Juicer

Day 2, full on insomnia mode plus anxiety. I was a wreck physically yesterday. It's my reliance on alcohol to sleep is what brings me back in, over and over. I've been up 24+ hours straight now, toss and turn, become frustrated which only makes it worse.

Even if I wanted to drink, I don't think my stomach could tolerate it right now.

milly4me

I'm so sorry Juicer. It sucks to be starting over. But as someone told me recently the secrete to getting sober is to "never quit quitting". Welcome Back. Take care of your self. I absolutely HATE those insomnia times, and I've had many of those times, but sleep will eventually come.

biminiblue

Thing is, it might make you pass out - but the sleep you get is not the restful REM sleep.

Tough it out for a few days/couple weeks and your sleep will become restorative again. It's going to be uncomfortable and your sleep will be erratic for a couple weeks, but it's worth it.

I used to come here in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep in early days. Usually I would have some milk and toast and was able to go back to sleep. Often it was nothing more than early sobriety jitters and blood sugar dips.

I don't lie in bed ruminating, that's a recipe for fear and self-loathing in early days. There is always something to read here...and someone to talk to. When I couldn't sleep, I got out of bed.

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, Juicer.

Sorry to hear that you have been struggling but very glad to hear that you are choosing sobriety.

Alcohol wreaked havoc with my sleep; my sleep was short and I woke after only a few hours with a racing heart and high anxiety.

My sleep patterns are much better in sobriety.

Maybe talk with your doctor about your sleep issues but be sure to mention that you resort to alcohol to sleep.

Dropsie

Juicer,

It is amazing now how much even one drink wreaks havoc on my sleep.

I don't drink for many more important reasons, but sleeping well is certainly a huge plus.

But it took time -- don't you hate hearing that all the time! Sadly its true.

We are so happy to have you back.

Juicer

Thank you all for the replies.. This site has definitely been therapeutic for me over the years.

I've gone through bouts of sobriety, and the past few months have been a roller coaster ride. Being that I lost my job awhile back, gives me a lot of idle time. Depression from that event has spurred my habits. I've withdrawn from my friends as I'm ashamed of my behavior and it's better they not see me this way.

I haven't really been to an AA meeting since my "incident" awhile back during my 20s where it wasn't a choice. At the time I felt I didn't have a problem as alcohol never really impacted by life prior to that. So I never really took AA seriously or accepted the help these meetings may have provided. I think it may be time to revisit that.

One side of me wants to quit for several reasons, then there is this stubborn side to me that feels I can control it, but I really don't. 1 or 2 never turns into just that.

Dee74

Welcoem back Juicer
everything I went back to drinking it got harder and harder to stop.

Often it's a case of feeding the good wolf in us rather than the bad one.

Why not throw ever thing you have at your stubbornness and it's futile desire for you control your drinking?

try not controlling it, but walking away from it completely?

D

D122y

Juice,

I keep reading and posting.

Great reminder of the nasty things addicon causes.

It is insane that I would drink over and over, until I was ill, then stop, detox, and begin withdrawals...then start the cycle again.

You post reminded me of those days.

I am not thinking about drinking...much.

I am happy...however, I can relate to those that relapse.

The addiction is forever.

Thanks.

Zebra1275

So I never really took AA seriously or accepted the help these meetings may have provided. I think it may be time to revisit that.

Well, it certainly can't hurt.

And I guarantee you, they will welcome you back with open arms.

Juicer

Insomnia is still here. All kinds of sleep disturbances going into day 3. This is why I relapse over and over. Hypnic jerks and now I'll say something, but not fully asleep. Feels like I am losing control of my mind.

Dee74

I think you need to have faith that you're doing the right thing and that sleep will return to you, Juicer?

If it's unbearable for you, maybe you need to consult a Dr?

D

Juicer

I'm trying. I know I have to do it. My blood pressure last night was through the roof because of the withdrawals. I can't keep doing this to my body and family.

Juicer

Day 4...

Finally able to get a pretty good nights sleep. I never really get the shakes just a lot of anxiety.. That is starting to abate as well. My blood pressure, while still high is not at the 190's as it was (ugh!). Feeling 65% overall... As my handle on here implies going to start a fresh vegetable juice regime to start to detoxify and heal my body..

But now the next step of my recovery, not conning myself to think "oh hey I can have a few .. This by far is the hardest time for me now. The next couple of weeks as I'll convince myself that I'm fine and and can drink a few.

Thanks everyone on the forums and in chat for their support and patience.