ShenzyT

Here I am - again.
Was looking back through my old posts .... 4 years I've been part of SR and I'm not sober yet.....I feel ashamed (I'm not really a newcomer ...... I keep trying and failing miserably), I guess I just don't want it bad enough, every post is the same, nothing changes...I keep doing this.....what's the matter with me ?? I've had the odd few weeks here and there of sobriety (which was amazing), even managed 4 months last year .... but away I go again .... thinking I can control it .... thinking I can just have a glass or 2, or only have a drink on a Friday eve. The reality is a bottle or 2 of red every night, fat, bloated, depressed, anxious.
I take Citalopram aswell - they're doing very little ..... they're not going to - they're getting mixed with wine every day .....
My hubbys uncle died 2 weeks ago from alcohol .... he was 56.

This time it has to be different - I need a new plan .... a different plan. It gets harder each time .... the cravings are awful, I just can't seem to beat them.
I didn't drink last night.
So sorry for ranting, thanks for listening - again. You are a fantastic group of folks.

tomls

I'm glad you're back! Not giving up! You are the only one who can make this your last time. I have always checked in the 24 hour recovery connection thread to remind me of who I am and I can't drink. I think it has helped me a lot. Best wishes for you on your journey.

Arpeggioh

Congratulations on not giving up! My dad's favorite phrase is "Never quit quitting." I'm also a long-term member here, and eternally grateful this site is still as helpful and welcoming as ever. No shame in coming back, it shows you still want sobriety.

I found it very helpful to join a "Class Of" thread last May. I'd read thousands of posts over the years, but suddenly I was posting nearly every day, and it made a huge difference. I'm closing in on a year sober.

Welcome back, we left the lights on for you...

ChloeRose63

Welcome back! Glad you are with us and giving it a try again. You are not alone. I, too, have been trying for 4 years since I've joined. I have not given up either. Do not get yourself down. We can do this!

ubntubnt

Hi Shenzy, I am pretty similar to you. 3 years here. Quit twice for 3 months and back again with my tail between my legs. I was embarrassed to be back and even contemplated opening a new ID so appearing like a new member. Then again, we know we have to deal with this head on and not deny the past but use it to learn from and make us stronger this time around.

Dee74

Welcome back
I hope SR will help like it helped last time.

Any ideas yet on what you might do differently this time?

D

wayforward

Quitting is a ride you can always get back on. Four months last year is pretty serious. Try to remember what was working back then. This time you know there's no managing a few drinks. Consider yourself allergic

Horatio48

Been on this site since I was 48. I am 51. It's hard. I keep going back to alcohol. Even though it takes an effort to recover from the inevitable binge that follows the first drink. But I keep trying. In a sense this is a failure. But we get marks for persistence and for continuing to try. Well done on your first day. I am sober since 2nd January. Keep trying and good luck.

ShenzyT

Thank you everyone for your kind words.
It's great to be talking to other folks who totally understand what it's like.

Horatio48 - Thank you - well done, that's so good. I hope I can join you soon with sober days. xx

Wayforward - Thank you - Managing a few is a definite no no for me .... xx

Dee74 - I need a proper plan on how to deal with the cravings, instead of giving in. I have a journal that I'm going to write everything down, I'm going to have a good read of everyone else's posts and see how others deal with the cravings - thank you xx

ubntubnt - Thank you - Yes, I thought about creating a new ID aswell.....but totally agree, the only person I was fooling was myself. xx

ChloeRose63 - Thank you, yes, we can do this.....this time.... xx

Arpeggioh - Thank you "we left the lights on for you" made me tear up. It's great to be welcomed back by such a wonderful group. I'm also posting in the "Class of", it makes me feel accountable to myself. xx

tomls - Thank you - I've also checked into the 24 hour thread. Those are great words "to remind me of who I am and I can't drink". This is the bit that I miss everytime. xx



xxx

JJ991

Hi there, welcome back!

I'm on citalopram too, and I too drank while on it. I'm 4 months off the wine now, the medication works so much better as you know when you don't mix it with wine.

You can do it!

Catldy

Good for you! I'm a day 1 again,again,again today person too.4 months is something to hold on too. I've never been there yet. I started turning down 24hour relapse chips in AA because I have more than I need. I'm hopeful it will stick this time. Everytime I tell on myself in meetings they tell me to keep coming back. I guess as long as we don't throw up our hands entirely, we're on the right track. Good luck

Rar

Hi Shenzy. Welcome back. As you can see, I joined in 2014. While I feel physically like a newcomer, I'm embarrassed that I am really not. I also, read all of my old threads this morning, hoping for a glimmer of success or where I ran amok with my sobriety. I am now on my 19th day. All of us new oldtimers will do it this time. Hang in there.

GirlScreaming

You did the right thing coming back here and being honest.
I am on Day 2 (again!) as well.
Have you thought of what your plan is going to include?

ChloeRose63

I, too, teared up when I read:
"We left the lights on for you".
How wonderful to have that unconditional love and acceptance waiting for us always here at SR!

dwtbd

I found it's easier to just let a craving be, I don't think they are 'beatable', and they definitely keep working if you feed them more booze.
Next you experience It , just challenge It to make you hop on one foot or even just wiggle a finger, It can't It's all just bluster. Starve It out , it's uncomfortable at first but without getting Its booze , because You decided it isn't going to happen, It loses its illusory 'power'. Without Its precious stuff , it becomes weaker , no less annoying ,lol, but you can break the spell of having 'power', It can't even make your finger flinch

FreeOwl

Over 4 years I'm sober..... I still consider myself a newcomer.

That's kinda a big reason I keep sober.

You can do it.

VikingGF

I stopped counting my Day 1s, I think. It took a really long time for it to click for me, but the important part is that we keep trying.

Glad you're here and you will find success- go back to basics, change up your routine, always have a plan for "down time" and social events, find sober support as you need in the community and come here every day.

Be kind to yourself and it's great that you don't see this as another day one- but as the LAST day one.

Congrats on your sober time.

bblackbirdflyy

Joined in 2011. I contemplated starting this round with a new name too. Decided against it. I'm logging back in after a long (8ish months) of drinking close to daily. Im miserable and ready to try again. I'll be joining February class. My only goal today is to be sober.

saoutchik

It took me until the age of 54 to quit Shenzy and I had many failures before that. Most of us dont succeed the first time but sticking at it is the next best thing.

tesquizito

ShenzyT, the most important thing you said to me was "I keep trying". That's important, and you're not failing, you only fail when you give up trying.

It took me 6 years of chronic relapsing to finally figure it out. And I can't even tell you what it was that I figured out. I just kept trying and wanting to quit, and trying different approaches, and changing my environment where I could, and finally everything just clicked. It sucks it took me so long but it was worth all time I spent struggling. Some of us are more stubborn than others, I suppose.

I know that taking a leave of absence from work and checking into an IOP (intensive outpatient) helped a lot.

I also finally opened up to all my family and friends what I was doing.

Being honest with myself, that took a while to figure out. It was easy to lie to myself, discount certain things just to relapse.

And having faith in myself, that was helpful but it initially came from the support groups, they helped me believe in myself when I couldn't.

My best to you, don't give up.