Adam2017

On Saturday it will be 3 weeks since my last binge. In that time I've only had 1 drink, just sippin' on a small glass of wine (which was about a week in, and totally unnecessary). This is the longest I have gone in nearly 3 years without getting drunk or buzzed. So pulling through the WDs has been a strange and interesting journey and I'm curious if there's anyone else that has had similar stories to share about their detox experience.

I think the worst of it is over, but there are still days where it feels like the first. And days where I feel normal, like before I started drinking. On the worst days it feels like I am right on the verge of something sinister; like a heart attack or stroke or just collapsing - but nothing ever happens. It just feels like it's about to. It's scary, and maybe it's only anxiety (I have had a few panic attacks too). Can anyone weigh in?

Also the brain fog I was so worried about is fading, which is great. But again, one day it's gone and the next it's there, bad as ever. What causes this? Why is it so random and unpredictable? How long until it's totally gone?

Mac4711

Great job on 3 weeks sober! Early recovery can be very erratic - just stay the course and eventually you’ll come out on the other side. I felt noticeable relief after about 2-3 months, and now, after 6 months, the waters are calm. So worth it!

MindfulMan

I found that the brain fog comes and goes, decreasing in both frequency and intensity. 8 months in I think I’m almost back to baseline...although it’s been 10 years since I’ve been completely sober for six months.

Dee74

I have no scientific explanations I'm afraid - but I know myself that things get better so long as I stay committed to total abstinence

D

TYG2

All I can say from lurking on S.R. for a week B4 joining and going through withdrawal I have 4 weeks minus the 3 days I blew it all.

My feelings of anxiety, sadness, relief, impending stroke/ heart attack, anger, paranoia, joy, giving up, strength...you name it. Have been all over the map.

The only thing I can control is not dwelling on past. How I've managed to that mystifies me becuz I was drinking to drown my remorse and guilt.

I must have learned something here about forgiving myself.

This site has saved me.

Gottalife

That sounds a bit like my "cloud of doom" experiences which seemed to begin happening a couple of weeks in. For me this was an indication that there was more to staying happily sober than just not drinking.

Let's say my thinking and way of operating in the world when I stopped drinking were not exactly a recipe for a happy life. I went a long way down the scale and a great deal of my thinking and behaviour was driven by instinct or fear that my instincts would not be satisfied. This was my normal MO, and followed me into my non drinking life.

So I would go for a day or two, each day seeming to go well, not drinking, little pat on the back for that, and then seemingly out of nowhere this cloud of doom would descend on me and it felt like the sky was going to fall on me. I thought I had been doing OK, and yet here I was, very frightened.

I had this man I talked to each day about my life, and I would call him and he would help me unravel the mystery. It seems in the course of the preceeding days I made a number of small selfish (instinct driven) decisions which put me in conflict with those around me, either directly, or through me stewing over some imagined slight. Each on its own wasn't much of a problem, but they seemed to clump together, lose their orginal identity and become that terrifying cloud of doom.

And my usual way out of this misery was to drink, an option no longer open to me.

This was all a powerful lesson in early sobriety and the solution probably saved my life. I learned that in order to stay ahead of the cloud, I needed to clean up any drama as I went along. This meant at times immediately apologising and making amends where I had hurt someone, and finding ways to get rid of the stinking thoughts that go with resentment, in other words to forgive people that got up my nose and let go of the resentment.

That practice kept the decks clear enough that I could get on with my program of recovery, and learn how to live more in harmony. I am certain had I not done that, the new messes I was creating would have dragged me back down.

Adam2017

Mike thanks for your words of wisdom. One thing that still stands out to me is that I don't have anyone to go to, to talk things out. I used to have someone years ago that was totally not judgmental and I could be honest with. Unfortunately that person was a female and I had to end that relationship in order to have any kind of healthy romantic relationship. But lord, I wish I could talk to her now.

How do you find someone like that? I have friends but it's not like I can just approach one of them and be like "hey we're friends, right? Let me just unload all this emotional anguish and guilt and years of secret struggles on you". This is why I'm considering therapy.

I still haven't been feeling great. It's been almost 4 weeks and it's still very volatile. I did finally see my doctor again. Being unfamiliar with all the WD symptoms I thought everything I was feeling was because of an illness. What makes it even harder is that I did have a pretty serious illness a few months ago so I still don't know which symptoms are from that and which are lingering WDs. But I did see my doctor yesterday and opened up about drinking too much. My biggest concerns now are the fleeting chest pains, panic attacks, anxiety, and brain fog. Luckily the Dr was very receptive about everything I had to say and we got a plan together for anxiety and blood pressure, so today my outlook is a lot better.

I still have no desire to drink, but I can feel the urge to replace alcohol with something else on the days that I feel ok. I wouldn't ever turn to drugs or anything, but I'm a little worried that the urge will turn into frustration, irritation, etc. What do you veterans do about that?

MindfulMan

4 weeks in is still pretty early. I had similar anxiety until about 7 weeks in. Medication helped.

Have you considered psychtherapy, preferably with someone who has experience with addiction?

EliL

My weigh in would to be very careful about assuming anxiety and panic attack’s are from alcohol withdrawal. The PAWS thing is great but other issues can get lost in the assumption that it is all alcohol related. Point is a whole lot of people self medicate using drugs including alcohol fir anxiety and it is not always obvious to the person affected that is in fact what they are doing.

AAPJ

For me it's easy. I just stop by an AA meeting. After 2+ years I know lots of people to talk to. I have a great AA home group. My sponsor is pretty good at this too but I try to limit how much crap I dump on him. He's pretty busy and i respect and appreciate his time. Also at an AA meeting I get to hear other folks dump out their crap on the rest of us. Makes me realize we all have some similar problems. I am not unique.

Gottalife

I was in a position where I had no friends and it would cost far too much to use professionals in that role. I joined AA and my sponsor was the first to help me in that way. With him I also worked the AA program which put me in touch with a Power greater than myself who solves all my problems.

Today I try to live by that program and when I do, life seems pretty good. I also have a wide circle of friends from all backgrounds, not just AA, so there are a lot of people I can talk to if I need to.

Ken0331

Me, too.

And while my "normal drinker" friends may love me and care about me, no one without an addiction can truly help me get past just listening to my "baggage" and move me towards solutions.

In the rooms of AA, I find that. I find people who know, have been there and understand. I find people who can meet me right where I am, extend a hand, and say, "I know the way out of this quagmire, take my hand and I'll show you the way."

Other people use different peer-support recovery groups, but I do find real value in this form of help.