I failed
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
If you drank again , consider that you actually succeeded in talking yourself into doing something you didn’t want to do. Stop doing that.
The AV will lock onto the ‘failure’ to remain abstinent and bludgeon you with it. Take the verbiage away from it , IT uses your own vocabulary against your better judgement , Jedi mind tricks aren’t cheating
, in fact the are sometimes necessary
The AV will lock onto the ‘failure’ to remain abstinent and bludgeon you with it. Take the verbiage away from it , IT uses your own vocabulary against your better judgement , Jedi mind tricks aren’t cheating
, in fact the are sometimes necessary 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 27
Damn it - I am scared - I feel so cornered. It is just my kids - I can’t disrupt the stability they have because I can’t replace it. I want to be sober so much but I’m just too tense and afraid to rock their boat in any way. I am sick of my self pity too, I just wish I knew what to do
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,422
Hi Fiona
I'm not sure what your addiction has you believing right now but you can deal with stress, you can deal with being a mom, and you can give the kids the stability they deserve.
You may need to rethink your plan, or how much effort you're fgoing to need to beat this thing, but you will. use the support here, and use the support available to you in the real world too - the more options you have the more chance you have of a making a different decision, when it counts
D
I'm not sure what your addiction has you believing right now but you can deal with stress, you can deal with being a mom, and you can give the kids the stability they deserve.
You may need to rethink your plan, or how much effort you're fgoing to need to beat this thing, but you will. use the support here, and use the support available to you in the real world too - the more options you have the more chance you have of a making a different decision, when it counts
D
Last edited by Dee74; 01-20-2018 at 11:28 PM.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Serial relapser here too (not failure - ditch that label - you're here and fighting so you are NO failure).
You can do it. Trust me. One time it WILL just click. Think about how you can make sobriety more enjoyable, planned out and sustainable next time? Ditch the damaging self talk and sit down with a pen and paper and turn this into a constructive and powerful plan of action.
See this as an opportunity because IT IS! Your relapse is an opportunity to learn if you deeply analyse your experience.
You can do it.
JT
You can do it. Trust me. One time it WILL just click. Think about how you can make sobriety more enjoyable, planned out and sustainable next time? Ditch the damaging self talk and sit down with a pen and paper and turn this into a constructive and powerful plan of action.
See this as an opportunity because IT IS! Your relapse is an opportunity to learn if you deeply analyse your experience.
You can do it.
JT
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Fiona224 
I dont know what happened.
This is probably the most honest post of the day. I never knew what happened either. Even when the consequences of the last drink were only a few hours behind me, and I had made a firm decision not to drink that day, By 5 or 6 in the evening I was on my 3rd drink before I even realised I had started again. And once started, well we know how that goes.
Sometimes I came up with reasons. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but no use as much of what I could see in hindsight was totally invisible in real time.
I finally worked out that I drank because I couldn't not drink. I had no effective defense against the fatal first drink.
Each "failure" to learn that lesson was really a stepping stone to recovery. When I found a way to get an effective defence, and put the effort in, I was able to stay sober permanently. Each stepping stone along the way led me to recovery.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 131
Isn’t there a saying about only failing if you stop trying? Like the jaywalking story in the Big Book of AA...no wait that’s the opposite as he should have stopped trying to run across the road! Why not read that story online and don’t be too hard on yourself; Rome wasn’t built in a day! Another saying
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Gottalife
I finally worked out that I drank because I couldn't not drink. I had no effective defense against the fatal first drink.
.
it wasnt because i drank on an empty stomach.
or because i drank bourban that night.
or because____________ ****** me off.
or because if was friday.
or a jillion other excuses.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Originally Posted by EliL
Isn’t there a saying about only failing if you stop trying?
If I may make a suggestion - apart from all the good advice already given - carry a pencil and small notebook with you at all times. Whenever you are ready to pick up that drink stop first and write down the reason you are going to do it. Then consider if it is a valid reason before you continue. Seriously. If you take the time to stop and write it down, you may come to realize, it's not really a good reason. Then write down that you WON this round. Keep winning more rounds and you win the fight.
You may have to write in your little notebook ten or more times a day, but do it every time. Soon the thought of getting out your little notebook will become a deterrent itself.
Wouldn't you rather be annoyed with having to stop and write it down every time than be annoyed because you drank again?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: California
Posts: 142
Originally Posted by ProfessorD
I think we are all here because we have failed many many times in many different ways. But as long as you keep trying, you are succeeding because you are fighting.
Keep on fighting! Never give up. You will get there😊
Good luck to you. We are all rooting for you!
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