soberme2018

I am 11days alcohol free. I am proud of myself and feel so good. However, last night I went out for dinner with my husband, brother and sister in law. Everyone was drinking, I felt so left out. I struggled to stick with my water, replaying in my mind why I am doing this. My sister in law kept telling me it’s ok to have a drink on the weekend. To,top it off they were having a $5.00 grey goose martini special. My choice of poison. I made it through, had a delicious meal and was the designated driver.

How long did it take you to be able to go out and not think about drinking? It was really hard last night, when your not drinking you are so much more aware of how everyone else seems to be.

D

ubntubnt

hi Soberme, to be honest I wouldn't put myself in that position so soon after quitting. That sounds like a real tough one. Better to maybe put a couple of months behind you first. Regardless, well done, a huge triumph. The longer I have quit is three months and the last months started to get easier. So much easier in fact that I thought I had it beaten and drank. AAAAARRRRGGHH.
Maybe think about non drinking environments for a while to make things a little easier on yourself and go from there.

ReadyAtLast

Hi, I also wouldn't put myself in that position. there is really no need to tempt ourselves so early on. It is also ok to say no to invites and putting yourself and your sobriety first isn't selfish.

It's great you didn't drink, please don't misunderstand me, but really putting ourselves under such pressure so early on is just too difficult imo.

soberme2018

Thank you ubntubnt! I have been staying home, so much easier. To top it off we were seated at a high top right next to the bar! �������� Talk about temptation!

Caralara144

Well done you for not drinking
That was a tough one .....
I have a wedding in April ...family ❣️
And my daughter is not going to drink to support me ....
I'm 33days today
I have been out to dinner after Xmas with my family an had a non alcoholic beer ..(which I didn't like) I would have given anything that night for a glass of sav blanc but I got through it ...
Again well done it's early days .....you done brilliant xxxx

Silverback4

Hi and well done on sticking to your plan. You will be the one feeling so much better today.
I was thrust and kind of thrust myself into social things as they came so that I could get used to it quickly and remove as much apprehension or dread over these events.
I have a very sociable family and circle and I knew that everything wasn’t going to change because I no longer drank so I paid attention to enjoying the food, the conversation (in parts) and really enjoyed being in control of how and when I went home and the best part was waking up the next day fresh.

I am approaching 5 months sober so that was my first sober Xmas and new year. Have had s lot of birthdays, christenings, friend events and also went on a short 4 day holiday a few weeks ago which would all have been central to my drinking before.

I am happy that I have got a lot of “firsts” under my belt if you know what I mean.
It has helped me anyway changing how I frame the event or situation.
Actually have a birthday lunch to attend today where everyone will be celebrating with alcohol.
These things for me anyway get easier as time goes on.
Well done again, enjoy your day hangover free!

tomsteve

for me it was more,"how long was it before i felt safe going out somewhere that alcohol was going to be?"

i didnt go to any social gathering,dinner,party, etc for the first year. my sobreity was, and is, the most valuable posession i have.

even after that, i made sure i have 3 important criteria before going:
1- the right motive
2- fit spiritual condition
3- an escape route.
even with those in place, it wasnt about thinking about drinking. it was about not allowing that thought to control my actions- being able to turn my attention to something more useful and see what i could contribute to the occasion.

but i sure as hell wouldnt have gone somewhere there was alcohol in that early in recovery- it would have been russian roulette.

D122y

Sober,

I feel different then some on this.

But, you can see in my signature, i have had 2 slips.

I never made a big outward issue out of...stopping drinking. It was, and still is, an internal battle.

The first few months were easier for me because i had a prolonged withdraw.

Each time i am around booze, i feel a bit tempted. But, obviously i am stronger each time i walk away.

I won't go to a bar with a bunch of drunks, but i will never miss out on a party or food.

For me, it is almost medicinal to see an active alky or drunker get intoxicated. To see them basically get possessed.

If i have the luxury of seeing them in the morning it is even better.

It used to take about 3 proper martinis, 6 units or more, to get me very drunk. Drinking 1 or 2 of any kind of booze just made me tired.

