Been drinking a lot for the past 4 years, I don't wan to die
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 1
Been drinking a lot for the past 4 years, I don't wan to die
Hello everyone, this my first post (btw, sorry if my enligsh is bad... I'm not a native speaker)
I am 24 years old (will be 25 in June) and I started drinking when I was around 14-15. Back then I'm pretty sure I wasn't an alcoholic, but here in Peru there's big lack of control over teenagers buying/consuming alcohol. So I remember I started drinking in school parties back then. And since I can remember, my drinking was always problematic. I couldn't take just "one drink", maybe because I didn't have many social skills and drinking made me speak more, lose fear, etc.
That was 10 years ago, when I would only drink probably 4-5 times a year in parties or with friends (h/e I was always getting intoxicated, drunk or vomitting because I couldn't limit myself).
Since then, my drinking started building up. When I was 18 years old, or so, I started gathering with friends (sometimes it would be only 1 friend and me) to drink during the afternoon and mess around).
But my real alcohol addiction become noticeable in 2013. I had previously failed some attempts to study a carreer because I was always smoking marijuana or drinking with my university/college pals. Trying to "have a social life" made me become more of a druggie. Well, in 2013 I had second (or third?) opportunity to get a college degree (which I achieved finally) but since the first months I decided I needed a little alcohol to keep with my social anxieties.
Background: When I was in school (primary school, high school) was a very extrovert individual. I would talk with everyone and didn't have fear when I had to lecture in front of the class. But 2 years before finishing school I started to have some real anxity issues (hipochondria, fear of dying, etc.) and so I started to smoke marijuana, along with the alcohol I had been taking in parties. But I'm pretty sure back then I was only a marijuana "addict" (although during those years I didn't considered myself an addict) and alcohol wasn't a big thing for me.
Ok, so after I started studying again in 2013 I managed to finish a 3-year career in 4 years. And I had used alcohol quite a lot to keep me facing social situations. I had been going to a psychiatrist since my first days in school when I was having hypochondria and smoking weed. He would say marijuana will only make me worse. But at that time alcohol wasn't really an issue until 2013-2014 when I confessed to him I had been drinking to compensate my anxieties.
In 2014-15 I started drinking the amount of 250ml rum (or any other spirits) 3 times a week, or so. My shrink then knew it was a problem and gave me Antabuse (disulfiram). Which I took sometime, then quit, then again, even got a little intoxicated for drinking on disulfiram.
So what's the deal now: Since I stopped taking antabuse (I've quitted many times, but this time I was determined to never take it again) I started drinking more than usual. I went one week straight drinking aroung 60 units of alcohol. My biggest fear is me having already a liver issue or something that will kill me. Keep in mind that I'm only 164cm tall and around 65-66 kgs.
When I first started drinking alone (2013-2014) I would maybe drink 20-30 units a week. Right now I'm drinking around 50-60 because since I stopped the antabuse I feel like I can't control myself, but I don't want to go back to pills. Also I quitted topiramate, which I was given to threat my "urges of getting drugged, and violent conducts".
Thank you all for reading this, I know it's pretty long and maybe even the english is not comprehensible.
I am 24 years old (will be 25 in June) and I started drinking when I was around 14-15. Back then I'm pretty sure I wasn't an alcoholic, but here in Peru there's big lack of control over teenagers buying/consuming alcohol. So I remember I started drinking in school parties back then. And since I can remember, my drinking was always problematic. I couldn't take just "one drink", maybe because I didn't have many social skills and drinking made me speak more, lose fear, etc.
That was 10 years ago, when I would only drink probably 4-5 times a year in parties or with friends (h/e I was always getting intoxicated, drunk or vomitting because I couldn't limit myself).
Since then, my drinking started building up. When I was 18 years old, or so, I started gathering with friends (sometimes it would be only 1 friend and me) to drink during the afternoon and mess around).
But my real alcohol addiction become noticeable in 2013. I had previously failed some attempts to study a carreer because I was always smoking marijuana or drinking with my university/college pals. Trying to "have a social life" made me become more of a druggie. Well, in 2013 I had second (or third?) opportunity to get a college degree (which I achieved finally) but since the first months I decided I needed a little alcohol to keep with my social anxieties.
Background: When I was in school (primary school, high school) was a very extrovert individual. I would talk with everyone and didn't have fear when I had to lecture in front of the class. But 2 years before finishing school I started to have some real anxity issues (hipochondria, fear of dying, etc.) and so I started to smoke marijuana, along with the alcohol I had been taking in parties. But I'm pretty sure back then I was only a marijuana "addict" (although during those years I didn't considered myself an addict) and alcohol wasn't a big thing for me.
Ok, so after I started studying again in 2013 I managed to finish a 3-year career in 4 years. And I had used alcohol quite a lot to keep me facing social situations. I had been going to a psychiatrist since my first days in school when I was having hypochondria and smoking weed. He would say marijuana will only make me worse. But at that time alcohol wasn't really an issue until 2013-2014 when I confessed to him I had been drinking to compensate my anxieties.
In 2014-15 I started drinking the amount of 250ml rum (or any other spirits) 3 times a week, or so. My shrink then knew it was a problem and gave me Antabuse (disulfiram). Which I took sometime, then quit, then again, even got a little intoxicated for drinking on disulfiram.
So what's the deal now: Since I stopped taking antabuse (I've quitted many times, but this time I was determined to never take it again) I started drinking more than usual. I went one week straight drinking aroung 60 units of alcohol. My biggest fear is me having already a liver issue or something that will kill me. Keep in mind that I'm only 164cm tall and around 65-66 kgs.
When I first started drinking alone (2013-2014) I would maybe drink 20-30 units a week. Right now I'm drinking around 50-60 because since I stopped the antabuse I feel like I can't control myself, but I don't want to go back to pills. Also I quitted topiramate, which I was given to threat my "urges of getting drugged, and violent conducts".
Thank you all for reading this, I know it's pretty long and maybe even the english is not comprehensible.
- your english is just fine and you've found a great support forum here 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Welcome. I think you're moving in the right direction. It's going to take awhile to get the drugs and alcohol out of your system, but it's so worth it. It sounds like you have medical support already. Can you let them help you?
Congrats on finishing university. Now is a great time to get your life back on track. So many exciting choices for young people!
Congrats on finishing university. Now is a great time to get your life back on track. So many exciting choices for young people!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
