Red flags early in relationship loooong for right thing to say to end relationship
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 3
Red flags early in relationship loooong for right thing to say to end relationship
I had punched into “google”
“Best thing to say to boyfriend when breaking up because of drinking”
& this came up in the search results.
As I read story’s it sounds alllll to familiar to many people who have had addiction in their lives with loved ones
I grew with alcoholism & addiction alllll around me all my life & now at 43 I find myself making better choices for me, I feel stronger & more self worthy although it is still hard on my soul & struggle with the words to use to communicate.
This new relationship is 2 months old & alll the red flags are there.... it’s better that it’s two months than 2 years
But I am still struggling with how to say it and going through the emotions inside .
“Best thing to say to boyfriend when breaking up because of drinking”
& this came up in the search results.
As I read story’s it sounds alllll to familiar to many people who have had addiction in their lives with loved ones
I grew with alcoholism & addiction alllll around me all my life & now at 43 I find myself making better choices for me, I feel stronger & more self worthy although it is still hard on my soul & struggle with the words to use to communicate.
This new relationship is 2 months old & alll the red flags are there.... it’s better that it’s two months than 2 years
But I am still struggling with how to say it and going through the emotions inside .
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
At two months I don't think you owe him much.
"I just don't see this relationship working long term."
It doesn't have to be a big drama. You could do it by text. I'm serious. I've never had a dramatic in-person breakup. But I'm a chicken, when it's time to go it's time to go and I tend to just disappear myself with a very short explanation.
Slip out the back jack
Make a new plan Stan
No need to be coy Roy
Just listen to me.
Hop on a bus Gus
Don't need to discuss much
Drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free.
"I just don't see this relationship working long term."
It doesn't have to be a big drama. You could do it by text. I'm serious. I've never had a dramatic in-person breakup. But I'm a chicken, when it's time to go it's time to go and I tend to just disappear myself with a very short explanation.
Slip out the back jack
Make a new plan Stan
No need to be coy Roy
Just listen to me.
Hop on a bus Gus
Don't need to discuss much
Drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
"This relationship is not working out for me. Sorry."
You don't have to mention the drinking. You don't have to mention any reason. The formative stage in any relationship is determining compatibility. That's why we date, and the outcome is to find a compatible partner.
You didn't.
I know it's not easy, but it shouldn't be insurmountable.
You don't have to mention the drinking. You don't have to mention any reason. The formative stage in any relationship is determining compatibility. That's why we date, and the outcome is to find a compatible partner.
You didn't.
I know it's not easy, but it shouldn't be insurmountable.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,908
I agree that after only two months, you don't owe him much. The whole point of dating is to find out if you are compatible with someone. Most times, it doesn't work out, to be honest.
I also agree that just saying it isn't working out for you is the best thing. I have a feeling you won't be the first one to tell him that.
I also agree that just saying it isn't working out for you is the best thing. I have a feeling you won't be the first one to tell him that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
id suggest keeping the why, if necessary, about you.
as aries mentioned, bringin up the drinking wouldnt be wise. i could see me getting defensive and turning into mr hyde real quick.
as aries mentioned, bringin up the drinking wouldnt be wise. i could see me getting defensive and turning into mr hyde real quick.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
First off: sooooo smart to end it!
Short and sweet...." I'm not interested in continuing this relationship"
I'm on the side of not going into the drinking problem because of these reasons..
A ) defensiveness, denial....or B) yes I have a problem and please help. I will be sober for you..
Either A or B no win.
Best to you!
Short and sweet...." I'm not interested in continuing this relationship"
I'm on the side of not going into the drinking problem because of these reasons..
A ) defensiveness, denial....or B) yes I have a problem and please help. I will be sober for you..
Either A or B no win.
Best to you!
F*** the Zero
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: London
Posts: 410
think on it to know if youre sure before you act as if you are you will need to be strong, be honest and have conviction.
be black and white. no 'if this was different' 'if that was different' he will latch on to any perceived uncertainty and say what he thinks you want to hear.
don't criticise. keep things positive. you're a nice person etc
If he needs something, say it's not a fit for you anymore or there's no spark. You'll have to be harsh to a degree to get your point across that your mind is made. Any reasonable person would be wounded but respect what they've been told.
good luck
be black and white. no 'if this was different' 'if that was different' he will latch on to any perceived uncertainty and say what he thinks you want to hear.
don't criticise. keep things positive. you're a nice person etc
If he needs something, say it's not a fit for you anymore or there's no spark. You'll have to be harsh to a degree to get your point across that your mind is made. Any reasonable person would be wounded but respect what they've been told.
good luck
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