notrealname333

newbie here.. just have gotten to the point where it's clear alcohol is controlling my life. it's not fun anymore, i have a constant sense of shame and regret. the depression has gotten bad as well. just not sure how i made it to this point in my life, i've always probably drank too much but it was just on the weekends, now it's pretty much every day. have gotten the shakes, have had the dry heaving have gone days without eating.

i've tried to stop before but it's so hard with how every single social activity involves alcohol. but now i'm just so ashamed i've been closing myself off from the world and all the things i used to do and enjoy, easier to just stay in and have another drink.

i'm not really sure what the point of my post is but i just want to get better and any words of encouragement or advice would mean a lot. it's hard just admitting this.

ProfessorD

Welcome!
I was feeling this exact way this time last week. I'm a week sober, and I can guarantee you that you will find support and encouragement here. Everyone is so smart and nice, and a brighter future is right around the corner.

August252015

Glad you are here- and glad you shared where your thoughts are about not wanting to live like this anymore. You don't have to, and lots of us are around here with I bet the same feelings, situations, worries, etc etc that you have.

My program is AA - and it began with the first meeting and a commitment to more. I went and listened for quite awhile- I finally went after far too long railing against the program (without real basis- I just wanted to keep drinking). It saved my life. Other people have success with different plans of action (SMART, AVRT, and such)- the key thing those of us in recovery have in common is just that- a plan of action to get, stay and thrive sober.

Best to you- take a look around at the threads and see where you can start connecting with others. You can do this.

Hevyn

Notreal - that was definitely me at the end of my drinking career. I had been at it for 30 yrs. I was drinking all day - even at work - totally dependent on it. I can't believe I allowed myself to get to that point, but I justified it for years.

We're so glad you've joined us. It helps to talk things over with those who have been there and understand. I had no one else to discuss my pain and fear with. Being here will help with the anxiety you're feeling. Welcome!

MindfulMan

Welcome.

I drank arpund the clock for two months on my last bender. My doctor refused to treat me any further until I got a psych consult with a dual diagnosis clinic. The psych got me into rehab. This was a bit over 8 months ago.

A doctor is a good start and you should consult one to help you through detox, prefeably one with experience treating substance abuse.

I had to uber to the appointment because there was no way he could drive.

notrealname333

that's part of it too, so hard to tell people, will they judge? will they think you're a loser? what if they tell your employer? just feels like everything just encourages you to keep quiet and keep it to yourself. i'm really glad i found this site.

Nonsensical

You'd be surprised how untrue that statement is.

Welcome to the fight of your life.

You can do this.

August252015

^^^IME and IMO - worrying about telling people and reactions and judgment and ANY of that....not a good use of my time, big picture, and in the immediate sense- a distraction from the ONE thing I had to do which was quit drinking and stay quit.

At the start, it really was that basic, and my "to do lists" were very short. The mental decision that preceded every one, every day was that I would not drink. Everything followed that and my life in recovery began to take shape.

Now, at just shy of 23 mo, I have developed a life where I don't owe anyone an explanation, and no one who is less than supportive of my recovery gets a seat at my table. Frankly, those who judge, criticize or otherwise throw negative energy at me just don't count in my world. I've found a very complete life, social circle, and living environment in all areas with this approach.

Hope you stick with us!

TYG2

Welcome Notreal!
So glad you posted. Withdrawal at home can seem unbearable. Loads of us have done it by choice. Things that I did

Saw Dr. got prescription for benzodiazepine (Valium) to prevent a seizure and anxiety.

Lots of Green Tea it's great for hydration and lots of H2O. V8 and soup if you can't stomach food

Centrum Performance One a Day vitamins (highest level of Thiamin and folic acid). VERY important during withdrawal

EPSOM salt bath soaks. Helps muscle stiffness, relaxation and detoxes the body of toxins via the skin.

Keep posting and reading through this site. BE GENTAL WITH YOURSELF.

notrealname333

thank you for the kind words. and yeah the anxiety is bad, and have had muscle issues probably from coughing so much when in withdrawal. so ready to be done with all of this and go back to just feeling like "me"

Rivenin

You took the first step and are reaching out for guidance. This I applaud you for! I'm almost a year sober here and just found this site a few days ago and have loved it so far... I have no real support structure around me and I can tell this site is going to help exponentially.
Please keep all of us updated on how your progress goes and if you need any help!

Dee74

Hi and welcoem notmyrealname
you'll find a lot of support here - I remember thinking whats left if I take drinking out of my life...the answer was a heck of a lot more than I could have imagined then.

You're gonna be ok

least

Welcome to the family. You'll find lots of support and wisdom here.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

DontRemember

Welcome! I've had a few 'bottoms' since coming here. At over a year now with hardly any(one night) drinking. You do NOT have to let another person's bottom(lost job,family,house,ect..) measure your want to quit. Also, I find I'm way more 'productive' in drinking situations when I'm sober. You'll also be 'shocked' at how many other people are actually sober around you. This place has saved me! Well..some court ordered AA(which is also great!!) thrown in the mix.. It's better to be sober and 'on your toes' in all facets of life.

notrealname333

i'm glad you've found your success. thank you for your words.

DontRemember

I still struggle daily and plan to for the rest of my life. It's how I/we approach 'life' without numbing it, I'm working on. LOL Go for a month...then keep going as long as you can, is my advice.

Anna

You will find lots of support here. As far as telling people - just do what feels comfortable. If you think that people in your life will support you, then telling them should be fine. But, I would strongly caution you about saying anything to a co-worker or boss. I think that has so much potential for going badly - eg, you're late for work one day through no fault of your own, but it is a very easy situation for a co-worker to wonder, hmm, is he late because he'd been drinking last night?

notrealname333

super valid point, thank you.

Mattq2

Welcome notrealname. When I decided to quit I told only my wife. I can tell you that very few of my friends even noticed I wasn’t drinking. Always said I just didn’t feel like it. Most people are to caught up in there own lives to even notice. I love SR