In need of some advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 5
In need of some advice
My partner is going into rehab to come off of alcohol and prescribed medication. We had a massive falling out just prior to the news and ever since he has been cold and distant . He loves and misses me but has completely changed towards me since this news and the fall
Out he is hopeful we can get things back
On track and wants me to wait for the next six months whilst he does this work . What can I expect from rehab for him will they tell
Him to cut all ties
Out he is hopeful we can get things back
On track and wants me to wait for the next six months whilst he does this work . What can I expect from rehab for him will they tell
Him to cut all ties
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
Lou.. what are you willing to give up for this partner forever.. see as the Mom and Lady and female in my setup.. I promised in sickness and in health.. love my Eddie Lee to bits. . knew at the beginning it was not going to be easy. and then he got better a bit. loved me to bits.. for he is alive because he will not die like that on my watch and have told him so in times of dark dark recess of life.. in Florida as they went to wheel him into surgery and then be gone for 2 weeks of a type of rehab I took that son of a gun by the neck pulled him up an inch and said . die here and leave me in Florida and I will follow you and kick you stupid ass.. he laughed said I love you too toots. and was gone.. the RN looked at me and said you can't say that Yes I can and he knows that this old lady marine will find him in the next life and kick his ass silly.. I paced for 2 weeks around the parking lot of the rehab.. they wanted him to have his own control.. ya like that is going to work. with out a reason to have the control.. by day 11 the RN male in charge of his well fare came out to our little red car and said Lady I need your help.. I found a mess.. became the Mom the Lady of orders and demands and first thing he did was hold me tight. Toots where have you been ... and in 2 days he was a balance act once again..
we have been Man and Woman for 26 years... I found this board 3 years ago when I knew my life was in danger and the only people that would listen would be this great group of silly silly lovely people.. hold each one as tight as they hold me..... Eddie Lee is off Morphine that the Doc put him on for 9 years.. almost lost him in Sept of 2015.. he was on his own for 11 day in a special ward. had no idea who he was where he was or who I was.. I came and stayed to the side for every day.. have small videos of that time everyday.. one of the RN's is a recovered acid dropper she held me and him in a vice gripe... for 9 of those days.. is Eddie Lee better Jan 23 2018.... we have him on a new med for his brain.. no this is not a drug for his mind . but a med that is helping to repair damage tiny bit by tiny bit to the elec system of his brain.. some times I have my Hubby most of the time I don't... what am I willing to give up forever. everything just to have that twinkle that smile the laugh.. and most of all my Eddie Lee even just for a breath of time..........
now your partner.. what are you willing to give up to have him with you forever.. no matter what you have to do to make things better. to understand what is going on in his brain. and how to Document everything for the medical community to have a better handle on his well being.. mmmm
For Better or Worse in Sickness and in Health .. until Death do you part.. yep... oh we have the flu.. and I gave it to him.. hahhahaha my way of sharing the fun... and he knows it .. and lets me know I did this to him .. and then in laughter says Toots I love you Forever and a Day and a million Flu Years to go... hugs ardy
we have been Man and Woman for 26 years... I found this board 3 years ago when I knew my life was in danger and the only people that would listen would be this great group of silly silly lovely people.. hold each one as tight as they hold me..... Eddie Lee is off Morphine that the Doc put him on for 9 years.. almost lost him in Sept of 2015.. he was on his own for 11 day in a special ward. had no idea who he was where he was or who I was.. I came and stayed to the side for every day.. have small videos of that time everyday.. one of the RN's is a recovered acid dropper she held me and him in a vice gripe... for 9 of those days.. is Eddie Lee better Jan 23 2018.... we have him on a new med for his brain.. no this is not a drug for his mind . but a med that is helping to repair damage tiny bit by tiny bit to the elec system of his brain.. some times I have my Hubby most of the time I don't... what am I willing to give up forever. everything just to have that twinkle that smile the laugh.. and most of all my Eddie Lee even just for a breath of time..........
now your partner.. what are you willing to give up to have him with you forever.. no matter what you have to do to make things better. to understand what is going on in his brain. and how to Document everything for the medical community to have a better handle on his well being.. mmmm
For Better or Worse in Sickness and in Health .. until Death do you part.. yep... oh we have the flu.. and I gave it to him.. hahhahaha my way of sharing the fun... and he knows it .. and lets me know I did this to him .. and then in laughter says Toots I love you Forever and a Day and a million Flu Years to go... hugs ardy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Lou, your two threads are "looking for advice" and "looking for answers." Those are the two things we really can't give you here. We can't advise you b/c your situation is totally unique, and we certainly can't know what the outcome will be if we tell you to take a specific action. We sure as hell cannot give you answers! Even with a crystal ball and a Ouija board, we couldn't give you answers...
