I finally know the truth...
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 39
I finally know the truth...
Hello - I’ve been posting pretty regularly on here about my RAH of 18 yrs who suddenly moved out while less than 60 days sober. He confessed an affair before he went into recovery and I tried to support and forgive him. About 30 some odd days into his recovery he suddenly moves out and gets an apartment stating we are toxic for each other and that he needs to focus on his sobriety. Huh?
Since that time I have been in agony at his lack of communication and empathy for what his leaving AGAIN is putting me and our two kids through. I told him many times that if he cheated again I would be done with him. He kept denying and kept ignoring me but I knew something wasn’t right and many of you on here were telling me the same.
After some coaxing this morning I finally got him to admit that he’s now spending a lot of time with a female “friend” in AA, they haven’t slept together, but there’s an attraction. Wow. Just wow. Really following the program, huh? How he loves me but doesn’t want to reconcile because there have been too many problems between us. I own my imperfections but being married to a moody alcoholic for so many years was no walk in the park.
You might think I was distraught after this mornings revelation, nope, totally relieved to finally know who I am dealing with. I was kind and politely told him I would be filing for divorce. This supposedly Christian man who begged me to take him back a few months ago and told our children how much he loved their mom is now involved with yet another woman. Two affairs in 5 months. Ouch. This is not someone I want to ever be with again. Ever.
I’m good friends with his sponsors wife who now knows about his relationship with this woman in AA. She does not want her husband around my husband anymore for fear of him being a bad influence. My husband actually had the nerve to ask me to be discrete about who I tell. Really? Because he’s been so loyal to his family. 😏
Not really a question here, more of a cautionary tale to take what your recovering alcoholic says with a grain of salt until they have proven they are trustworthy again. He told me over and over again that he was leaving to focus on his sobriety, sobriety and a new side piece.
Oh, and I suggest book The Four Agreements, reading that the day before this revelation helped me handle the news today with dignity and grace. Totally drama free unlike the drama my husband has put me through our entire marriage. Thanks for all your support on here. You helped me through this more than you know.
Since that time I have been in agony at his lack of communication and empathy for what his leaving AGAIN is putting me and our two kids through. I told him many times that if he cheated again I would be done with him. He kept denying and kept ignoring me but I knew something wasn’t right and many of you on here were telling me the same.
After some coaxing this morning I finally got him to admit that he’s now spending a lot of time with a female “friend” in AA, they haven’t slept together, but there’s an attraction. Wow. Just wow. Really following the program, huh? How he loves me but doesn’t want to reconcile because there have been too many problems between us. I own my imperfections but being married to a moody alcoholic for so many years was no walk in the park.
You might think I was distraught after this mornings revelation, nope, totally relieved to finally know who I am dealing with. I was kind and politely told him I would be filing for divorce. This supposedly Christian man who begged me to take him back a few months ago and told our children how much he loved their mom is now involved with yet another woman. Two affairs in 5 months. Ouch. This is not someone I want to ever be with again. Ever.
I’m good friends with his sponsors wife who now knows about his relationship with this woman in AA. She does not want her husband around my husband anymore for fear of him being a bad influence. My husband actually had the nerve to ask me to be discrete about who I tell. Really? Because he’s been so loyal to his family. 😏
Not really a question here, more of a cautionary tale to take what your recovering alcoholic says with a grain of salt until they have proven they are trustworthy again. He told me over and over again that he was leaving to focus on his sobriety, sobriety and a new side piece.
Oh, and I suggest book The Four Agreements, reading that the day before this revelation helped me handle the news today with dignity and grace. Totally drama free unlike the drama my husband has put me through our entire marriage. Thanks for all your support on here. You helped me through this more than you know.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 22
Wow! I am so glad you finally know the truth! While the truth sucks, at least you know who/what you are dealing with and can move forward in YOUR healing and YOUR recovery from being married to an A for so many years!!
