that it happened "in black and white" there's no disputing the facts. Yes, I still have the need to be right and to PROVE to him what his drinking has done... (Instant a$$h*le: just add beer)
color me Co-de
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Hey Cadence...
I applaud your efforts to remain fair... while trying to convey to yourself that....
"I'm not crazy."
Cause it is crazy making to love the person underneath... while having to deal with the addiction on the surface...
I mean really... there's actually three people in a codie relationship... me.. the person I love... and the addict...
Well... actually there is 4... cause I also have an addict... the one who keeps going back endlessly to see if anything has changed... ;o)
I applaud your efforts to remain fair... while trying to convey to yourself that....
"I'm not crazy."
Cause it is crazy making to love the person underneath... while having to deal with the addiction on the surface...
I mean really... there's actually three people in a codie relationship... me.. the person I love... and the addict...
Well... actually there is 4... cause I also have an addict... the one who keeps going back endlessly to see if anything has changed... ;o)
Barn Goddess
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Southern NJ
Posts: 250
Thanks gang. I guess I feel good about some of it (I kept my head together and didn't get sucked into the crazy-making) but on the other hand, I probably should have just left it alone. I knew he was drunk by the way he was responding - why get sucked into an argument with someone who's drunk at all? Oh well, it was a step in the right direction. His email today said,
"As to things being "clearer" today...I think I'm getting more, not less confused. Every time I type something I put my foot in my mouth. lol "
That's it - that's all he had to say for himself... I feel like telling him to try taking the beer out of his mouth BEFORE he types, and then maybe his foot won't feel so attracted to it... ah, I can be a sarcastic b*tch
"As to things being "clearer" today...I think I'm getting more, not less confused. Every time I type something I put my foot in my mouth. lol "
That's it - that's all he had to say for himself... I feel like telling him to try taking the beer out of his mouth BEFORE he types, and then maybe his foot won't feel so attracted to it... ah, I can be a sarcastic b*tch
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