Liliafey

Hi everyone,
My long distance boyfriend, and close friend of 13 years (we met freshman year of college) had been sober for a year and a half. He called me tonight and told he got drunk yesterday, and had, in the last week had a couple drinks (but only 1 or 2 in a sitting the previous incidents). He has been struggling with a pretty nasty bout of depression for the last 4 months or so, which has gradually caused him to lose motivation for a lot, including his sobriety. He does not want to start drinking again, but "figures if he's going to fall off, he might as well get drunk, remind himself of how ****** it makes him feel, and start fresh." He has dropped off going to AA meetings, and has not yet told his sponsor about the slips. He's made an appointment with a therapist, and plans to go to a meeting this weekend. Any advice on what I can be doing to support other than just being here to listen? Or is that all I should do?

Sleepyhollo

Alcoholics cannot drink ever again. All it takes is that first drink and before you know it it will spiral into full blown drinking again. And it will be like he never stopped before. That's why it is a progressive disease. AA isn't going to do anything for his depression. He needs to see a psychiatrist and get properly diagnosed and also an addiction therapist. Addicts self medicate. 99 % of people with addiction issues have untreated psych issues which can be simple anxiety or much more complicated stuff. Unless that gets diagnosed and treated he will more than likely not stay clean for the long haul, he still needs AA but he also needs the other things,
I don't think there is anything you can or should do except for offering a sympathetic ear if he needs it. Only he can do get clean again. Nothing anyone says or does is going to help him. Not even if you are in the same town . You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you cannot cure it. Think about checking out alanon and learn about addiction. Pleasure unwoven is a great documentary about how addiction works.

grayghost1965

You could be living in the same house and be powerless. No one can will us to be sober.

Remember - you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. It's up to you what you can emotionally handle as far as support/talking. Don't get sucked into it at the sacrifice of yourself and your well-being.

Liliafey

Thank you for the feedback. I am familiar with the fundamentals of addiction (my father, now sober for 7 years, was a depressive alcoholic for a long time). My partner has been seeing a psychiatrist since he first went into treatment 4 years ago, and is on medications. As you suggested, additional therapy sounds like a good call, with the other factors no longer enough to keep him going, and not getting to the root of his problem. He's made an appointment with a psychologist as well - fingers crossed. And I'm set to check out al anon this week. I guess I will just continue to be an ear and a friend while he goes through this.

Liliafey

Thank you