Once again, we find ourselves in similar situations. After a nearly perfect weekend with my RAH, I actually (ha!) thought there was hope for reconciliation. I actually believed (silly me) he was working his recovery. Well, many things came to light yesterday. It seems as if there may be some hanky panky on his end....I am all but 100% certain....yet, like your RAH, he continues to lie and deny! I was also informed today by his roommate (the friend he moved in with to help him through recovery) that he has only been to 2 AA meetings in the 3 weeks he has been out of the house. He has told me so differently; I can only imagine where he is spending that time. I can't handle it any longer. I am hurt, torn, and heartbroken, but more than anything I just want the TRUTH!! I am so happy for you that you finally have the truth in your relationship. Hugs to you! Stay strong!!
Once again, we find ourselves in similar situations. After a nearly perfect weekend with my RAH, I actually (ha!) thought there was hope for reconciliation. I actually believed (silly me) he was working his recovery. Well, many things came to light yesterday. It seems as if there may be some hanky panky on his end....I am all but 100% certain....yet, like your RAH, he continues to lie and deny! I was also informed today by his roommate (the friend he moved in with to help him through recovery) that he has only been to 2 AA meetings in the 3 weeks he has been out of the house. He has told me so differently; I can only imagine where he is spending that time. I can't handle it any longer. I am hurt, torn, and heartbroken, but more than anything I just want the TRUTH!! I am so happy for you that you finally have the truth in your relationship. Hugs to you! Stay strong!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by inquiringmind 
Wow! I am so glad you finally know the truth! While the truth sucks, at least you know who/what you are dealing with and can move forward in YOUR healing and YOUR recovery from being married to an A for so many years!!
Once again, we find ourselves in similar situations. After a nearly perfect weekend with my RAH, I actually (ha!) thought there was hope for reconciliation. I actually believed (silly me) he was working his recovery. Well, many things came to light yesterday. It seems as if there may be some hanky panky on his end....I am all but 100% certain....yet, like your RAH, he continues to lie and deny! I was also informed today by his roommate (the friend he moved in with to help him through recovery) that he has only been to 2 AA meetings in the 3 weeks he has been out of the house. He has told me so differently; I can only imagine where he is spending that time. I can't handle it any longer. I am hurt, torn, and heartbroken, but more than anything I just want the TRUTH!! I am so happy for you that you finally have the truth in your relationship. Hugs to you! Stay strong!!
Once again, we find ourselves in similar situations. After a nearly perfect weekend with my RAH, I actually (ha!) thought there was hope for reconciliation. I actually believed (silly me) he was working his recovery. Well, many things came to light yesterday. It seems as if there may be some hanky panky on his end....I am all but 100% certain....yet, like your RAH, he continues to lie and deny! I was also informed today by his roommate (the friend he moved in with to help him through recovery) that he has only been to 2 AA meetings in the 3 weeks he has been out of the house. He has told me so differently; I can only imagine where he is spending that time. I can't handle it any longer. I am hurt, torn, and heartbroken, but more than anything I just want the TRUTH!! I am so happy for you that you finally have the truth in your relationship. Hugs to you! Stay strong!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 681
Good gosh, what a blow. Nothing I can say will help,
but I am thinking of you. Now that you have the truth, you can move on. I cant imagine how upset you are. Im just sorry this ever happened to you.
but I am thinking of you. Now that you have the truth, you can move on. I cant imagine how upset you are. Im just sorry this ever happened to you.
Originally Posted by Jewelstar
Hello - I’ve been posting pretty regularly on here about my RAH of 18 yrs who suddenly moved out while less than 60 days sober. He confessed an affair before he went into recovery and I tried to support and forgive him. About 30 some odd days into his recovery he suddenly moves out and gets an apartment stating we are toxic for each other and that he needs to focus on his sobriety. Huh?
Since that time I have been in agony at his lack of communication and empathy for what his leaving AGAIN is putting me and our two kids through. I told him many times that if he cheated again I would be done with him. He kept denying and kept ignoring me but I knew something wasn’t right and many of you on here were telling me the same.
After some coaxing this morning I finally got him to admit that he’s now spending a lot of time with a female “friend” in AA, they haven’t slept together, but there’s an attraction. Wow. Just wow. Really following the program, huh? How he loves me but doesn’t want to reconcile because there have been too many problems between us. I own my imperfections but being married to a moody alcoholic for so many years was no walk in the park.
You might think I was distraught after this mornings revelation, nope, totally relieved to finally know who I am dealing with. I was kind and politely told him I would be filing for divorce. This supposedly Christian man who begged me to take him back a few months ago and told our children how much he loved their mom is now involved with yet another woman. Two affairs in 5 months. Ouch. This is not someone I want to ever be with again. Ever.
