Freaking out a bit
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 78
Freaking out a bit
I've been making calls all day trying to find a primary care doctor and therapist. I finally found a PCP, and scheduled an appointment for Thursday. Immediately after hanging up, anxiety started growing. I'm shaking and my heart is pounding. My thoughts are racing...
I'm terrified of being honest about my addiction. I've never been honest about how much I drink.
To make the anxiety worse, a therapist called me back a few minutes later and asked what I was seeking therapy for. I said, "alcohol addiction and anxiety" and almost cried hearing the words come out of my mouth.
She wasn't an addiction counselor, so I'm still searching.
My mind is flooded with thoughts. Normally I'd be drinking to quiet them.
I want to cancel the appointment, but I know I can't.
I want nothing more than to walk into that appointment Thursday and be able to say I'm 4 days sober.
I'm terrified of being honest about my addiction. I've never been honest about how much I drink.
To make the anxiety worse, a therapist called me back a few minutes later and asked what I was seeking therapy for. I said, "alcohol addiction and anxiety" and almost cried hearing the words come out of my mouth.
She wasn't an addiction counselor, so I'm still searching.
My mind is flooded with thoughts. Normally I'd be drinking to quiet them.
I want to cancel the appointment, but I know I can't.
I want nothing more than to walk into that appointment Thursday and be able to say I'm 4 days sober.
I also hope you can be four days sober on Thursday. 
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It's definitely scary...but absolutely possible GirlS. The Anxiety is very normal - try and find other activities or things to keep your mind occupied. I did a lot of housecleaning/organizing early on as it gave my brain something to do other than obsessing about alcohol.
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Location: Upstate New York
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GirlScreaming - You're going to feel so good when you face this appointment & talk about what's going on. It's going to be such a huge relief. We know you can stay sober. Better days are coming - you'll be free.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Oldsmar, FL
Posts: 22
You can do this. Use whatever support means you can, therapy, medical and especially keep posting on this site....lot of great people here waiting to lend moral support. Count me as one of them. I'm only 2 weeks into this ride (this time), so I can relate.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 78
Thank you all so much. I'm still having doubts, but the anxiety has lifted for now.
I don't think I could do this without all of you. I'm so happy I found this forum.
I'm going to bed soon with a headache, but I know it's worth it because tomorrow I won't wake up with a hangover, and that's a great feeling.
Thank you again, really.
<3 <3
I don't think I could do this without all of you. I'm so happy I found this forum.
I'm going to bed soon with a headache, but I know it's worth it because tomorrow I won't wake up with a hangover, and that's a great feeling.
Thank you again, really.
<3 <3
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 325
Really well done for being willing to say those words out loud, that took courage. I am only 7 days sober, but like you began my journey talking to professionals. I found I was really anxious beforehand, but once there it was actually a relief, it felt like taking a serious step towards a recovery I’d been kidding myself I could do alone.
Hang in there, we are at very similar stages, let’s walk this road together.
Hang in there, we are at very similar stages, let’s walk this road together.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 50
You can definetly do this, you have all of us cheering you on. I know what that type of anxiety feels like being a panic sufferer myself. Therapy did wonders for me, and sobriety did even more than that so far. Keep at it, keep your head up, keep moving forward. You've got this, promise.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,100
The anxiety may be very real, but it's not all powerful. Breathe and know that you're making the right decision by being honest with your doc as well yourself. Keep us posted and stay connected with this good group of folks that get exactly what you're dealing with. You can have victory and move forward 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: York County, PA
Posts: 302
Reposted from your "Feeling Hopeless" thread
Be honest. I bring a small notebook/journal with me to all my doctor's appointments. A few days/the night before I write down what I want to discuss with my doc that day. Write it down. Discuss it. Then takes notes of what the doc says, and ask about resources for help. Like that addiction counselor.
What, you think you're the only one who your doc has seen who admitted to a substance abuse problem? Hell, I've seen one of my health care providers in the rooms of AA already.
Doctors see all kinds of crap brought on by poor life choices - STDs, hepatitis, obesity, and yes, drug and alcohol abuse. Through years of training and experience they will address the patient's problem directly but with compassion, emotionally detached and with no judgment.
And if you find you don't walk into the appointment 4 days sober, go anyway. Be honest anyway. See, my gastroenterologist came to the hospital to see me, to confront me about what my drinking was doing to me. I'd been admitted earlier that night, he happened to be on call that day, and in he walks at 5am, I feel like total s--t with the withdrawals and pancreatitis. He pulls up a chair and sits down, levels with me. Honestly, but with compassion. I tried to play it off . . . but knew the gig was up and finally had my first frank and honest discussion with the doc I'd been seeing for almost 15 years, since being Dx'd with Crohn's disease.
It was b/c of him I went to rehab. And when I got home and saw him, I told him so. He nearly had tears in his eyes. "Every once in a while a doctor gets a chance to really help someone change for the better," he said. And I know in his field he's seen far more alcoholics die drunk than get sober.
I keep him updated every visit. Total honesty, even with a short relapse tossed in for measure.. It's so liberating not to try to hide and keep up appearances anymore.
