Komplex

Good evening. I’m just finishing day 3. I am a long time member. I have known I needed to quit drinking for about 6 years. I last posted here in May of 2016 promising myself yet another day one. The problems - I was never willing to accept I was an alcoholic, I didn’t want to admit having a problem to anyone, I wasn’t ready to realize that my next one drink could lead to an ugly ugly end. So ... I kept drinking. There was always a tomorrow, a next Monday, a “I’m not that bad yet”. And then - I was that bad!
I have gotten that bad. I have to get out or die. I have pretty much become an all day drinker. I cannot go more than 5-8 hours without a drink. I am failing my daughter, my job, my relationship, and more importantly myself.
So what’s different this time? I have a plan (all those years of drunk SR reading taught me something). I went to my long term boyfriend and cried for help. He was not surprised and said he had been dreading confronting me on how bad it’s gotten, despite the fact I thought I was hiding it. He held my hand as I called my dr for an appointment. I then called my out of state mother and told her (something I never thought I could do). The dr appt was uncomfortable on Friday, but my BF held my hand. The dr prescribed some meds to help with detoxing at home. The past three days were hard, but I did it. I sweated, I vomited, I cried, but I’m here and feeling hopeful. I luckily had a hand to hold the whole time. Tomorrow I am going back to work and then to a 7 pm AA meeting. I have never been, but my plan includes throwing myself into the program and working it the way it is meant to be worked. My mother arrives Tuesday to help with my daughter and support my recovery. SR, of course, is also a part of my plan.
I got this! I know it’s time, and more importantly I am finally ready to do WHATEVER it takes.
Looking forward to being around again!

Dee74

Welcoem back Komplex

I really believe you can make this your time and turn things around for good

D

TheVoluntaryApe

Congrats! I'm at 3 days too.

Gottalife

I tried a few "plans" and yours is the one that worked for me. I was very lucky to find a sponsor who knew how to work the AA program because he had worked it himself. I think it is important to find a sponsor that can show you the program in the big book, and help you work it at a decent clip. Take some care in finding your sponsor. Run away from those that tell you all you have to do is don't drink and go to meetings.

TYG2

Komplex, what a moving and powerful force behind your post I got goosebumps while reading it. You are so strong. And you have such support. You're one of the lucky ones. Take advantage of it! Try AA, don't go in expecting to 'the' sponsor right away. It's your recovery pick and choose, be comfortable. Sometimes just listening during a meeting at first will guide you. Does this make sense?

Ken0331

With an attitude like yours, I expect great things.

You want it, and you are ready to try it someone else's way. I know my ways failed. Once I was willing to try what other drunks did that actually worked and kept them sober, only then did I have a chance.

In case no one has told you today, I'm very proud of you.

Rar

Welcome Komplex! You have taken some courageous steps! Read and post often. You can do this!

entropy1964

Welcome back. That first level of acceptance is Step One. Yay. Now its learning to stay stopped.

Stay in the moment. Good luck.

August252015

Glad you're back! I like your plan too. You can do this.

Komplex

Thank you everyone for your replies and support. I am feeling very strong as I repair some damage at work on my day four. Looking forward to and terrified at the same time of my first AA meeting tonight. I’ll check in after to share my experience!

DontRemember

Welcome back.. Like you I posted here a few years before I got to the stage of 'surrender'. With court ordered AA and this place I'm over a year sober now. I promise if you put as much time and effort into your recovery work(AA in your case) as you did your drinking, you'll be so much happier,healthier and at peace within yourself.

Mac4711

Congrats on your decision to get sober and putting actions behind your words! You’ve got support, a plan, and you seem really determined - welcome back and best of luck!

Verdantia

Welcome back, Komplex. I totally get the 'I'm not that bad yet--And then--I was that bad!' I went swiftly from 'functional' to unable to stop drinking.
It sounds like you have a strong plan in place and lots of support. I have had very positive experiences at AA meetings, and I hope you do, too. Best wishes on your sober journey, and I hope you let us know how the meeting went.

PalmerSage

Way to go, Komplex! You have confronted the issue head on, with courage and resourcefulness. I'm so glad you joined us in the January thread.

Enough2018

Day 3 here too...only it's my first try (other than during pregnancy 12 years ago). No idea why it's suddenly happening now. I just don't want to drink anymore... but know it will claw its way back. Planning on sticking around here to read as much possible, listen, learn, and grow. This ugly beast has controlled my life and squashed my emotions for too many years.

Right by your side, Friend.