I’m good friends with his sponsors wife who now knows about his relationship with this woman in AA. She does not want her husband around my husband anymore for fear of him being a bad influence. My husband actually had the nerve to ask me to be discrete about who I tell. Really? Because he’s been so loyal to his family. 😏
Not really a question here, more of a cautionary tale to take what your recovering alcoholic says with a grain of salt until they have proven they are trustworthy again. He told me over and over again that he was leaving to focus on his sobriety, sobriety and a new side piece.
Oh, and I suggest book The Four Agreements, reading that the day before this revelation helped me handle the news today with dignity and grace. Totally drama free unlike the drama my husband has put me through our entire marriage. Thanks for all your support on here. You helped me through this more than you know.
Since that time I have been in agony at his lack of communication and empathy for what his leaving AGAIN is putting me and our two kids through. I told him many times that if he cheated again I would be done with him. He kept denying and kept ignoring me but I knew something wasn’t right and many of you on here were telling me the same.
After some coaxing this morning I finally got him to admit that he’s now spending a lot of time with a female “friend” in AA, they haven’t slept together, but there’s an attraction. Wow. Just wow. Really following the program, huh? How he loves me but doesn’t want to reconcile because there have been too many problems between us. I own my imperfections but being married to a moody alcoholic for so many years was no walk in the park.
You might think I was distraught after this mornings revelation, nope, totally relieved to finally know who I am dealing with. I was kind and politely told him I would be filing for divorce. This supposedly Christian man who begged me to take him back a few months ago and told our children how much he loved their mom is now involved with yet another woman. Two affairs in 5 months. Ouch. This is not someone I want to ever be with again. Ever.
I’m good friends with his sponsors wife who now knows about his relationship with this woman in AA. She does not want her husband around my husband anymore for fear of him being a bad influence. My husband actually had the nerve to ask me to be discrete about who I tell. Really? Because he’s been so loyal to his family. 😏
Not really a question here, more of a cautionary tale to take what your recovering alcoholic says with a grain of salt until they have proven they are trustworthy again. He told me over and over again that he was leaving to focus on his sobriety, sobriety and a new side piece.
Oh, and I suggest book The Four Agreements, reading that the day before this revelation helped me handle the news today with dignity and grace. Totally drama free unlike the drama my husband has put me through our entire marriage. Thanks for all your support on here. You helped me through this more than you know.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by dandylion
Jewelstar....I am so proud of you for how your handled this, that I could just spit....
In fact, I think I will go in to the back garden and do a little dance......
In fact, I think I will go in to the back garden and do a little dance......
I'm sorry Jewels. I know it must be so hurtful. I hope you don't take this in the wrong way, but perhaps it's a blessing in a way - you know now rather than later
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by dandylion
Jewelstar....I am so proud of you for how your handled this, that I could just spit....
In fact, I think I will go in to the back garden and do a little dance......
In fact, I think I will go in to the back garden and do a little dance......
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by Jewelstar
I’ve cried enough over this man, time to pay attention to me.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 223
So many hugs and prayers your way....this is not easy to hear or accept but you handled it like a boss!! Go YOU! As we always post and hear on this board, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Move on with your life and go be that real estate momma youve always dreamed of being...
Peace to you!
Move on with your life and go be that real estate momma youve always dreamed of being...
Peace to you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I was recently informed of the 'truth' as well and while it hurt, I knew it all along. I was too wrapped up in my recovery to see the signs,but I see them plain as day now. I only learned of it a week or so ago,but it's helped me detach that much more and know I indeed made the correct decision. Hope you're well.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
I don't want to make a huge generalisation, but in my personal experience men never tell the truth about leaving for another woman, or in one case man. Don't know why, but I think they kid themselves it's just about the marriage and the other woman is just a coincidence. I've got to the point now where I just wait for all to be revealed.
Jewel, painful as this is, you are following the path that will allow you and the children to adjust as quickly as possible. Much better times ahead, I promise.
Jewel, painful as this is, you are following the path that will allow you and the children to adjust as quickly as possible. Much better times ahead, I promise.
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