J50

Been experiencing some anxiety today. I've been reading about Moderation Management, telling myself that my drinking wasn't that bad (couple bottles of wine a week (whole bottle), good blood work numbers). In August I drank a lot on vacation, stopped in September, and had panic attacks and lingering anxiety for a month. I remind myself of that. I had thoughts going through my head I've never had before. I don't want those again. I guess while I didn't drink as much as some I could eventually end up on that path. I know it will get better if I stick it out. Sorry for the rambling...

Dee74

Hi J50 coming here and ratting your AV out is the exactly the right thing to do.

If you or I could moderate, we would have and we wouldn't be here on SR

the AV lies...always.

D

J50

Thanks Dee. I feel dumb posting when I read about some of the trials and tribulations others have gone through. Alcohol hasn't severely impacted my life yet, although the cracks were starting to emerge. Today my trigger was a stressful day at work. Normally I would handle it by drinking wine. Tonight, I walked on the treadmill and got a good sweat going instead. It will be nice waking up with a clear head tomorrow. Thanks for the support you give on these boards!

Ken0331

And that's the key. YET. That's how you should look at it. Those things haven't happened yet.

But you're eligible if you pick and keep drinking.

Moderation? Hell if I could have moderated at the end I would have. Failed every time. Truth is once that crossed that line, not sure exactly when but I crossed it, I could never moderate again. Didn't even want to try.


Good for you for not caving into the urge.

faith823

71 days is just wonderful good for you.

SimplyFree

Alcoholism is progressive, it never gets better only worse.

time2shineagain

Day 71 is seriously awesome! Keep going!

D122y

J50,

Imo...That is how addiction works.

I crave every day. My av whispers...it's ok. You have been so clean fof so long...you can have a few.

But, my analysis mind says...you are falling into the same trap as when you were a week clean.

At those times I remind myself I am a non drinker. I hate booze.

I don't get real sick anymore...I am mentally more stable, I am stronger physically.

Booze is poison.

I am an addict for life.

Thanks.

J50

I appreciate the support and feedback!

As I read about Moderation Management I thought to myself, "this makes sense" but then the more I thought about it I realized that I had tried all of those things already on my own. They didn't work.

I consider myself lucky I caught it early on. Reading the posts everyday, I see where this journey will lead. Maybe not today or this year, but I can see a dimished quality of life 5-20 years from now if I don't address it now.

Dee74

Don't feel dumb for posting - posting is what we're here for

D

Flinders39

You are lucky that you’re acknowledging it early on. I wish I would have done that.
It would have saved me a lot of public humiliation and physical damage to myself (broken wrist and countless bruises/ cuts that required numerous stitches).
However, as much as I wish I can take all of that back - I think about the potential damage I’m SAVING myself (in the future) by remaining sober (183 days now). Maybe the worst was YET to come for me? Idk, but I’m sure as hell am not going to find out.
Best of luck - you’re doing the right thing. :-)

WIwoman

Great post. I really admire you for nipping it in the bud early. It's frustrating and easy to do the mental back and forth, but what's worse? Never knowing how bad it could have gotten, or ignoring recovery for another 10 years and regretting not staying quit when you had so much going for you in 2018? I constantly regret acting on my mantra of "eh, it's not that bad I can keep drinking" before I had lost anything or anyone.