What, you think you're the only one who your doc has seen who admitted to a substance abuse problem? Hell, I've seen one of my health care providers in the rooms of AA already.
Doctors see all kinds of crap brought on by poor life choices - STDs, hepatitis, obesity, and yes, drug and alcohol abuse. Through years of training and experience they will address the patient's problem directly but with compassion, emotionally detached and with no judgment.
And if you find you don't walk into the appointment 4 days sober, go anyway. Be honest anyway. See, my gastroenterologist came to the hospital to see me, to confront me about what my drinking was doing to me. I'd been admitted earlier that night, he happened to be on call that day, and in he walks at 5am, I feel like total s--t with the withdrawals and pancreatitis. He pulls up a chair and sits down, levels with me. Honestly, but with compassion. I tried to play it off . . . but knew the gig was up and finally had my first frank and honest discussion with the doc I'd been seeing for almost 15 years, since being Dx'd with Crohn's disease.
It was b/c of him I went to rehab. And when I got home and saw him, I told him so. He nearly had tears in his eyes. "Every once in a while a doctor gets a chance to really help someone change for the better," he said. And I know in his field he's seen far more alcoholics die drunk than get sober.
I keep him updated every visit. Total honesty, even with a short relapse tossed in for measure.. It's so liberating not to try to hide and keep up appearances anymore.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by scottynz 
Really well done for being willing to say those words out loud, that took courage. I am only 7 days sober, but like you began my journey talking to professionals. I found I was really anxious beforehand, but once there it was actually a relief, it felt like taking a serious step towards a recovery I’d been kidding myself I could do alone.
Hang in there, we are at very similar stages, let’s walk this road together.
Hang in there, we are at very similar stages, let’s walk this road together.
7 days sober is awesome! You have a a whole week behind you. Before you know, it will be a month. Keep going
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by TheToddman
The anxiety may be very real, but it's not all powerful. Breathe and know that you're making the right decision by being honest with your doc as well yourself. Keep us posted and stay connected with this good group of folks that get exactly what you're dealing with. You can have victory and move forward
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by Tubesy
You can definetly do this, you have all of us cheering you on. I know what that type of anxiety feels like being a panic sufferer myself. Therapy did wonders for me, and sobriety did even more than that so far. Keep at it, keep your head up, keep moving forward. You've got this, promise.
Thank you for your kindness
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by Ken0331
Be honest. I bring a small notebook/journal with me to all my doctor's appointments. A few days/the night before I write down what I want to discuss with my doc that day. Write it down. Discuss it. Then takes notes of what the doc says, and ask about resources for help. Like that addiction counselor.
What, you think you're the only one who your doc has seen who admitted to a substance abuse problem? Hell, I've seen one of my health care providers in the rooms of AA already.
Doctors see all kinds of crap brought on by poor life choices - STDs, hepatitis, obesity, and yes, drug and alcohol abuse. Through years of training and experience they will address the patient's problem directly but with compassion, emotionally detached and with no judgment.
And if you find you don't walk into the appointment 4 days sober, go anyway. Be honest anyway. See, my gastroenterologist came to the hospital to see me, to confront me about what my drinking was doing to me. I'd been admitted earlier that night, he happened to be on call that day, and in he walks at 5am, I feel like total s--t with the withdrawals and pancreatitis. He pulls up a chair and sits down, levels with me. Honestly, but with compassion. I tried to play it off . . . but knew the gig was up and finally had my first frank and honest discussion with the doc I'd been seeing for almost 15 years, since being Dx'd with Crohn's disease.
It was b/c of him I went to rehab. And when I got home and saw him, I told him so. He nearly had tears in his eyes. "Every once in a while a doctor gets a chance to really help someone change for the better," he said. And I know in his field he's seen far more alcoholics die drunk than get sober.
I keep him updated every visit. Total honesty, even with a short relapse tossed in for measure.. It's so liberating not to try to hide and keep up appearances anymore.
What, you think you're the only one who your doc has seen who admitted to a substance abuse problem? Hell, I've seen one of my health care providers in the rooms of AA already.
Doctors see all kinds of crap brought on by poor life choices - STDs, hepatitis, obesity, and yes, drug and alcohol abuse. Through years of training and experience they will address the patient's problem directly but with compassion, emotionally detached and with no judgment.
And if you find you don't walk into the appointment 4 days sober, go anyway. Be honest anyway. See, my gastroenterologist came to the hospital to see me, to confront me about what my drinking was doing to me. I'd been admitted earlier that night, he happened to be on call that day, and in he walks at 5am, I feel like total s--t with the withdrawals and pancreatitis. He pulls up a chair and sits down, levels with me. Honestly, but with compassion. I tried to play it off . . . but knew the gig was up and finally had my first frank and honest discussion with the doc I'd been seeing for almost 15 years, since being Dx'd with Crohn's disease.
It was b/c of him I went to rehab. And when I got home and saw him, I told him so. He nearly had tears in his eyes. "Every once in a while a doctor gets a chance to really help someone change for the better," he said. And I know in his field he's seen far more alcoholics die drunk than get sober.
I keep him updated every visit. Total honesty, even with a short relapse tossed in for measure.. It's so liberating not to try to hide and keep up appearances anymore.
thanks for sharing
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