letter to my family
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 500
letter to my family
This is the letter I sent to my family after therapy yesterday, with a few adjustments (names etc). I am the "baby" of my family even though I am in my mid forties most still see me as the free spirit and they have had no idea. In the past they haven't been the best at supporting me. Anyway coming to the realization that my AH never really loved me more than himself or the drink. Its really hard because I willing gave my dreams, plans, respect, love away to someone who didn't value it and how could he when I didn't value myself and gave it so freely. The one thing I would never change is the energy I put into my kids. An autistic son in college, a daughter who was accepted into her dream school and scholarship. They have walked this path with me. My daughter told me I am the person she trusts most in this world because she knows I will always be honest. They both know that failure is a guarantee but so is success if they participate in the moment. They are beautiful, smart very sensitive kids with wicked humor and open hearts. I take credit for that. Anyway thought I would share : heres my letter:
Hi everyone just gonna give you guys an update about what is going on in my life right now. AH was originally kicked out of our home in February of 2017 after an intervention initiated by DD18 in December 0f 2016, because of the excessive drinking and toxic environment. We have been through several months of unkept promises and dangerous behavior on his part. This prompted me to file for divorce in May of 2017 on our 21st wedding anniversary. Texas does not have a legal separation so I filed in order to secure DD18 a healthy place to live her senior year without fear of having to uproot her during this time. AH officially moved into an apartment in August of 2017 he was seeing a therapist but would not agree to work any sort of program that was recommended to him by our family therapist who we have been seeing since 2002. He continues to drink by his own admission. I met with him in person yesterday which was incredibly hard. He is at this point a very angry unhealthy man. He takes little responsibility for his actions and has no intention on meeting in therapy with myself or the kids. The problems with alcohol are nothing new and I have been dealing with behaviors since before we were married. I simply thought he would grow out of it. The lying and hiding around alcohol started way back in 2005 but it was not a regular occurrence. The hiding of alcohol, lying about consumption and intoxicated driving started to become a regular occurrence in 2010. There was always an excuse, a justification. I have been driving, caring, and leading my family emotionally alone for so many years, I am so very tired. My lowest point was being left in a hotel room after having my jaw removed, disfigured, scared & in pain, asking for him to stay with me. He left to" get food downstairs" and returned hours later and passed out drunk. A part of me died that day, I have never felt so very alone in my life. My point in sharing this is a couple of reasons. It is so unhealthy for me to carry this shame it's no longer mine to carry. I have made the decision to walk away from this marriage for myself and for my little family of three. This simply means that the lawyers will begin to separate the assets and begin negotiating a settlement I've had them in a “holding pattern” thus far. After meeting with AH yesterday it is clear to me that this is the most healthy course of action. This is by far the hardest thing I have done in my life and I need you guys to support me like I know you will. Feel free to ask me any questions. The kids and I are as well as can be expected and will continue to move forward with the help of professionals and each other. Love you all. Please send good juju I’m gonna need it.
Hi everyone just gonna give you guys an update about what is going on in my life right now. AH was originally kicked out of our home in February of 2017 after an intervention initiated by DD18 in December 0f 2016, because of the excessive drinking and toxic environment. We have been through several months of unkept promises and dangerous behavior on his part. This prompted me to file for divorce in May of 2017 on our 21st wedding anniversary. Texas does not have a legal separation so I filed in order to secure DD18 a healthy place to live her senior year without fear of having to uproot her during this time. AH officially moved into an apartment in August of 2017 he was seeing a therapist but would not agree to work any sort of program that was recommended to him by our family therapist who we have been seeing since 2002. He continues to drink by his own admission. I met with him in person yesterday which was incredibly hard. He is at this point a very angry unhealthy man. He takes little responsibility for his actions and has no intention on meeting in therapy with myself or the kids. The problems with alcohol are nothing new and I have been dealing with behaviors since before we were married. I simply thought he would grow out of it. The lying and hiding around alcohol started way back in 2005 but it was not a regular occurrence. The hiding of alcohol, lying about consumption and intoxicated driving started to become a regular occurrence in 2010. There was always an excuse, a justification. I have been driving, caring, and leading my family emotionally alone for so many years, I am so very tired. My lowest point was being left in a hotel room after having my jaw removed, disfigured, scared & in pain, asking for him to stay with me. He left to" get food downstairs" and returned hours later and passed out drunk. A part of me died that day, I have never felt so very alone in my life. My point in sharing this is a couple of reasons. It is so unhealthy for me to carry this shame it's no longer mine to carry. I have made the decision to walk away from this marriage for myself and for my little family of three. This simply means that the lawyers will begin to separate the assets and begin negotiating a settlement I've had them in a “holding pattern” thus far. After meeting with AH yesterday it is clear to me that this is the most healthy course of action. This is by far the hardest thing I have done in my life and I need you guys to support me like I know you will. Feel free to ask me any questions. The kids and I are as well as can be expected and will continue to move forward with the help of professionals and each other. Love you all. Please send good juju I’m gonna need it.
Last edited by dawnrising; 01-23-2018 at 06:17 AM. Reason: left a name
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
That had to have been very tough to put down on paper dawn. 
Mine too. The first time, she was about 6ish & it is a moment I come back to again & again & again as I walk my own path of recovery/healthy living. It both humbles me and helps me keep moving the bar higher & higher. She helps me walk my talk I guess, lol.
My daughter told me I am the person she trusts most in this world because she knows I will always be honest.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 182
Well done dawn. Your story about being left in the hotel room alone is heartbreaking. It was envisioning that type of future situation that led me to divorce my AH. I could see it happening with my son or with me. Smaller, lesser versions of that happened so many times over the years. The person whom I trusted completely and was the first person to help me feel truly safe and supported became a person that put our child in danger, put me in danger, intentionally caused both of us emotional pain, etc, etc. I'm proud of you. It's sounds like you've done a great job. Wishing you much happiness.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 367
I too have been left alone when I never should have been, and then was given a hard time for wanting him to be with me. I had just had a C-section and was in pain and terrified.
There was another situation where I felt unsafe and wanted him to stay with me, and he left anyway to go smoke crack and drink.
We deserve so much more. Gentle hugs to you.
There was another situation where I felt unsafe and wanted him to stay with me, and he left anyway to go smoke crack and drink.
We deserve so much more. Gentle hugs to you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
