New enlightment
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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New enlightment
I am a 31 year old new mother. I have always struggled my entire life with anxiety and depression without a clue as to what triggers it. Sometimes I'm fine, and when I'm not, I'm not.
After the birth of my daughter 2 years ago, I have an emotional breakdown. I couldn't function. My heart was going crazy, and I had developed panic attacks I couldn't even understand.
I started seeking therapy a few months ago. My eyes have been opened and I will now never be the person I was before. I am on the road to recovery from Narcissistic and abusive parents and addicts on all substances.
When I had my daughter, I didn't realize how much of my own past I swept under the rug my entire life would come out. All of it came flooding out so fast, I couldn't turn the faucet off! I couldn't grasp it quickly enough, and so panic ensued.
My mother never raised me, she abandoned me at 1 year old to go out and do drugs, get drunk and chase after men. She denies it all happened, she claims my grandparents "Stole" me away from her. But the truth is out, i see it now for myself for the first time. She STILL is a drug addict and alcoholic. And she still doesn't REALLY care about me. It's all about control.
For the first time in my life, I am cutting her out of my life. I realized through therapy, that she is the source of all of my anxiety. I've been AFRAID to live my life all these years. I've been afraid and scared of hurting her in some way. She has groomed me to believe that everything was my fault, and if I don't submit to her, and make her happy, my life will be a living hell.
It has not been easy breaking ties with her. It has been hell, but I'm realizing more and more, that I actually have control over my life now, and that I CAN be free. I didn;t know if freedom was possible before. I was a slave to her guilt, abuse, and empowerment.
She only wants me to dump her own baggage on. She used to do this to me as a small child when she'd get to visit me. She used to try to get me to drink with her when i was 12 years old, and then laugh when I'd get tipsy. She used to try to influence me into a sexual lifestyle with men. She used to tell me about all of her own abuses when I was just 11 years old, and I'd be her therapist. She used to tell me she loved me more than anyone else would ever love me. But then she'd dump me off with other people.
I am done. I am so done with being a victim of emotional abuse by a narcississtic alcoholic mother. Anyone else here with me on this???
After the birth of my daughter 2 years ago, I have an emotional breakdown. I couldn't function. My heart was going crazy, and I had developed panic attacks I couldn't even understand.
I started seeking therapy a few months ago. My eyes have been opened and I will now never be the person I was before. I am on the road to recovery from Narcissistic and abusive parents and addicts on all substances.
When I had my daughter, I didn't realize how much of my own past I swept under the rug my entire life would come out. All of it came flooding out so fast, I couldn't turn the faucet off! I couldn't grasp it quickly enough, and so panic ensued.
My mother never raised me, she abandoned me at 1 year old to go out and do drugs, get drunk and chase after men. She denies it all happened, she claims my grandparents "Stole" me away from her. But the truth is out, i see it now for myself for the first time. She STILL is a drug addict and alcoholic. And she still doesn't REALLY care about me. It's all about control.
For the first time in my life, I am cutting her out of my life. I realized through therapy, that she is the source of all of my anxiety. I've been AFRAID to live my life all these years. I've been afraid and scared of hurting her in some way. She has groomed me to believe that everything was my fault, and if I don't submit to her, and make her happy, my life will be a living hell.
It has not been easy breaking ties with her. It has been hell, but I'm realizing more and more, that I actually have control over my life now, and that I CAN be free. I didn;t know if freedom was possible before. I was a slave to her guilt, abuse, and empowerment.
She only wants me to dump her own baggage on. She used to do this to me as a small child when she'd get to visit me. She used to try to get me to drink with her when i was 12 years old, and then laugh when I'd get tipsy. She used to try to influence me into a sexual lifestyle with men. She used to tell me about all of her own abuses when I was just 11 years old, and I'd be her therapist. She used to tell me she loved me more than anyone else would ever love me. But then she'd dump me off with other people.
I am done. I am so done with being a victim of emotional abuse by a narcississtic alcoholic mother. Anyone else here with me on this???
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