Challenger2013

I’ve been lurking on here, but I haven’t posted in a while. The divorce was proceeding along, we even agreed to skip the Discovery phase since it was mostly about joint finances anyway. She’s been drinking, but keeping it subdued.
Then today while I’m at work, her father calls to let me know they were taking DS11 to their house because “he didn’t need to be alone with his mom”. Then he mentioned that she was on the phone with the rehab center to try to get in for another 30 days of inpatient.
Thankfully she will be staying at their house until a bed opens up.
But now my whole divorce strategy has to change because there is no way in H3ll I’m letting her have him every other week.
Just when you think things might be going your way, the addict finds a way to screw it up.

SparkleKitty

As long as an alcoholic is in active addiction and drinking, things are going to deteriorate. So she may have been "keeping it subdued," but for an alcoholic, that's simply not a long-term option.

Maudcat

With this latest situation, you can probably get full custody and, maybe, supervised visits.
Good luck.

Challenger2013

I’ll be calling my lawyer tomorrow. We had already agreed on me being the Primary Residential Parent (our state doesn’t do “custody”). But the plan was for DS to split his time between homes evenly. That can’t happen now.

DontRemember

My exwf did this during divorce,so I filed for a temporary protection order and the judge granted it. It ruined her in court and I was granted full physical and legal. I'm glad her parents called you.

CentralOhioDad

They just don't get it, do they? I'm sure once AW gets served she will 'be subdued' for a while, but will eventually fall back into her patterns.

Thanks for the update, Challenger.

hopeful4

Yup. Anyone in active addiction has no business having custody of a child. Period. So sad.

Prayers for all going through this.

Sasha1972

SoberLink monitoring might be very useful here. I think it's inevitable that your kid will be spending some time with his mother, even if not 50/50 - so SoberLink might give you some peace of mind.

CentralOhioDad

I'll be pushing for that for AW once it gets to the negotiating stage of the divorce.

Challenger2013

I brought it up to her last night, but she’s not in a head space to think about that now. And I’ve already spoken to my lawyer about it. It truly is the only way I could trust her alone with him now.

CoParentToA

SoberLink helped, but I got to the point where I was sure he was gaming the system, drinking after he blew at 8 pm and taking the test at the last possible minute of the grace period the following morning.

Didn't something really terrible happen that would allow you to pursue supervised custody only? If so, I would leverage that to the fullest as its power in court will be diminished over time. I regret I didn't pursue sole residential custody immediately. It took my ex driving drunk with the kids for me to finally have what I needed to threaten an emergency motion. I spent far too long trying to negotiate a peaceful agreement with someone who spent years honing the ability to manipulate me.

Challenger2013

Yes, a DUI with DS in the car and a fender bender that resulted with a Leaving The Scene charge. Her BAC that night was .297%.

I know there will always be some manipulation until/if she actually embraces her recovery and actually works on it. I think this past weekend really opened her parent’s eyes. They are actually asking about grandparent’s rights and I keep insisting that I have no desire to keep them from seeing DS. I think they will actually back me up on whatever decision I make regarding AW’s visitation.

Challenger2013

She’s been out of the house for two weeks. Two peaceful, stressless weeks. And I’m already starting to dread when she might get back. Insurance only approves rehab one week at a time, so it’s possible she could get out within the next few days.

Because once she gets back we will have to renegotiate her visitation time. And I know me, I’m liable to cave in to her desires out of consideration of my DS’s feelings. I know he misses his mom and wants to spend time with her, but on the other hand my trust in her determination to get sober is nonexistent.

I just want this over with.