What was the point in that?

Additionally, for me...the mental addiction lasts for the rest of our lives. So practicing early in sobriety makes execution of sobriety easier later.

Bottom line...we must suffer to get and stay clean. Suffer more now to suffer less later. No matter what..there is suffering.

Thanks.

silverskies

That is so huge! Be so proud of yourself. You were in a tough position and made it through.

ProfessorD

I've been doing a lot of this kind of socializing lately and finding it surprisingly pleasant to be with people I love without the booze. Maybe you can work on changing your thinking about it? I know that's easier said than done, but focus on the positives: you get to enjoy being present with your family, actually hearing and listening to them instead of thinking about the martinis, you get home safely without drunk driving, and you wake up with a clear head and no regrets! It's a great life, if you think about it. What was the martini? It doesn't make your family any more fun to be with or you any more fun to be with. You don't need it.

And also maybe get a fun drink yourself: a soda you wouldn't normally drink, a lemonade. Or have a dessert since you have those extra calories

Dee74

I relapsed many times by trying to test my recovery too soon.

the last time I quit I decided I needed to put clear distance between who I had been and my old life, and who I wanted to be in a new life so I stayed away from events and places with alcohol for a few months.

I didn;lt stay home, pull the shades and become a hermit but I got smarter about the invites I accepted and the places I went - coffee dates, movies, museums, art galleries, picnics...whatever so long as alcohol preferably was not present or a least not a main theme.

I liken it to weightlifting...noone starts by lifting 300 pounds..you need to work up to it., and thats what I did with the non alcoholic excursions.

When I knew I loved the new life I had and I preferred being sober then I began to put myself in harder situations.

I felt a little out of place initally, but I didn't drink and didn't want to - and eventually I grew as familiar with not drinking socially as I used to be with getting smashed

we really can change

D

Flinders39

I'm coming up on seven months sober and I just take it day-by-day, situation-by-situation. If I'm feeling particularly vulnerable on a certain day I do everything in my power to not put myself/ sobriety at risk - if that means staying home or canceling plans - so be it.

I will say that it has gotten easier since alcohol is absolutely no longer an option, but I would advise taking it one day at a time.

It really does work.
Best of luck

soberme2018

Thank you all for the feedback. I spoke with my husband about how I felt and that I need to stay away from that environment for a while. He agreed and is really being a great support system.

Thanks
D

August252015

FWIW, my journey:

I quit drinking cold turkey, and started changing my life completely. I didn't go out to eat much at all for the first 90-100 days and when I did it was with my parents; my mom is sober and my dad is not an alcoholic, so he might have had a beer or two but that's always fine with me. I was always safe with them. I did not do this out of fear but out of, as Dee said, my new LIFE PURPOSE being the creation of a different, recovering life.

I went to my first dinner out with a friend- and still often do one on one and I do not hang out with ANY big drinkers- sometime the early summer of 2016 (I was about 5-6 mo sober). If I ever feel "off" for any reason, I decline. I keep commitments I make, especially because I was a classic drunk flaker, No matter what, my EMOTIONAL sobriety is paramount. Note it was about this time that I went back to work in a restaurant (that's a different story) and it was fine, with careful planning at first and gradual public-ness about my recovery.

I went on my first date (since high school when we dated!) with my now husband at 5 1/2 mo and it turned out he was in recovery too. We got married this past Dec.

I took my first trip at 9 mo (with my then boyfriend). I went to my first party at 14 mo. I started socializing in larger groups occasionally and usually stayed an hour tops. I went to my first wedding at 17 mo.

I don't eat any food containing alcohol. If it so happens I am served something with it, I stop eating it immediately; I ask questions at restaurants and/or do research on their menu before hand and if in doubt, or don't trust the server's answers or such, I pass.

This perhaps sounds extreme to some, but my reality is that my recovery comes first- before absolutely everything and everyone else. Even my husband. That's because it allows me to have everything else- and my life is full, safe, happy, fulfilling....and it has the tough stuff too - and I am so much better able to enjoy and deal with both being sober.