So then what is SR good for? Well, what we CAN do is to share our experience, strength and hope w/you. The very fact that this forum exists indicates that you are not the first person to find yourself in a bad situation due to alcohol. Dandylion gave you some excellent suggestions for reading in your previous thread. Have you taken the time to look through that? Have you searched the forum here, perhaps using "rehab" as a search term, to see what others have experienced?
I understand that you feel bad right now, and that you want to know what is going to happen and what you should do. My 2 suggestions to you are to get to an Alanon meeting in the very near future, and to spend some time reading around this forum, making sure to read the stickies at the top of the page. As dandylion likes to say, we have a veritable boot camp on alcoholism, codependence, and recovery right here on this site.
It works. But you've gotta work it.
Hope you keep posting--and hope you do some reading here and get to that Alanon meeting.
So then what is SR good for? Well, what we CAN do is to share our experience, strength and hope w/you. The very fact that this forum exists indicates that you are not the first person to find yourself in a bad situation due to alcohol. Dandylion gave you some excellent suggestions for reading in your previous thread. Have you taken the time to look through that? Have you searched the forum here, perhaps using "rehab" as a search term, to see what others have experienced?
I understand that you feel bad right now, and that you want to know what is going to happen and what you should do. My 2 suggestions to you are to get to an Alanon meeting in the very near future, and to spend some time reading around this forum, making sure to read the stickies at the top of the page. As dandylion likes to say, we have a veritable boot camp on alcoholism, codependence, and recovery right here on this site.
It works. But you've gotta work it.
Hope you keep posting--and hope you do some reading here and get to that Alanon meeting.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
What I learned in Alanon is that I'm powerless over people, places and things. No one can predict what another person will say or do and your partner can't predict what he'll feel in six months. You can't know how you'll feel either. I suggest Alanon and getting on with your life. I'd give him a year of sobriety before making decision.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
I havent looked at your other posts, but Im thinking you are hoping more people will reply sharing their experiences and thoughts?
My experience has shown that rehabs are all different. Your partner is in a 6 month rehab? Do you have contact while apart ?
Rehabs are all different and what they offer their clients varies. But its safe to say that your partner will be exposed to their influence, a wide range of other peoples views when in the facility. But, also keep in mind these things will mix with his own thoughts, feelings, life experiences and such.
My husbands thoughts and feelings about things changed over time as he stopped using and began to straighten out his life. His brain begin to recover from the constant flow of chemicals and he could rationalize things better. It took time. My husband hasnt changed into someone different because of treatment.
It can be tough on the family, the partner to experience. Uncertainty of the future can be scary and painful. I felt those things at least. My confusion reached a point where I contacted my doctor and found a therapist to talk to.
I dont have an answer to the direct question you asked, but I hope this gives you some idea of how the process worked for our family.
My experience has shown that rehabs are all different. Your partner is in a 6 month rehab? Do you have contact while apart ?
Rehabs are all different and what they offer their clients varies. But its safe to say that your partner will be exposed to their influence, a wide range of other peoples views when in the facility. But, also keep in mind these things will mix with his own thoughts, feelings, life experiences and such.
My husbands thoughts and feelings about things changed over time as he stopped using and began to straighten out his life. His brain begin to recover from the constant flow of chemicals and he could rationalize things better. It took time. My husband hasnt changed into someone different because of treatment.
It can be tough on the family, the partner to experience. Uncertainty of the future can be scary and painful. I felt those things at least. My confusion reached a point where I contacted my doctor and found a therapist to talk to.
I dont have an answer to the direct question you asked, but I hope this gives you some idea of how the process worked for our family.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
hello Lou, I echo above posts in saying put your focus on yourself.
Take care of yourself.
He will do what he will do, you can't change that. However you can work on yourself. Change your perspective and attitudes in life.
Working my Al-anon program is an absolute life changer for me.
Then YOU can decide what YOU want.
Take care of yourself.
He will do what he will do, you can't change that. However you can work on yourself. Change your perspective and attitudes in life.
Working my Al-anon program is an absolute life changer for me.
Then YOU can decide what YOU want.
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