Clover71

I'm having a rough patch and could use some tips / ideas. I'm becoming more and more annoyed with AH. He has now gotten back into a pattern of passing out early and then waking back up either right before or while I'm putting the kids to bed. Just when I want to be alone, I'm stuck with him being awake. I just want to be alone! I feel resentful. I end up going to "our" room early when I would rather just sit in the living room and watch tv or read. I wasn't sleeping in here but now I am because he gets the second wind and stays up. The other night he came in at some point and between the dreaming and talking in his sleep to getting elbowed, I was up from 2-4am. Sorry for the ramble. I just feel like I can't get away and I'm so angry right now

dandylion

Clover....perhaps, invest in some good earphones....one to watch the tv with....one to totally block out all noise, at night.
Also, could you sleep in another bed--in another room, if he keeps you up at night (with the head phones on, if necessary)...?

Ladybird579

I had this with exah and felt I had no space whatsoever cos he was drinking in the living room all night and I spent every single evening by myself in my bedroom. Then he would come up stumbling around, crashing into things after leaving the tv on full volume downstairs and everyone could hear his snoring even on the top floor of our 3 story house. Most night he never made it up the stairs. My only way to get some space was divorce him tbh. It does not get any better.

FeelingGreat

Hi Clover, have you got a spare room you can make your own? A comfortable chair, good reading light, TV and a single bed. Make yourself a retreat.

PeacefulWater12

I also made myself a "retreat". Using a spare bedroom. Cosy single bed and all my lovely things around me.

AH no longer wakes me up. He likes to sit up drinking all night. Then come up to his bed 3 or 4am or so.

I live by my own timetable. It made a world of difference to us.

hopeful4

Clover, if you are not willing or able to make any big changes right now, maybe it's time to do some room changing. Create a "Clover Only" space for you. No one else allowed. You deserve that.

My house is overrun with kids and animals right now. It's pretty chaotic to say the least. I have a room that I just turned into a spare room, it can be a guest room, but more importantly, it's going to be my room. I am only using a twin bed so it can be set up more like a couch. I am putting a bookcase with my books on it, planning to get a little water fountain, a TV, I have an oil diffuser, just some things that bring me peace and calm. This way, it can be used as a guest room if need be, but most of the time it's going to be my space to relax. No animals, no kids, no chaos allowed.

Even if you have to get a room divider and just set up a small space for you, it would be well worth it!

Big hugs friend!

dawnrising

I agree with everyone. Claim a room, make it beautiful and cozy exactly how you like it for only you. Just having a place that is chaos free where you can get a good night sleep and retreat to at anytime is great for your mental health.

Clover71

Thanks for all of the replies. I spent this past week trying to find a new balance for myself. Unfortunately, I do not have a spare room or space and that is what I'm missing. When it's warmer I sit outside, even if o have to bundle up. It's too cold right now to do that. I was sleeping on the couch, but now that he's not physically going to bed, my space is gone. I end up going to sleep way earlier than I want just to get away. Then he wonders in sometime later. Thankfully the past few nights he finally got up and went to the bedroom. It doesn't help that my kids have also been couped up and there crap is all over the living room.

I can't get my own place yet, but I'm working a plan for hopefully the not so distant future

Thanks again